Preparing for Lakeside Women's Club

 Evidence that the Lakeside Women's Club has strong leadership is the current president, Barbara Browning.  She has had a long career in teaching and family life, including shepherding her family into their current Lakeside lifestyle.  I've only known her about three years, and as I recall it was cultural issues and not religion or hobbies or book club that brought us together. One amazing feat was her convincing me to prepare brief devotions for the weekly meetings of the Women's Club for summer 2022.  You wouldn't think that someone who loves to write, explain, cajole, argue, research and ramble for 20 years on the internet and who has been scribbling in some form since I was 6 or 7 could be so hesitant to speak in public.  I'd rather pull weeds or clean an attic than speak to an audience.  I get light headed, the room swims, and I can't put a sentence together.  But when Barb asks, you just can't say No. Her secret seems to be she believes in people!  So I came up with a plan to make it more palatable.

Last summer one of the Lakeside chaplains for the week was retired Methodist pastor John Ed Mathison, a well known (but not to me) motivational speaker who established Leadership Ministries in 2008 when he retired after 36 years as pastor of Frazer Memorial UMC in Alabama.  His current ministry includes a Daily Message, a weekly blog, a daily radio message, and weekly videos and of course, extensive public speaking.  He's authored a number of books, and I bought one based on his radio ministry titled, "Got a minute? 365 Daily inspirational messages for those on the Go!" To open a LWC meeting one only needs a minute or two, and it shouldn't be the heavy theological themes I'm drawn to. So along with my own morning devotions I've been checking different "minutes" in his book to use this summer. John Ed does a lot of sports, youth, and goal setting themes.  I hate setting goals, so I avoid those; I'm not athletic, so I skip those.  However, John Ed didn't get to be famous without knowing how to draw in a diverse, busy and even not so religious group.  It's also a podcast, so you can download an app and listen to him in his sweet Alabam voice. https://johnedmathison.org/  I'm looking forward to sharing some of those radio minutes this summer.

Today I read about Liz Smith, a director of nursing, who fostered and then adopted a baby girl, Gisele, who was born physically challenged and extremely premature.  In a minute John Ed told her amazing story. I know so many adoptive and foster parents at Lakeside (and in Columbus) I thought it would be a good story to share. Ever the researcher, I then checked the internet for the story, and found it had been featured on a number of TV and news stories.  From there I went to the Facebook page of Franciscan Children's Hospital in Boston where Ms. Smith worked and read many more stories of some of the children, parents and staff of a remarkable facility. So now I'm a "follower" of that FB page.  https://www.facebook.com/FranciscanChildrens  

 https://www.bostonherald.com/2019/04/06/massachusetts-nurse-adopts-hospitalized-baby-who-had-no-visitors/

https://nurse.org/articles/nurse-adopts-baby-no-visitors/

https://lakesideohio.com/about-lakeside/community-organizations/lakeside-womens-club/

Do you have an abortion story? tweeted the ABC reporter

"Within hours, the original Tweet thread received thousands of replies. It became an inspiring Christmas testimony to the beauty of life, the courage of parents who choose life, and the joy of children.

Hundreds of mothers and fathers replied to @FiveThirtyEight with stories of their brush with the abortion industry following a special needs diagnosis of their unborn child. Attaching a beautiful portrait of a smiling teenage girl, Sarah tweeted: “At the ultrasound for my 2nd pregnancy we were told our baby had Down Syndrome and her heart was incompatible with life. They encouraged us to end the pregnancy. She’s completely healthy.”

Women who chose to keep their baby in spite of family and cultural pressures to abort also shared photos and stories of their now-thriving children. Women like Lauren Bower raised voices of encouragement: “I got pregnant at 19 during the first semester of my sophomore year in college. I kept that baby and I now have a 6’3” 17 year old preparing to apply for West Point. He will change the world. Never kill your children.”

Roxanne wrote, “I was pregnant at 16 & was supposed to spend the summer in France as an exchange student. The baby’s dad’s family knew Dr.s who could ‘take care of it’. My dad said ‘we will help you if you want to have this baby’. That ‘baby’ turns 41 in Thursday. [sic]”

Their children also applauded mothers who kept them. Kenneth Landers knows he beat the odds: “Abortion was designed for ppl like me: low income, brown, fatherless. I’m 30 years old, helping my mother retire, thriving professionally and personally.” "

Fishing for Abortion Stories, News Outlet Receives Unexpected Response - CatholicVote org

Christmas and adoption

Mike Huckabee in today's newsletter writes about adoption.

"One of the hardest jobs a parent faces is answering all those questions kids ask that sometimes force us to think about things that hadn’t occurred to us as adults. Mary from Ohio wrote:

“Our 6-year-old grandson, Isaiah, who was adopted from Guatemala, posed this question to his parents: ‘Was Baby Jesus adopted?’ Wow! The answer is so deep, and leads to so many other Biblical references to adoption. Joseph wasn't Jesus' father - God was, but Joseph raised him here on Earth. When we accept Jesus, we're adopted into His Heavenly Family, so we're all brothers and sisters. When we become a member of Jesus' family, we're also adopted into the Family of His chosen people, the Jews. So...it seems to me, not only was Jesus adopted, He was the author of Adoption. From the mouths of babes.”

Thank you, Mary. I have a feeling that as that special little boy has grown up, he’s given your family a lot to think about and a lot to be thankful for. And here’s a story that highlights another aspect of adoption, from the other point of view:

Tia from Kansas wrote that Christmas was always the hardest time of year to face, until she discovered a very personal connection to the true meaning of Christmas:

"When I was 16, I was alone and scared on Christmas -- having a baby that I decided to give up for adoption. For years afterward, I didn't like Christmas and never did much during the season. But the Lord changed my heart, showing me that I gave a beautiful gift to some family, my only son, just like He did. I've enjoyed and celebrated Christmas ever since."

Thank you, Tia. I know your son's adoptive parents would thank you a million times over, if they could, for the greatest Christmas gift they ever received. I’m sure Mary from Ohio would agree."

Morning Edition - December 24 - Latest News - Mike Huckabee

How some Democrats see Barrett’s adoption

When John McCain appeared with his adult POC adopted daughter during the 2008 campaign, Democrats accused him of having a "love child." Now they've progressed and are calling Judge Barrett a "colonialist" for having adopted children who are black Haitians. Democrats never see love, loyalty, compassion, humility, strength, wisdom, devotion, or even simple humanity. Only skin color.

Special needs adults also enjoy a good workout

I don't see many adults with Down Syndrome these days. Pre-natal testing has reduced their chances of surviving in the womb, along with the culture of death promoted by many in our culture. (Like Obama's advisor, Zeke Emanuel, a so called ethicist. He believes people my age shouldn’t be using up resources.) But there is one young woman who comes to the fitness center where I exercise in the morning, and with a trainer, has a great time. She works hard, follows his instructions, and he is rewarded with her great smile and laugh. After the workout he walks her to the door and waits there with her until her mother picks her up. It's just beautiful. Today I told him how much I appreciated seeing them together. He told me he used to coach a Special Olympics team, and loved it.

Abortions for babies with Down Syndrome are not has high as thought 20 years ago, and those statistics were based on Europe. In the U.S. we do not have a data base for this, but the latest research show it is 30%, and that varies with race and ethnicity. It is highest among Asian Americans at 61%.

https://lozierinstitute.org/new-study-abortion-after-prenatal-diagnosis-of-down-syndrome-reduces-down-syndrome-community-by-thirty-percent/

There are loving parents waiting to adopt a child with Down Syndrome, so if you know of a mom who is not prepared to parent and has received this diagnosis, put her in touch with https://www.ndsan.org/.

I noticed this comment from 2013 at that site:

My sweet angel, Colleen, was born on 7 March 1991. She was Down Syndrome, and had severe health problems since birth.

When she was born, I had no idea what the name “Down Syndrome” meant. But 22 years later, I know it means “Unconditional Love”! She taught me and my 2 older children so much about love, caring, acceptance and being grateful for the little blessings in life. Twice in her life the Lord used her to save 2 women who were ready to commit suicide! And she did not even realize what was happening. Her pure love changed their lives forever!

Colleen passed away on the 12 th July this year, in ICU, due to multiple organ failure. A huge part of my heart died with her. She was the single most precious blessing in my life

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

This title is on the review list for the Lakeside Women’s Club this summer, so I decided to check it out.  I’ve been reading it on the porch in the evenings and at the wellness center in the morning.  I’m about 1/3 finished and not sure I’ll go on.  Ng is a good writer, but stories about bio and non-bio mothers and babies, and predictable criticisms of suburban families and their life styles (in this case Shaker Heights, Ohio) are just not comfortable for me.  I’ve read several reviews, from wildly enthusiastic to I-just-didn’t-care. There is a movie in the works since it’s got all the ingredients – teenagers in the 1990s, racial tensions, adoptions, surrogacy, frustrated homemaker, and do-gooder Democrats.

Spoiler:  Ng has a motherhood problem, in addition to her angst and guilt about being wealthy and a successful Asian American. (Wealthy, professional parents, raised in Shaker Heights).  One mother is a surrogate who stole her child and raised her on the run, one mother abandoned her child and kidnaps her back from the adoptive parents, one mother wanted her child but resents all the problems that child represents from  preemie to rebellious teen, one mother had an abortion but used someone else’s name.

On elections and adoptions

“I worry that we made a tragic mistake,” Lisa Milbrand wrote of her decision to adopt two daughters from China, adding: “I pulled those two beautiful babies away from a rising power and into a damaged democracy. I brought two girls of color into a society where it’s clear that their word and their bodies are worth less than a man’s—and where open, overt racism has become even more likely now than it was a decade ago. And unfortunately, my worries aren’t exactly tinfoil-hat-wearing paranoia.”

Can’t imagine a woman so callous and uncaring, that she thinks her Chinese children (adopted from China) would be better off in an orphanage in a totalitarian country, than living in the U.S.A.

And all because of President Trump.  The hate just rolls on, and on. Trump is not a racist, but she is.

http://thefederalist.com/2018/11/08/mom-says-regrets-adopting-daughters-china-trump/

Electric Mirror company is Christian and Pro-life

https://www.electricmirror.com/

I was watching a program on how a family owned business (7 years in the garage) can thrive and succeed with Christian values. I've never seen this product, although I haven't been looking. Made in America, Christian, pro-life. I found 2 locations that sell this in Columbus. Wish I needed a mirror! The Mischels filed an Amicus Brief in support of Hobby Lobby. They adopted their son Aaron whose 14 year old mother had been raped (her own mother attempted to get an abortion for her). Aaron is part of the business. No one could call him an unwanted child.

https://www.americanbar.org/content/dam/aba/publications/supreme_court_preview/briefs-v3/13-354-13-356_amcu_em-etal.authcheckdam.pdf

https://www.electricmirror.com/american-story-sharing-american-dream/

“Over the years, President Jim Mischel, Executive Vice President Aaron Mischel and the Mischel family have chosen a variety of not-for-profit organizations to be recipients of financial support from Electric Mirror. These vital groups focus on health and wellness for people with serious diseases; provide food and shelter to orphans and widows; rescue victims of sex trafficking; foster stability and prosperity for the poor and homeless; and help those hit hardest by natural disasters.”

On John McCain

John McCain was an adoptive parent. He adopted his first wife's sons, and he and his second wife adopted, Bridget from a Catholic orphanage in Bangladesh. She needed facial surgery and had deformed feet and hands. She would have had a very grim life, or could have starved,  if not rescued by the love of this family. And Bridget did her part for the McCains, too. Her health problems caused them to become involved in charities that help the poor and medically fragile. When Cindy brought Bridget back from Mother Teresa’s orphanage she also brought to the U.S.  a 2nd girl who also needed medical care.  That girl was adopted by one of McCain’s aides.

https://heavy.com/news/2018/09/bridget-mccain-john-daughter-adopted-cleft/

Photo from 2008 campaign when Bridget was 17.

Adoptees face a special problem with genealogy--so do their children and grandchildren

About 6 months ago I got an e-mail from a stranger whose father I barely knew, but we'd attended the same high school. His father was deceased and had been adopted as a young child, so the question was, could I help him find his father's birth family. We chatted a little (via e-mail) and I told him what I could (mostly small town gossip where everyone knew everyone else's business). I heard from him today, he'd done two DNA services and got the same results--a second cousin from a town near where his father and I had grown up--so probably a connection to the elusive grandfather. He's over the moon. He's done extremely well in life, has a wonderful family, good education and great career. But he just always wanted to know. . .

Adoption for the lucky few

Are you considering adoption? Zondervan (Christian book publisher) has a new book about a delightful family with three children under age 5 (lively group) as told by Heather Avis, the mom, about how she and husband Josh went from grief over infertility to joy in adopting two medically fragile babies with Down syndrome and one with a mixed racial heritage. It's very well written and an easy read--but the problems and snags like heart surgeries and meeting with birth families are folded in. 

Avis, Heather. "The lucky few; finding God's best in the most unlikely places." Zondervan, 2017. ISBN 9780310345466 

I don't do Instagram, but I think that's how this book was birthed as the author shared her joys and sorrows with others in similar situations. Whether yours is a step parent, international, special needs, or plain vanilla adoption, I think you'll enjoy this book. Also a good book for grandma and aunties.

Adoption Assistance

This is odd.  I was browsing the amounts of the 126 federal welfare and anti-poverty programs, and to my surprise saw that #23 in dollar amount was "Adoption Assistance." $2,480,000,000. $2.5 billion for adoption assistance? Right up there with the School breakfast program, $2.9 billion.  Part of the $7,256,000,000 the federal budget allows for fostering and permanency for children, #17 on the list.

“Key federal programs supporting child welfare services include Foster Care, Adoption Assistance, Guardianship Assistance, Chafee Foster Care Independence Program, Promoting Safe and Stable Families, Child Welfare Services state grants, Child Welfare Research, Training and Demonstration, CAPTA state grants, the Community-Based Child Abuse Prevention grants, Abandoned Infants Assistance, Adoption Opportunities, and Adoption Incentives.”

So I Googled, and found that this is money for adopting special needs children. Each state seems to have similar requirements—the child can have physical or mental handicaps, black children are younger than white to be included, in custody of the state, can’t be returned to biological family, adopting family can be a relative, etc.

Federal description

“Adoption Assistance – The Adoption Assistance program provides funds to states to subsidize families that adopt children with special needs who cannot be reunited with their families, thus preventing long, inappropriate stays in foster care. This is consistent with ACF's goals to improve healthy development, safety, and well-being of children and youth and to increase the safety, permanency, and well-being of children and youth. To receive adoption assistance benefits, a child must have been determined by the state to be a special needs child, e.g., older, a member of a minority or sibling group, or have a physical, mental, or emotional disability. Additionally, the child must have been: 1) unable to return home, and the state must have been unsuccessful in its efforts to find an adoptive placement without medical or financial assistance; and 2) receiving or eligible to receive Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC), under the rules in effect on July 16, 1996, title IV-E Foster Care benefits, or Supplemental Security Income (SSI) benefits.

In accordance with the Fostering Connections to Success and Improving Adoptions Act of 2008, beginning in FY 2010, revised Adoption Assistance eligibility requirements that exclude consideration of AFDC and SSI income eligibility requirements are being phased in over a nine-year period, based primarily on the age of the child in the year the adoption assistance agreement is finalized. For FY 2012, the phase-in of the exclusion of consideration of AFDC and SSI applies to otherwise eligible children for whom an adoption assistance agreement is entered into and who have reached the age of 12. The revised eligibility requirements also apply to children based on time in care and siblings of children to which the revised eligibility criteria apply. In FY 2010, federally-recognized Indian tribes, Indian tribal organizations and tribal consortia with approved title IV-E plans also became eligible for the program

Funds also are used for the administrative costs of managing the program and training staff and adoptive parents. The number of children subsidized by this program and the level of federal reimbursement has increased significantly as permanent adoptive homes are found for more children. The average monthly number of children for whom payments were made has increased more than 80 percent, from just over 228,000 in FY 2000 to an estimated 429,700 in FY 2010 and 470,400 projected in FY 2012.

The Adoption Assistance program underwent a program assessment in CY 2005. The assessment cited the program’s success in increasing the permanent placement of foster care children, effective administration at the state and federal levels, and coordination with related programs as strong attributes of the program. As a result of assessment, the program is working with states to ensure that their Adoption Assistance laws and policies comport with federal requirements.” (Administration for Children and Families
Justification of Estimates for Appropriations Committees, p. 335-336)

I wonder if families who do not release a special needs child for adoption, who do not abuse him, or abandon her, whose child is never in foster care . . . are they eligible for help?  More research needed.

Update: Another law, proposed. Don't know if it passed the Senate. H.R. 4980 requires states to track and report disruptions to finalized adoptions and guardianships, one of the biggest blind spots in research on the child welfare system. The few sample studies on the subject suggest that up to 30 percent of adoptions fail.https://chronicleofsocialchange.org/news/house-passes-adoption-incentives-package-senate-expected-to-act-soon/7653

A terrible tragedy

Sunday an Iowa mother of 15 died in an auto accident.  She was a blogger, a Christian, and an adoptive parent of special needs children.

http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2014/06/esthers-mom.html

https://sites.google.com/a/windandfire.org/jennygroothuis/

Memorial fund website.

The Left’s War on Women

Michele Bachmann fostered 23 children before she got into politics. The Left never denied it, but criticized her for talking about it! After all, it was in her past and shouldn't be brought up. It’s not like she did something useful like being a community organizer. She didn't actually "raise them" was the criticism--some were short term. They also criticized her for not winning by larger margins, for raising support for her campaigns, for being a Democrat before she was a Republican, for how many chiefs of staff she had, etc., etc. She got more scrutiny than the President, whose time in office has been riddled with scandals. Just a part of the Democrat war on women who don't slide in to power on their husband's coattails (Clinton) or lie about their heritage by calling themselves Native Americans (Warren).

Adoption falling on hard times

“Adoption referrals, sent to outside agencies, are an infrequent occurrence at Planned Parenthood clinics.  Abortions still outnumbered adoption referrals [in the latest annual report] at Planned Parenthood by a nearly 149 to one ratio!”  Link.

I've seen the statistics about adoption vs. abortion from Planned Parenthood’s annual reports. Not good, but it’s probably not all their fault.  Adoption isn’t a popular option at the church supported agency where I volunteer which exists only to save the lives of babies and help the mom with social services.

Imagine a world in which the culture (TV, movies, magazines, literature, social media and peers) tells a young girl from an early age that a career is her life’s goal, that motherhood is second rate, that pregnancy will destroy her sex appeal, that commitment for a life time is optional for sexual relations, that hanging with friends and posting on Face Book is what life is about, that large families will bankrupt her, where their schools install vending machines with condoms and morning after pills and/or she will be abused or abandoned if she choses life for her child.  Actually, you don’t need to imagine it—that’s the recipe for abortion in 2014.

But it’s not a whole lot different for those women considering single parenting—marriage is denigrated in our culture except for gays, the young men are ass-holes, immature, or totally irresponsible and if she marries him she loses government benefits, and there are 79 programs waiting to make Uncle Sam her baby’s step-father if she can keep her income low enough. There are simply no pluses for adoption these days. Potential adoptive parents write profiles at special websites and for adoption magazines--I almost weep when I read though the websites of couples longing to adopt when I know young women careless about the future of their babies (either choosing death or being raised in an inadequately prepared home).

This is not the 1950s when the rich had abortions, the poor kept their babies or put them in grandma’s care and the middle class went away to visit an aunt or grandmother and someone adopted their babies and they signed away their parental rights. Many young women of today think adoption much more tragic or unthinkable than abortion.

Adoptees born in Ohio are finally adults

If you were adopted in Ohio between January 1964 and September 1996 you were part of a special class of citizens denied your birth records, even if living in another state--unless you could prove you were an American Indian or you had connections to someone in vital statistics who could do the search for you. Governor Kasich signed Senate Bill 23 in December. Imagine being 50 years old (1964) and your state deciding you were still an adopted baby, unable to know the truth about your fake birth certificate. I believe Ohio Right to Life was very, very wrong to fight this for 40 years even as they fight for the right to live of the unborn.

http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2013/12/20/with-law-all-adoptees-get-access-to-records.html

Our culture approves abortion, looks down on adoption

From PDHC April Praise Report:

‘Molly (not her name) a 20-year-old woman, came to PDHC intent on having an abortion. She is in college and already has a baby. She's in a relationship, but her parents do not approve of her boyfriend. They've helped with her first baby and she was afraid that they would be unhappy and not want to help her again. We talked with Molly about her options and the importance of having an ultrasound done before she would make a decision. Molly was very upset during the appointment and cried. She felt torn. She didn't believe in abortion but felt she had no other choice. During the ultrasound, the nurse was able to find a heartbeat and dated the pregnancy at six weeks. Molly did not want to see the ultrasound screen and refused pictures. The nurse spoke with her about her concerns and shared resources that could help should she decide to continue the pregnancy. She left the appointment undecided. A few days later, our nurse called with the physician's review and Molly said that after talking things over more with her boyfriend she had decided to continue the pregnancy! Our nurse gave her more information about how to get started with prenatal care and other resources. She also invited her to come back to PDHC for maternity clothes and parenting classes. “

40-50 years ago this would have been a no-brainer.  She knows this is a sibling of her child; a grandchild of her parents; knows what it is to be a mother.  Why snuff out a life that others would welcome?

Ohio keeps some adults forever children

Ohio House Bill 61 introduced by Antonio and Pelanda will permit people who were adopted between the years of 1964 and 1996 to access their original birth certificates once they reach the age of 18. Adoptees who were born before 1964 and after 1996 have nearly unfettered access to their original birth records, while it is nearly impossible for adults adopted between these years to obtain the same documents.

I have no idea why this law was ever passed, but it was not for the good of the person whose birth information was fictionalized and falsified, signed and notarized. I suspect someone in the legislature or with great influence in the state of Ohio in the 1960s preferred not to be found out. It's the only thing that sounds logical in this completely un-American law.

Who said pro-choice people made sense?

The Adoption Triad refers to 3 kinds of adults in a family constellation--a birth mother, an adoptive parent(s), and an adoptee (unfortunately, these cases usually leave out the birth father, although not always, and this distain for fathers has leaked into the general culture). Life issues don't always come out as you would expect. You would think all of them would be pro-life, or pro-adoption, but that's not the case. Our president is the son of an unmarried, teen mother facing great discrimination for her choice to give life to her bi-racial baby. He of all people should be pro-life, given that about 40% of abortions are for black girls and women. Some liberals hope more abortions will reduce crime and poverty. It's a high price for a little one to pay for society's mistakes and sins.

Two books, two adoption stories

Today our book club will be discussing "In a heartbeat," the story of the Tuohy family and their adoption of Michael Oher, a black teen-ager. The very successful movie, "The blind side," told the story of how they came to meet Michael and fold him into their loving family, assisting him to become a high school and college graduate and a successful NFL player.

It is an inspiring story--although I disagree with some of the basic points--like "how little it takes to help fill the desperate wants" of the poor and unfortunate, or the subtext that Michael would not have succeeded in life without them and the boost they provided.

At the same time I was reading "Prairie Tale" by Melissa Gilbert, of Little House TV fame. She was adopted when less than a day old and grew up in a family of glitz, glitter and glam, passionately loved, treasured by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, managers, co-stars, and given every opportunity our culture could bestow on a child. She was no Laura Ingalls Wilder! At a very young age she had multiple "families" from the various TV and movie crews in which she lived an alternate fantasy. Unlike Michael Oher, she became extremely promiscuous, an alcoholic, obsessing about her origins, resentful of her parents and fame, and a woman without any moral compass or spiritual/religious guidelines. Even after multiple affairs, body and facial surgery to look more glamorous, and a life of fame and enormous wealth, she needed a therapist to help her feel "whole," and considering that this year she is getting a divorce from her second husband whom she acknowledges as the love of her life in the book, she's still on a journey.