Sara thought she was making herself sick, but it has a name--guest blogger Sara Gruber

"After being told for years that my ailments were anxiety, I became a disbeliever in my own body. I stopped believing in my ability to decipher if I was physically ill or not. I spent the past two decades convincing myself that anxiety was the cause of my dizziness, weakness, heart palpitations, tightness of chest…

And like so many people with anxiety, I believed that it was my fault. I believed that I had these physical feelings because I wasn’t mentally and emotionally strong enough. My confidence was replaced with a chaotic dialogue. “You’re dizzy because you need to calm down… You’ve never passed out in the grocery store before so stop being ridiculous. You’re not going to pass out today…”

I fought anxiety. I fought so hard! I took medications. I worked out. I meditated. I changed my diet. I read self-help books. I listened to podcasts. Yet, I was still sick and I was still scared.

Learning that I had dysautonomia was the first step to regaining the belief that I was interpreting my body correctly. It freed this resounding roar of, “I knew it! I knew there was something else that wasn’t right.” So many of my symptoms that were from dysautonomia were attributed to anxiety. All too often, anxiety has become a crutch diagnosis. It is the label many are left with when tests don’t find answers. It puts a halt to people’s journeys to find answers and it even belittles those who are suffering from anxiety by being a catch all.

Year after year, day after day—I thought I wasn’t smart enough, determined enough, strong enough… and maybe even that I wasn’t deserving enough…

Thinking I was too sensitive to be in the heat, then discovering, “Hey, I actually don’t sweat anymore.”
Believing I wasn’t strong enough to be in leadership roles. My heart would beat uncontrollably in meetings with an aggressive supervisor. Not mild palpitations, I’m talking pass-out-quality pounding. I found myself looking for every opportunity to get out just to calm my heart. I know now that the type of dysautonomia I have, Hyperadrenergic POTS (Hyper POTS) causes massive adrenaline dumps during times of stress.

Feeling ashamed because I was too scared to drive long distances. I often felt like I couldn’t breathe when I was driving. I’ve since been able to track that my heart rate often increases over 40 bpm in this position. It goes up because my blood is not circulating properly and my heart is trying to compensate by working harder.

Thinking I was ridiculous for being scared to go into grocery stores. The combination of standing, reaching for items, and fluorescent lights was dizzying. I remember mustering up all of my energy to push through when all I wanted to do was leave. I would look around at people who were 40 years older than me and believed that they looked so much healthier than I felt.

Did I ever share that I felt this way with anyone? Never! It was crazy talk.

Now, I absolutely know that I also have anxiety. I think it would be hard to live through this and not. All of these ailments inspire anxiety; they draw it out of me and then that anxiety exacerbates everything. It’s still hard to know where the line between dysautonomia and anxiety lies. Maybe that’s because that line doesn’t end, it blurs.

Even if I had been fighting anxiety without dysautonomia, I wish I could have seen the bravery in that. I wish that my internal dialogue had been loving instead of self-deprecating. No one with anxiety chooses it. I never chose it! It’s like living in a prison of fear—the least we can do for ourselves is have self-compassion as a cell mate.

So here’s to self-compassion!

I have anxiety. I have dysautonomia. I am stronger than I thought. I am braver than I knew. "

I thought I was making myself sick – Blessings of Chronic Illness

Do not be afraid

This past week I've come to the conclusion that perhaps the President has understood the seriousness of this virus better than the scientists, his task force, Congress, the governors, the Mayors, the naysayers, his enemies in the press and even his most ardent supporters. He knows this is a battle that can't be won by science or talking heads on TV. It's a battle of the heart and mind.

The Bible refers to "fear" hundreds of times. First and most important, Fear of the Lord. Worship, respect, prayer.

Second, there are the "Fear not" passages. Command. Advice. Comfort.

Millions and millions of people across our nation and the world were praying for President Trump this week. Even Nancy Pelosi! From their homes, in their cars, in parades, on the sidewalks outside the hospital, on social media. Catholics, Orthodox, Evangelicals, Fundamentalists and non-denominational Christians were united. People of other faiths, Jews, Hindus, Muslims and the "Nones." If they are serious about their faith, even Christians who don't like him, his personality and policies were praying for his recovery. That was the first use of Fear as used in the Bible.

And when President Trump left the hospital benefitting from high tech, new drugs and some low tech tender care, he told the nation and the world not to fear, don't be afraid of the virus. I think he knows who the real enemy is, and it isn't the virus. It's been the same advice every great leader through the centuries has known instinctively, or by studying history, or through divine guidance.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34

The hateful media ridiculed and criticized him for telling us not to be afraid of the virus. Facebook and Twitter were flooded with hate and despair. Would they have said that to FDR as he faced Hitler in the 1940s, or Eisenhower after his severe health problems in both terms in the 1950s? Did they tell JFK it's just too scary to make space flight trials to the moon? They know only the fear, anxiety and worry of the American people can accomplish what their party has intended all along. Retreat, defeat, and surrender.

Music is good for you, especially in your later years

“Music, the most-studied art reviewed, has been shown to have a number of benefits. One landmark study compared older adults who were invited to join a choir to those not invited. Twelve months after the study began, choir members showed decreases in doctor visits, falls, and over-the-counter medication use. Improvements were seen in overall health rating and number of activities performed. In a larger study that randomly assigned individuals to a choir program or a control group, the choir partisans had lower scores on a depression/anxiety scale, and higher scores on a quality of life scale. A survey of older amateur singers before and after joining a musical group showed increases in emotional well-being, social life, quality of life, and self-confidence. In studies of instrumental music, 98 percent of 1,626 survey respondents said that playing an instrument in a group affected their health in a “uniformly positive” way. A study of organ players not only showed decreases in anxiety and depression, but also revealed increases in human growth hormone, a molecule associated with a number of positive health outcomes. Another study that compared the length of time a musical instrument was played (from zero to over 10 years) showed a possible linear relationship between the amount of playing and cognitive performance. However, not all studies reviewed showed such significant results, and in some cases the positive impact of a musical program were not maintained as early as three months after the program was completed. It should be noted that the studies with significant results were considered to be more rigorous.”

http://www.investigage.com/2014/01/22/can-music-dance-and-other-arts-programs-enhance-healthy-aging/

If you used to be active in the arts, but no longer are, perhaps you need to rethink why you’re enjoying life less, why there is more anxiety and depression, why you don’t feel well.  Pick up the trumpet, or sit down at the piano, or join that choir.  It’s good for you.

Our ever vigilant, free and independent press

"After curbing enthusiasm, Obama must ease anxiety" is the headline in today's WSJ article by Gerald F. Seib. This appeared in Capital Journal, "Capital Journal is WSJ.com’s unique site for analysis of the political and policy maneuvering in Washington in the era of Barack Obama. It features the Capital Journal columns and occasional other postings by executive Washington editor Gerald F. Seib, and will house Political Wisdom, the Journal's daily aggregation of the smartest political analysis from around the Internet. . ." What an Obama patsy. This corny mush couldn't keep a starving baby chick alive. God help us. He says the execessive enthusiasm (i.e. the bizarre hope ginned up by the candidate to win votes), needed some cold water.

If the goal was to head off irrational exuberance, it worked. More than half the country now says it expects the recession to last as long as three years. Link.

Not me. I expect Obama to exceed FDR's record and give us at least 12 years of bashing and destroying capitalism, high unemployment, and an even higher misery index. Then it will be up to whoever owns our debt, probably China, to decide what to do with us.

Today's new word is GAD

Actually it's an acronym for Generalized Anxiety Disrorder, and I read about it in the January 21 JAMA (Vol 301, no.3:295). It's not that I'm unsympathetic with people who have these vague symptoms, but it really does sound like it's a created disease to give the pharmaceutical companies something to sell. The most interesting part of any medical article is the paragraph I can understand, and that's usually the first one that provides a mini-review of the literature. Here's the story on GAD, and you'll recognize it immediately because 15 of your best friends, 7 of your lunch buddies and 10 choir members at your church probably have these symptoms. At least if they are my age. You just didn't know what to call it:

"Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is the most common anxiety disorder in primary care and is defined by chronic, difficult-to-control worry and anxiety. Related somatic and psychiatric symptoms include muscle tension, sleep disturbance, and fatigue. Individuals with GAD have poorer quality of life, with impairments in role functioning (encompassing social, occupational, and family functioning) on par with those observed in major depressive disorder and other common medical problems such as arthritis and diabetes."

Wow! Not only that but the prevalence of GAD "is as high as 7.3% in community-dwelling older adults and higher in primary care where they are most likely to present for treatment." And with the baby boomers getting older, you know what that means. . . more GAD and increasing human and economic burdens. More for the universal health care plan of the president and his socialist staff to cover! Not only that, but older adults have been excluded from some of the large scale studies, so we need new studies and new drugs to determine the safety, efficacy and tolerability of new SSRIs.

The other day I was reading the blog Crazy Aunt Purl, and she has found a wonderful cure for this type of vague, anxious feeling--she's opted out of the recession. First, before the meltdown, she gave up extreme consumerism, buying only the essentials. She just decided not to be a slave to it, found out she liked having less clutter, less waste. When the meltdown came, she was in good shape--because it was her choice. Second, she switched her alarm from an all-news, all-the-time station, didn't turn on the TV cable news, didn't read the financial news articles or the sad stories about lost dogs, dropped her e-mail subscriptions to the bad-news bears, and didn't listen to the news in her car. She took a vacation from the anxiety and worry that the constant yammering of 24 hour news, most of it bad, spews at us. Smart lady, that Purl. No GAD for her!