Melissa uses Paris Hilton's recipe for brinning a turkey

This year, I did a dry brine for the first time. Usually, I soak the bird in salt water and some other things. Instead, I pulled a recipe from Paris Hilton's cooking show. Yes, she has one. No, she cannot cook. That's the premise. A rich girl who has always been fed learns to cook. Anyway, I'm sharing the recipe with you here because it turned out so great that it's going to be my new go-to:

Salt 1/2 Cup

Sugar 1/2 Cup

Ground black pepper 1/4 Cup

Garlic Powder 1/4 Cup

Dried Thyme 1/4 Cup

Dried Oregano 1/4 Cup

Dried Sage 2 TBSP

Dried Rosemary 2 TBSP

Paprika 2 TBSP

Rub this all over, in and out, place in fridge uncovered, overnight.

Next day, take a soft stick of butter and grease down the skin, under the skin.

Cut 1 apple, 1 lemon, 1/2 onion and put in the bird.

Pour 1 1/2 cup of white wine (I used red) into the bottom of the pan.

NOTE: The thing that scared me is that it seemed like all the fluid came out of the turkey came out after the brine and that I'd end up with Chevy Chase's turkey from Christmas Vacation. I went with it, though. Turkey turned out fine and flavorful. Loved it and it produced a spicy gravy that was also excellent. Highly recommend!

It's OK to hit back if he's old

Paris Hilton has a very clever comeback and is using her pretty face and McCain's celebrity ad about Obama to strike back. She has proven she can read text as well as Obama and that it's still OK to ridicule old people (anyone over 30 to her). However, you can't call Obama anything if you are describing his physical appearance, his education, his speech, his family, or his values. It's all a racist sub-text according to the lefties. On the other hand, he's allowed to grab onto conservative ideas to fool the voters and hide his Marxism, because that seems to be the elephant no one, not even McCain, wants to talk about. But this is OK

"He is the oldest celebrity in the world, like super old. Old enough to remember that dancing was a sin and the beer was served in a bucket, but Is He Ready To Lead?" and the images show John McCain.

John McCain may never be blond, may never be President. But Paris will never be known for anything but her family name, and will definitely be old some day. She should thank McCain for showcasing her flailing career. Let's hope the AARP and the VFW goes after her on behalf of the millions of men and women, black, white and brown, skinny and fat, she has insulted.

I'm betting Britney wishes her handlers had thought of this. Her career needs some help too.