Collecting My Thoughts: manners

Showing posts with label manners. Show all posts

Saturday, May 11, 2024

Tip your server and other nice things to do

This is a very nice message. My friend Arlene sent it. However, that's not all there is to changing the world. I know many Democrats who do all of these, yet they support abortion, don't care about 7 million invading the U.S. through the open Biden borders, think Hamas means Palestinians, don't care about the issues of the Russia-Ukraine war, watch the terrible misinformation that spews from the Democrat controlled media like CNN, NPR and MSNBC, contribute to their alma mater despite the raging anti-Semitism embedded there, believe men can become women through magical thinking, and believe what they are doing to President Trump through the "just -us" system is OK. Think before you vote. That's how we change things in this country, assuming no one has stolen it through a Soros funded scheme.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Fascinating guidelines for manners of well educated people

Because of Jim Acosta, there will need to be specific, written guidelines for behavior of journalists. He can only lose his press pass if he violates written rules, not common decency rules everyone understands. In the past, there was an unwritten, decency code which journalists recognized in order to be welcomed at the White House (or anyone’s house). Many groups on Facebook or online content services now have guidelines on how to post comments or content. This one is from PLOS, a science publication website. Imagine having to tell well educated people not to plagiarize or defame each other. Or not to yell opinions at the president or refuse to shut up.

Don’t plagiarize.

Don’t defame others.

Don’t name-call, attack, threaten, or use profanity.

Don’t use posts to promote products or services.

Limit the number of links in your comment to three or fewer.

Don’t use third-party content without permission.

If you have permission to use third-party content, give proper attribution.

Arguments based on belief are to be avoided. For example the assertion, “I don’t believe the results of Study X” must be supported.

The content of comments should be confined to the demonstrable content of the specific blog post and should avoid speculation about the motivations or prejudices of its author.

In its moderation of comments, PLOS BLOGS reserves the right to reject, at our discretion, any comment that is insufficiently supported by scientific evidence, is not constructive, or is not relevant to the original blog post.

PLOS BLOGS reserves the right to remove any content that violates any of these guidelines, to block repeat and/or egregious violators from posting, and to suspend accounts as we deem necessary.

PLOS Blogs is the final arbiter of the suitability of content for inclusion on its PLOS BLOGS Network.

Wouldn’t most of these seem like common sense, the basic rules of courtesy we should have learned in school or at home. It’s the adult equivalent of playing in the sandbox with classmates in kindergarten. This list came from the PLOS blog guidelines.
https://blogs.plos.org/about/

Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Ten reasons your liberal friends and family have cut you off

Here are ten reasons left-wingers cut Trump voters from their lives according to National Review. I don't agree with all of these. For instance, many of my liberal friends are indeed religious and honor their parents, although I'm in an older group than the group this is addressed to. Having been a liberal humanist myself for many years, I know religious choices are often cultural and can respect many of the habits and manners taught when young. Also, the leftists I know personally do have lives outside politics--they love to craft, make art, sing, compose, write, etc. They are not as likely to hunt deer, repair cars, or fix my plumbing--all things we need, but some don't respect until the toilet overflows or the lights go out. But I do know liberals who have put politics above family--but only certain family. Those they truly love and admire they've managed to suck it up for the sake of the relationship. Love really does trump hate. But you have to believe in love and not use it as a way to settle old scores you were afraid to bring up.

1. Just like our universities shut out conservative ideas and speakers, more and more individuals on the left now shut out conservative friends and relatives as well as conservative ideas.
2. Many, if not most, leftists have been indoctrinated with leftism their entire lives. This is easily shown. There are far more conservatives who read articles, who listen to and watch left-wing broadcasts, and who have studied under left-wing teachers than there are people on the left who have read, listened to, or watched anything of the Right or who have taken classes with conservative instructors. As a result, those on the left really believe that those on the right are all SIXHIRB: sexist, intolerant, xenophobic, homophobic, Islamophobic, racist, and bigoted. Not to mention misogynistic and transphobic.
3. Most left-wing positions are emotion-based. That’s a major reason people who hold leftist views will sever relations with people they previously cared for or even loved. Their emotions (in this case, irrational fear and hatred) simply overwhelm them.
4. Since Karl Marx, leftists have loved ideas more than people. All Trump voters who have been cut off by children, in-laws, and lifelong friends now know how true that is.
5. People on the right think that most people on the left are wrong; people on the left think that most people on the right are evil. Decades of labeling conservative positions as “hateful” and labeling conservative individuals as “sexist,” “intolerant,” “xenophobic,” “homophobic,” “racist,” and “bigoted” have had their desired effect.
6. The Left associates human decency not so much with personal integrity as with having correct — i.e. progressive — political positions. Therefore, if you don’t hold progressive positions, you lack decency. Ask your left-wing friends if they’d rather their high-school son or daughter cheat on tests or support Trump.
7. Most individuals on the left are irreligious, so the commandment “Honor your father and your mother” means nothing to those who have cut off relations with parents because they voted for Trump.
8. Unlike conservatives, politics gives most leftists’ lives meaning. Climate change is a good example. For leftists, fighting carbon emissions means saving human existence on earth. Now, how often does anyone get a chance to literally save the world? Therefore, to most leftists, if you voted for Trump, you have both negated their reason for living and are literally destroying the planet. Why would they have Thanksgiving or Christmas with such a person?
9. The Left tends toward the totalitarian. And every totalitarian ideology seeks to weaken the bonds between children and parents. The Left seeks to dilute parental authority and replace it with school authority and government authority. So when your children sever their bond with you because you voted for Trump, they are acting like the good totalitarians the Left has molded.
10. While there are kind and mean individuals on both sides of the political spectrum, as a result of all of the above, there are more mean people on the left than on the right. What other word than “mean” would anyone use to describe a daughter who banished her parents from their grandchildren’s lives because of their vote?

Sunday, October 02, 2016

Do restaurants need to post "No phone" signs?

We went out for dinner last night to celebrate an anniversary with our daughter and son-in-law at Houlihan's in the Kingsdale shopping center. We had expected it to be crowded because it was a home game day, but were pleasantly surprised that at 5 p.m. there was no problem with service. I was wearing my new scarlet and gray outfit (OSU colors) which was a birthday gift. I had a very lovely meal of petite filet mignon, grilled asparagus, garlic green beans, wine and a tasty salad. Near the end of our meal I noticed a beautiful young couple come in--they may have been dressed for Arlington's homecoming--the short swingy formal dresses are so popular. Within a minute of sitting, she whipped out her cell phone and began scrolling. He reached over and gently tapped her hand and she put it down face up on the table, and in about 2 minutes picked it up again, all while chatting with him and occasionally showing him something she thought was funny. She could have stayed home in t-shirt and shorts and read her phone messages. It would have been a lot cheaper--and less rude.

And then the big shocker. She apparently had a shoe problem or maybe a toenail was irritating her, so she brought her knee up above table height and was fixing whatever was wrong. I hope this was Dutch treat, because the young man deserved better.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

A lesson in good manners

I thought I was done with this, but in case you’ve forgotten how to be polite and cheerful, here it is.

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Our generation, not so much . . .

This is never a problem for us because of the age of most of the people with whom we socialize, but I sure wish the people at the next table would try it!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Coffee shop encounter

“What do you say!” she barked loudly to her small daughter who had just received her do-nut. “Thank you,” the little one meekly replied.

I know I did that to my kids too back in the 1970s, which is probably why I noticed (could hear myself) but gosh, it grates on my old ears now. It kind of smacks of “Everyone look at me, I’m teaching my kid good manners (by being rude to her in public).”

We had a lot of help becoming the crass, rude, it’s-all-about-me people we are today. Here’s my own assessment.

Prayer and Bible reading were taken out of schools incrementally, which removed any thought that there was an over arching system of justice or wisdom above Me. Today you can’t even pass out red and green M&Ms at a school “holiday party.”

A War on Poverty was launched which drove men out of their children’s lives and diminished respect for marriage, which in turn removed tacit authority of parents. A single mom making $29,000 a year, can boost her income to about $69,000 through government benefits like housing allowances, EITC, SNAP, etc.

Second Vatican Council (Vatican II) took the Catholic church in a different direction, with much misunderstanding and craziness, and the Protestants just followed along. Happy clappy songs and sloppy loopy teachings have replaced sound doctrine and good liturgy in all Christian denominations.

With falling standards among Christians in the 60s and 70s, divorce, contraception and abortion became the trinity of free and/or marital sex and shacking up. What’s the point of modeling good behavior?

Boomers came of age—got themselves into all sorts of messes, including war protests and Marxism. Resulted in a lot of them becoming academics and passing it along to Gen-Xers and Next-Gen. They became sappy grandparents with low to no standards.

That’s a lot to read into a rude parenting style, but words have consequences to the 3rd and 4th generation.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Librarians are bossy

The younger, 2.0 librarians are quite proud that they don't "shush," can wear trendy clothes and tattoos, and have Wii and e-books streaming out the wazoo in their libraries. But they are still just as bossy as my generation and the generation who were my supervisors and revisers (in the old days of the 1960s, everything you did was revised or inspected by someone above you in seniority and position). Here are some rules to participate in an electronic list by a group called Web4Lib. Note: each statement could stand alone and be perfectly understood, but in true librarian fashion each has to be expanded and explained, some with parentheses. (Librarians love parentheses.) A version of these rules appear everywhere that people are sharing information on the web, but I'm betting that a librarian is somewhere way back in the family tree of every listserv and Usenet BB. Don't let those IT or OT folks pull your leg. They are really librarian wannabees who had better math grades. In fact, I think Moses was the first librarian--at least he was good at making lists and organizing information.

Guidelines for Appropriate List Behavior
The following guidelines are offered as advice for how to best participate in this discussion in a manner that will both contribute to the experience of all readers and also reflect well on you.

Say something substantial. Simply saying "I agree" (in so many words) or "I disagree" (in so many words) does not meet this guideline. Specific technical questions are, however, quite appropriate, as are brief answers to such questions.

Say something new. Mere redundancy will not convince an opponent of their error. Explaining the same argument differently in an attempt to make them see the light has not been proven to be an effective strategy.

"Getting the last word" is for children. [Yikes--how condescending is that!] We're all beyond the age when we should be concerned with being the one to end the argument. Just because you are the last to speak doesn't mean you won the argument.

Agree to disagree. The likelihood of convincing someone to change a strongly held opinion is nil. State your case, but give up on the idea of converting the heathen.

Take "conversations" off the list. When list interaction becomes two-sided (two individuals trading comments or arguments) it is a sign that you should take the discussion off the list and correspond with that person directly. If the discussion was of interest to the general membership you will see others posting on the topic as well.

Remember that you are being judged by the quality of your contributions. No matter whether you are employed or not, or a certain age, or have a certain education, you can create a good professional reputation by how you contribute to a large electronic discussion like Web4Lib. On the other hand, you can ruin your reputation even faster and easier.

NEVER send email in anger. [Isn't that in the Bible? I know I've heard it at church.] Go ahead and compose a message in anger, since that may help you work through what you're angry about, but don't send it. Sleep on it. You will nearly always decide to not send it or to recompose it. There's a reason for that.

Be civil. Treat others how you wish to be treated. No matter how insulting someone is to you, you will always look better to the bystanders (of which there are many, I hasten to remind you) by responding politely.

Respect the rights of others. An electronic discussion is a commons. Your right to post ends at the right of others to not be insulted, badgered, or to have their time needlessly wasted.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Thirteen Little Things

When we are children we learn life time lessons from our parents, some by their words, others by actions. Today I'm jotting down 13 habits, techniques, behaviors, attitudes, etc. learned from my parents that are still with me, some without thinking about them, some throw aways, in no particular order. Chime in with a few of yours.

1. If you are with someone, always open the door and let your friend(s) walk through first.

2. Make a square, military corner on the bottom sheet (when I was a little girl there were no fitted sheets) to keep it from pulling loose. Stop to admire your effort. Although I don't do this now, the principle of doing something right the first time and taking pleasure in it is a good one.

3. Always wear an apron in the kitchen. Aprons certainly aren't what they used to be, and it seems to me food splashes more, so when I put one on, I often think of my dad who always reminded me, even as an adult.

4. Turn housework into a game (usually against the clock). My mother was big at trying to make "work" into "fun." This usually got an eye roll from me and a whine.

5. Respect others with your appearance. Both my parents would "fix up" for the other after their work day, and we always ate as a family with properly set table, pleasant conversation.

6. Clean up the kitchen after the meal; never leave dirty dishes on the counter or in the sink. I often fail with this one--maybe this would be a good New Year's resolution.

7. Start the week right with church attendance.

8. A gentleman always comes to the door to pick up a lady for a date. First timers meet the parents.

9. Sit like a lady (this was back in the days when girls and women usually wore skirts or dresses). Corollary: don't slouch.

10. The proper way to answer the phone. We often had to take orders for my dad, so this greeting I no longer use. However, I still keep paper and pencil by the phone, and I try not to mumble. I also overheard how dad spoke to his customers and even today I expect this from business people.

11. "A soft answer turns away wrath." This is my mother's from Proverbs 15:1. Never quite grasped this one, but it worked for my mother, who lived it and often quoted it. I can't remember her ever raising her voice.

12. The person who feeds the puppy is the one who will be loved by it. Usually this was Mom, because despite all our promises to care for it, she's the one who usually took pity on the poor thing. When I was growing up the dogs and cats lived outside. If it got bitterly cold, they could stay on the porch or in the basement.

13. In your lifetime you will probably have three really good friends. I'm still thinking about this one. Life has different stages--friendships vary--but the number seems pretty accurate.

Banner by AmandaF

Sunday, November 11, 2007

It is not the correct thing

are little items that comes from my grandmother's book, The Correct Thing in Good Society, by Florence Howe Hall, c1902 (daughter of Julia Ward Howe). These guide and manner books were very popular in the 19th and 20th century, with about 5 or 6 new ones published each year. Writing and etiquette guides are still popular today, particularly as people struggle with new technology. Some of this advice holds up in cyberspace, the mall, the airplane or the office. The page on the left had the correct thing, the one on the right, the incorrect. It is not the correct thing

Thursday, November 08, 2007

4301

She must be my age

My husband and I almost always go out to eat on Friday night. If he wore a baseball cap and athletic shoes, even to a sports bar like Rusty Bucket, I'd take it personally. It doesn't flatter me or our relationship. For a picnic with friends, or a walk along the lakefront it would be fine (although I just can't wait for the day when the baseball cap for adults will be history for anyone off the diamond). Now a reader of WSJ has expressed my thoughts on today's casual dress and behavior and what it says about the people you're with or the event you're attending. It's all about expect and respect.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

3897

The Correct Thing

I have a book from my grandparents' library titled, "The Correct Thing in Good Society," by Florence Howe Hall (Boston: Page Company, 1902). It also gives advice on what is not correct. For instance, if you are providing a luncheon for your lady friends, it is not the correct thing

I've let my butler go--just too many slip ups at my luncheons, like forgetting the butter knives.

Collecting My Thoughts