Medical slang and acronyms

Some of these are really awful, or disrespectful, or unbelievably gross. Link. A selection:

AALFD - Another A**hole Looking For Drugs

ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase)

BFH - Brat From Hell (usually accompanied by PFH - Parent(s) from Hell)

Blamestorming - apportioning of blame for mistakes, usually to any locum or lowliest medic in sight

Brothelizer test - microbiology test (on swab or sample) requested by the Genito-Urinary Clinic or STD clinic to check for sexually transmitted diseases. A positive test result means the patient has "failed the brothelizer test".

Coffee and a Newspaper - Patient is Constipated (i.e. long time sitting on toilet with drink and reading matter)

COSMONAUT - Cat Owner, Smells, Made Of Nuts And Used Tampons ("mad cat lady" with poor hygiene and body odour)

D&D - Divorced and Desperate (middle aged female who visits doctor weekly just for male attention) Also Death and Donuts--the night shift

Doc In A Box - a small clinic/health centre, with ever-changing staff.

Donorcycle - motorbike: the biggest cause of donated organs! (hence reckless motorcyclists are known as Organ Donors and rainy days are Donation Days)

Dunlap Syndrome - belly done lapped over the waistband; obese (spare tyre, Dunlop being a brand of tire)

FORD - Found On Road Dead

GOLP - Generalised Old Lady Pains

GPH - Goddamns Per Hour

Improving His Claim - Victim of minor accident, needs no treatment but wants something to support his insurance/legal claim.

Janitor's fracture - a fracture so obvious that a janitor (cleaner) could diagnose it

LFTWM - Looking for 3 Wise Men (applied to young pregnant females who deny having had intercourse)

Lipstick Sign - if a female patient is well enough to put on, she is well enough to be discharged

MGM syndrome - Faker putting on a real good show

OFIGATOOS - One Foot In the Grave And The Other One Slipping

Please Optimize Medical Treatment - don't call us until you've done your job first

Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up

Qwertyitis - what a doctor suffers from when he spends more time on a computer than with actual patients

Scumdex - 1 pt for every tattoo, extra piercing, IVDU scar, etc. The higher the scumdex, the greater the likelihood of survival.

3617

Talk the talk of the sub-cultures

Talk the talk by Luc Reid is published by Writer's Digest Books (2006) and is a slang dictionary. The "about the editor" paragraph says Reid is the founder of the neo-pro (?) writers' group Codex which promotes the exchange of information, ideas, and writing wisdom among pro-level writers and other good stuff, and has published in Galaxy Press anthologies. His web site is http://www.lucreid.com.

The book is sort of fun to look through, and makes you realize that no matter how careful you are in using English, you could be offending anyone at any time just because of the huge variety of subcultured words. I think there was a time when a lot of our slang came from the prison population then moved into the main stream via the entertainment world, but obviously there are many sources.

Some of the cultures represented (neither librarians or Christians made the cut because he doesn't cover professions or religions) are:

• Americans in Antarctica
  bag drag - weighing luggage in preparation for flying out
  house mouse - temporary janitorial duty at the station


• Bicyclist and mountain bikers
  Betty - generic name for a female rider
  BSG - bike store guy


• gardeners
  harden off - accustom an indoor plant to the outdoors
  lasagna bed - soil has been piled up on top of the existing ground in layers


• politicians
  big foot - well-known media figure
  bafflegab - speech or statements without clear meaning
  lunch bucket - having to do with working class


• skateboarders
  snake - jump ahead in a queue
  wood-pusher - derogatory name for skateboarders, used most often by rollerbladers

A fun book to browse, and useful for writers of all types especially if they need to sprinkle authentic slang into dialogue.