Rerun from October 19, 2019

Today is Sunday and we're making arrangements to be with Phil later (had brain surgery on Tuesday). Funny flashbacks to the 1970s. Raising kids is a challenge, and those families you see in the church narthex on Sunday morning, smiling and sweet and adorable, have probably just been through hell to get there with car seat hassle and snow suit zipping and "Where is your left shoe, young man?"

One Sunday morning we finally got everyone into the driveway and were heading for the garage when Phil did a break away run, dashing the opposite direction. Bob's a pretty quiet, calm, reserved guy, but he'd had enough and in those days he was bigger than Phil. He caught him, tanned his little bottom, and almost tossed him into the car. Phoebe and I just stood there wide eyed, and didn't say a word.

We walked into the narthex of UALC after a short drive down Mountview Rd. and I'm sure all the congregants nodded and smiled and thought, "Isn't that just an adorable family, and so well behaved, too."

What a child needs to hear

Having THE TALK with children in the 21st century

Forty five years ago I was probably considering how to talk to my children about “where do babies come from.”  And as they got a little older I even asked my church for help as they neared those scary adolescent years (btw, got zip nada zilch).  It’s a little tougher today.

• Sex Outside of Marriage
• Same-Sex "Marriage"
• Divorce
• Contraception
• Abortion
• Reproductive Technologies
• Modesty
• Pornography
• Transgenderism
• Homosexuality

I can be fairly certain we talked about divorce.  That was all around them. Playmates. Cousins. TV and movie themes.  Even children’s books were addressing that trauma for children. And yes, modesty.  I’m sure they saw my disapproval at some of the 70s fashion when we went shopping or watched TV together.  But transgenderism?  Never.  In fact, until the Supreme Court decided to undo thousands of years of tradition for pagans and religious people alike, there was little said about that, but certain well funded groups needed a new challenge.  Same sex “marriage” in the 1970s was not an option—in fact, until the election of 2012, no responsible candidate for president would have even suggested it.

But there’s help today that wasn’t available then (in part there was no need for this title in the 70s).  Leila Miller and Trent Horn have co-authored, “Made This Way, How to Prepare Kids to Face Today's Tough Moral Issues.”  Some churches are buying it in bulk ($5) and giving it to parents.

The authors are Catholic (I heard about the book on the podcast of Catholic Answers), but don’t let that deter you if you don’t share their faith.  Catholics are really the only Christians who have a well thought out, systematic teaching on sexuality.

The authors’ approach “begins not with the Bible or Church teaching but with the natural law. In kid-friendly ways, Miller and Horn help you communicate how the right way to live is rooted in the way we're made. God's design for human nature is a blueprint or owner's manual for moral living that any child can grasp through reason and apply to modern controversies over sex, marriage, life and the quest for human fulfillment.”

Leila Miller and Trent Horn.  Made this way, How to Prepare Kids to Face Today’s Tough Moral Issues. Catholic Answers Press, 2018

Sample chapter

Talk and read to your children

I wonder sometimes how my mother got so smart--many happy memories of her reading to my brother and me while the three of us cuddled in a large overstuffed chair. Actually it was one of those huge 1940s era upholstered chairs with wide arms, so I was sitting on the arm.  As a child, I often wished Mom would stop talking--she believed in reasoning with children rather than spanking.  Occasionally I thought a spanking would be better than a long explanation of my mischief and misbehavior.

Building a young child's vocabulary is essential for future success. To keep me quiet, Mom would make up stories while braiding my hair and she would talk so softly I'd have to listen. And music. Our home was filled with it--usually our piano lessons, but sometimes just for fun. Only one of us was good enough to earn a living at it.  And we four children with the oldest playing the piano presented programs with our off key quartet to local groups and clubs. It was my little brother who stole the show since he was so cute. Even though our church uses huge screens with words of hymns, I always pull out the hymnal if available and practice sight reading the music. Screens in churches have killed what little knowledge many had of music.

And most critical--I had a hard working father who was home every night. He didn't play with us, or tuck us in at night. He didn't hug or kid around. Most of my friends (especially boy friends) were afraid of him. But we saw how he treated our mother and his mother. Like they were the most important persons in his life--and they were.

How did our parents get so wise without academic research?

https://www.edutopia.org/blog/parent-involvement-in-early-literacy-erika-burton?

https://lifehacker.com/eight-ways-to-help-improve-your-childs-vocabulary-1645796717

http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/the-role-of-fathers-with-daughters-and-sons/

A proud mother on her daughter's graduation

I met this young woman on Facebook, don’t remember exactly how, but I’ve enjoyed her posts over the years.  I’ve also seen photos of her beautiful daughter, so I was thrilled to see this testimony. There's no better sermon than a life of repentance and change. Ayesha Kreutz,  President of the Frederick Douglass Foundation of New York, writes:

"My oldest has graduated High school and changed her course, deciding to go to college and decided to double major. I suggested it since she got a really good scholarship. I have to say I am super proud of the girl.  See, she grew up with me. When I got pregnant with her it was the first time in my life I was sober, no drugs or alcohol, I quit everything. 

I was a single mother, though I absolutely loved her father, and we tried to make it work, I realized as I got sober he was an addict, more so than I was, his drug use far surpassed mine and after years of trying and going through DT's along with other issues we split for good.

Single, out of wedlock parenthood was terrible. We were homeless and I have been on the food stamp system as well. Through the journey of becoming who I am today, I worked hard to give my daughter a better shot than I had started her out on, by being a single mother. I even found a way to home-school while being a single mom and working full-time.

Eventually, by being obedient and faithful to the Word of Truth and building that relationship with Christ, things did turn around. 

I am married and a stay-at-home homeschooling mom and my oldest is a wonderful young lady. My husband Rocks!

She learned from my mistakes and purposed to listen to my wisdom to do better. She loves the Lord, picks good friends, is compassionate, loves her fellow-man, shares Jesus and through out high-school she danced 15 - 20 hours a week, played sports, even got all-star setter for volleyball and now has gotten a scholarship and going to college.

Many kids raised in adversity find ways to be bitter and angry and make excuses for their failure, but she has found ways to push through the excuses and find ways to make excuses to succeed.

So yep I am a proud mommy. I know college years can be even tougher and we really get a chance to see what they are made of.  So please give her a congratulation and if you are a 100% Bible-believing Christian pray for her and share words of wisdom with her."

What’s wrong with mothers these days?

Seems to be my week to rant about mothers. Yesterday is was mom walking across Tremont Road and using her phone on a gorgeous day outside ignoring her little daughter; but today, it was gorgeous mom, impeccable clothes, in 92 degrees, blazing sun pushing the baby stroller along Kenny Road (no shade) with her under one year age child practically naked with no canopy for cover. The sun exposure that causes melanoma is brief, intense exposure - a blistering sunburn. People in my neighborhood are in a great demographic--well educated, wealthy, married, beautiful homes, good schools--but that apparently isn't enough to develop common sense.

Update Thursday, June 11:
At the booth next to us at the Rusty Bucket were grandma and grandpa with their two adorable little grandchildren . . .grandma was talking on her cell phone and grandpa was scrolling through his messages. Kids sat there with nothing to do. Sigh.

Free range kids, over protective parents, and overstepping government authority

I listened to the free range mom on Glenn Beck this morning. Although I was a helicopter parent before the term was invented, my own generation as children was certainly "free range." I did things like riding my bike to the next town on the highway, or galloping on a blind horse. When I was 11 I was babysitting for infants--didn't even know how to change a diaper. When I was 13 I was a corn detasseler (removing tassel to cross or hybridize corn plant) either walking the rows or riding equipment with a teen driver for supervision.

Pinky, the blind horse who was also a family babysitter.

Children under 5 are in danger, but it's their parents, not strangers or neighbors. Particularly their mothers and their boyfriends, and it's not guns either. Homicide has drastically gone down in all age groups the last 25 years, but has gone up in that one, and black children are way out of proportion to their population. When was the last time you heard of a black parent being arrested for allowing a child to play unsupervised in the park or street? http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/homicidechildrenyouth.pdf

I don't know why homicide in young children is going up, but my suspicion is it has to do with abortion and the devaluing of young lives.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2015/04/13/parents-investigated-letting-children-walk-alone/25700823/

http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/31/living/florida-mom-arrested-son-park/

Liberals aren’t

This past week has seen the outrage generated by parents of donor and invitro-fertilization children following a now-infamous Panorama magazine interview conducted with the fashion designers Dolce & Gabbana, wherein Domenico Dolce proclaimed, “You are born to a mother and a father — or at least that’s how it should be. I call children of chemistry, synthetic children.” Immediately, Elton John advocated a boycott of the designers’ products in retaliation for the perceived offense against his two sons, who were conceived via an egg donor and surrogate mother.”  http://www.npr.org/2015/03/16/393403211/elton-john-declares-boycott-against-dolce-gabbana

In another story a young woman named Heather wrote about how much she loved her mother and her partner (a lesbian couple), yet longed for her father. On the internet you would think she had suggested lynching them even though she wrote of fond memories with her mother’s lesbian friends and gay sponsored events. Children of other disrupted families are allowed to grieve, why not children of gay couples, she wonders. http://thefederalist.com/2015/03/17/dear-gay-community-your-kids-are-hurting/

A black liberal media personality, MSNBC contributor Jonathan Capeheart, in an op-ed apologized this past week for reporting on the Ferguson story before he had all the facts—particularly the “Hands up don’t shoot,” and I’d be surprised if he isn’t fired by Monday. It’s rare for any news journalist to sincerely apologize, liberal or conservative. He should be commended, not condemned. Just ask Juan Williams of Fox who was fired by NPR. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/wp/2015/03/19/hands-up-dont-shoot-did-not-happen-in-ferguson/

And my goodness, don’t even get started on the high STD and HIV rates among transgendered male to female persons. They are really messing with the stats for women.  I’d be surprised if studies will continue to be reported in JAMA.  It’s a tiny segment of the population with a huge problem. http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/transgender/

And if you point out the high abortion rate for black women (about 38% of black pregnancies in NYC are aborted), then you are a racist—even if the government reports on it first.  I know this from personal experience when I posted the information on Facebook and was dropped by a liberal for being racist. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr60/nvsr60_07.pdf

Truth is a casualty when ideology is the goal. There was a time, even in my life time, when liberal was a proud word—stood for being open and tolerant to new ideas and exchange of information.  Now it means one must desire and vote for more government control and concede to the current culture or be called a hater.

Kids aren’t expensive. Greed is.

Kids don’t “need” designer clothes, Etsy outfits, brand new everything, more shoes than they can wear before they grow out of them, and 8 thousand of whatever the latest toy craze is. (I believe it’s currently Shopkins, but I might be a week behind the times. It’s so hard to keep up.) Kids don’t need a play room full of more toys than they know what to do with. (I’ll go one step further with this one. They don’t even want it. It’s stressful and overwhelming for them. But anyways.) Kids don’t “need” to be signed up for a different so-called enrichment class every night of the week. They need sunshine, fresh air, freedom to move, and space to create.

Truth. http://thishouseisourhome.net/2015/02/25/kids-arent-expensive-but-that-other-thing-sure-is/

I was going to leave a comment at her blog—great photos and thoughts—but she already had about 600, so she doesn’t need encouragement. She’s a really good “mommy blogger.”

Unequal childhoods and unequal adulthoods

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xq_iCMgP2Q

It will take about an hour to watch this lecture by Annette Lareau as she follows up her original research (early 2000s) on children in middle class and working class families, with how they did as young adults. I’d noticed in stores how differently some parents talk to their children (who may be in the shopping cart).  Although these days, they may be talking on the phone!  Often I wish they’d just shut up.  My goodness, they talk and talk and talk.  But some don’t.  Low income parents talk much less to their children, and by the time kids get to school there is an enormous gap in vocabulary.  But her research goes a lot deeper—about how middle class families “untie knots,” research ways to do things better, get the better school, or teacher, or activity. They have different social networks, they marry different people, and live in different neighborhoods which have different schools.

It’s worth watching.  But I don’t buy any government solution for this which we’ll hear from the academics.   The common complaint will increasingly be “white privilege,” but Lareau found similar attitudes in black and white families who are in the same socio-economic class. Fathers are more likely to be present in the middle class families; parents have more education; more sibling rivalry in middle class families; more talking; more boredom among middle class kids; and middle class kids stay “younger” longer with fewer responsibilities.  Race was not as big an issue as values and attitudes. Many middle class teaching approaches are the opposite of what works with low income kids. Drilling and memorization work well for them—just not for the teachers. Immigrant parents seem to have stronger academic standards for their children which may be lost by the 3rd generation.

How single moms make it

A mother replies to an article in the Washington Post about single moms. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2014/12/18/the-unbelievable-rise-of-single-motherhood-in-america-over-the-last-50-years/

“As a single mom left alone with two small children after my ex-husband left, I never used public welfare, educated my children in private schools through scholarships, and put myself through graduate school. One child graduated from medical school and the other is a dean's list student in college. The secret? They had a loving, nurturing and committed parent in their life who never missed a recital, lacrosse game, etc., even while studying for the bar exam. Was it hard? Absolutely. Was it impossible, no. With the help of lots of miracles, I was determined they would not be a statistic of their parents' faltered dreams. I didn't have the time/interest in dating and chose early on not to bring men around my two young daughters. I brought these two into the world and they were a priceless gift to me. As such, they were my top priority and remain so. Being their mom is my greatest accomplishment. If people looked on children more as a gift and treated them as such, the world would be better off.”

A father looks back—my nephew Robert--Friday family photo

As I look back on the 28 years since I had my first child, Christopher, and then the 17 years since I was blessed with twins, Alex and Sydney, I think about all the times I held them, giving them a really big hug to calm their fears, or to make them feel safe. Little did I know then that the one who really needed the hug, the one who needed to know love, was in fact me. Nothing in the world feels as good as a big, tight hug from your kids, and I really miss that. The military, out of state schools, and a busy school and work schedule keep me and my kids from having that special moment every time I desire or need it, but I want them to know, just how incredibly important they are to me and how much their simple act of a hug has on their dad. You guys are my world. Love you more than life itself!  (from a Facebook post, used with permission)

Father of Justine Pelletier tells his story on Glenn Beck—it’s frightening

But this story is from ABC News, just in case you don’t trust Glenn.

“One day Justina Pelletier was a seemingly healthy teenager performing jumps and spirals at a skating show and six weeks later, on Feb. 10, 2013, she was in the emergency room at Children's Hospital in Boston after a severe bout with the flu, refusing to eat and barely able to walk.

Her parents, Lou and Linda Pelletier of West Hartford, Conn., say their daughter was diagnosed and being treated at Tufts Medical Center for mitochondrial disease, a rare genetic disorder with physical symptoms that can affect every part of the body. Justina's sister Jessica, 25, is also being treated for the disease.

But three days later, a team of doctors at Boston Children's said her symptoms were psychosomatic, according to the family. The hospital then filed a complaint with the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families, as required by law, because they suspected the parents of child abuse for subjecting their daughter to invasive medical treatments and denying her mental health therapy.”

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/advocates-fight-teen-justin-pelletier-held-state-pysch/story?id=22312907

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/02/04/the-latest-from-the-parents-of-teen-held-by-hospital-against-their-will-doesnt-look-good-its-scary/

A mother’s advice

A man in his 20s was griping (on Facebook) about needing to live with his parents to make ends meet so he could attend college  (because of minimum wage job, I assume).  His mother (who is still under 40) chimed in:

Spend your money on rent instead of video games and movies and you wouldn't be living with your parents. Just a little advice from your comment. People today seem to think that smartphones, cable and spending money are necessities. They live above their means then ask for a handout when they don't have a Turkey for Thanksgiving or enough high tech toys for the kids for Christmas.

Maybe giving women the vote was a mistake

The USSR and Maoist China tried this, Melissa. "MSNBC Host Melissa Harris-Perry narrating a new MSNBC “Lean Forward” spot, laments that we in America “haven’t had a very collective notion that these are our children.” She said, “we have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families, and recognize that kids belong to their communities.” Fits right in with the compulsory pre-k program Obama wants.

She's also the one who called an unborn baby "a thing" when explaining the cost of raising a child. "When you’re talking about what it actually costs to have this thing turn into a human, why not allow women to make the best choices that we can with as many resources and options instead of trying to come in and regulate this process?”

But apparently regulating is fine after they are born, just not before.

Coffee shop encounter

“What do you say!” she barked loudly to her small daughter who had just received her do-nut. “Thank you,” the little one meekly replied.

I know I did that to my kids too back in the 1970s, which is probably why I noticed (could hear myself) but gosh, it grates on my old ears now.  It kind of smacks of “Everyone look at me, I’m teaching my kid good manners (by being rude to her in public).”

We had a lot of help becoming the crass, rude, it’s-all-about-me people we are today. Here’s my own assessment.

Prayer and Bible reading were taken out of schools incrementally, which removed any thought that there was an over arching system of  justice or wisdom above Me. Today you can’t even pass out red and green M&Ms at a school “holiday party.”

A War on Poverty was launched which drove men out of their children’s lives and diminished respect for marriage, which in turn removed tacit authority of parents. A single mom making $29,000 a year, can boost her income to about $69,000 through government benefits like housing allowances, EITC, SNAP, etc.

Second Vatican Council (Vatican II) took the Catholic church in a different direction, with much misunderstanding and craziness, and the Protestants just followed along.  Happy clappy songs and sloppy loopy teachings have replaced sound doctrine and good liturgy in all Christian denominations.

With falling standards among Christians in the 60s and 70s, divorce, contraception and abortion became the trinity of free and/or marital sex and shacking up.  What’s the point of modeling good behavior?

Boomers came of age—got themselves into all sorts of messes, including war protests and Marxism.  Resulted in a lot of them becoming academics and passing it along to Gen-Xers and Next-Gen. They became sappy grandparents with low to no standards.

That’s a lot to read into a rude parenting style, but words have consequences to the 3rd and 4th generation.

Read this carefully and explain

"This parking space is for expectant mothers and fathers with new born children."

Think about this "gender neutral" message for a moment. . . Does the huge luxury store that caters to my every whim for cheese or wine or meat want to earn points and create a customer-friendly image with politically correct, nonsexist nonsense which sounds like it was translated from a foreign language?

Why does an expectant father need a special parking place? Is he bloating or having charley horse pains in his hip as his waist expands so far he can't see his feet? Or this. If a woman has a new born in the car and drives to the Giant Eagle, is she even aware that she might be expecting another wee one? Or is the sign missing a comma, and really means the space is only for expectant mothers, or for fathers driving around with a new born in the car?  But that would mean mothers with a new born can't park there.

Also, think of the insensitivities this communicates to radical feminists (aka feminazis) who believe pregnant women are not even mothers, but simply carriers of a clump of parasitic cells that can be removed because it isn't a human yet.
 
Think about this and the last time you went to the store with young children.  Is it really more difficult to schlep a new born into the store than two toddlers and a sullen teen-ager who would rather not be seen with you? Which one really needs to be nearer the door?

Believe me, forty plus years ago I never took young children or babies to the grocery store, or to church, or to day care.  Saturday morning at Kroger's or Tarpy's was MY time, and I wasn't about to share it.

Rescue teams reach stranded teen sailor

I've been known to over react where the health and safety of minor children are concerned, but I believe Abby Sunderland's parents/guardians are guilty of neglect and child abuse. Her father compares her adventure and desire to set a world record for "youngest" to teens driving on the interstate. So would he send her cross-country alone driving a semi-truck loaded with explosives? Not a good example, daddy. If as a nation we had the collective balls to raise the legal driving age to 18, we could save 5,000 lives a year. Hard telling how many permanent brain injuries and damaged limbs that would involve. A 16 year old doesn't have a mature brain, and a teen girl, regardless of her athletic ability and sailing experience probably doesn't have the physical strength or body mass to ward off pirates and typhoons.

Rescue teams reach stranded teen sailor - CNN.com

Reading Hemingway

There was a dad sitting in a lounge chair at Panera's this morning reading Hemingway to his son. The son was about 9 months old and teething. Seemed to work. He took his daddy's finger out of his mouth long enough to give me a big smile.

Life isn't fair

A mother and her two young adult children. Read it here. "The fact is the worst age for a human being on this planet is between 13 and 23. If we’re honest with ourselves and each other we’ll admit that those were our STUPIDEST years . . . "