“I remember my first abortion like it was yesterday. There are times I revisit those days and play back all chaos in my life. I think about some of the words spoken to me: "This is for the best" "Trust me", "You are too young, this will ruin your life." "How will you finish school ; what kind of life will you be able to give this child?" I even remember the moment in the room, when I changed my mind and said, "Hello, is there anyone out there, I want change my mind." and the nurse came by and said it was too late. I remember every moment so clearly sometimes and it always sends me to a place of what if. I wonder what he would have looked like, I wonder how it would have changed my life, I wonder what he would have been today?
Yes, there is great sadness, but it is okay because in the end I have let my children live and the lord says that in letting our children live we can find Joy. John 16:21 - A woman when she is in travail has sorrow, because her hour has come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembers no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.
This is part of why so many woman have such pain and shame. They suffer in silence, never admitting to the sin of killing their child and thus never letting go of the burden or travail of pregnancy. In coming out and letting the child live even in such a small way as this, we allow healing to begin. It is hard to relive such painful memories, but I remember the times when I did not even admit I was in pain. I would rather feel the pain and release the shame than live in darkness and allow the enemy to win.
I get to imagine he would have been a great man of God, whom the Lord is well pleased....”
Shared from her Facebook post, March 1, 2013, with permission.
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