214 Ask a Librarian

Maybe all the other librarians in the world knew about this song, but I just discovered it: You can ask a librarian and you can listen to it and download.

213 Can government help marriage?

There are three things that women can do to virtually wipe out future poverty in this country according to a member of the Clinton administration. William Galston put the matter simply in an article last January in the Wall Street Journal. To avoid poverty, do three things: finish high school, marry before having a child, and produce the child after you are 20 years old. Only 8% of people who do all three will be poor; of those who fail to do them, 79% will be poor.

Eliminating the marriage tax penalty sent the right message, but I’m not confident that the Federal government needs to be spending money to promote marriage, even though we know the simple fact of married parents promotes the health, welfare and education of children. It’s just that there is no proof that people aren’t getting married because of poor interpersonal skills, nor that $1.5 billion can undo the mess of the last 35 years. I'm envisioning our city's life long learning program requesting dollars from the government for gourmet classes and nature walks--all in the name of promoting healthy, stable marriages.

A brief prepared on the topic in support of the administration in 2002 cited current research that children need to live with their biological parents in low-conflict marriages, but concluded there was no proven approach for building strong marriages.

Robert Reich sounds a bit deluded when he says it’s being poor that’s keeping women from getting married (although not keeping them from having babies). Poor people got married and usually stayed married for all of our history as a country--and they do so in many other countries. Is it only in America that a poor woman thinks she’ll be less poor if she raises two or three children by herself? Besides, movie stars, athletes and other entertainers promote a no-marriage lifestyle, and they certainly aren’t poor.

Even so, some (whose jobs depend on continuously funneling money into social problems) are complaining President Bush’s marriage initiative money should be going to single parents. Others are saying, what about those married people who don’t want anymore children, when are you going to help them? I say if Uncle Sam didn’t have to be a step-father (welfare, food stamps, public housing, and Medicaid make him a better and more reliable provider than many men), the government would save billions and children would be better off.

Recent history points to the 1970s as aggravating the problem--around the time of the growth of the current women’s movement, but no one points fingers (except me). The rate of white women having children out of wedlock is now equal to that of black women in the 1960s when sociologists were blaming a tradition of weak black families on slavery.

It seems God had a plan for marriage, one man and one woman and one marriage, and all our tweaking and fiddling with it whether by feminists, social workers, scholars or the Federal government has not improved on it.

Update from Mitt Romney's article

In the February 5, 2003 Wall Street Journal, Mitt Romney, Governor of Massachusetts has an editorial "Citizen's Guide to Protecting Marriage." Prefacing his list, which includes a warning not to let activist judges make laws, is this paragraph:

Marriage is a fundamental and universal social institution. It encompasses many obligations and benefits affecting husband and wife, father and mother, son and daughter. It is the foundation of harmonious family life. It is the basic building block of society: The development, productivity and happiness of new generations and bound inextricably to the family unit. As a result, marriage bears a real relation to the well-being, health and enduring strength of society."

212 Speaking of Microsoft

Have you seen that full page newspaper ad from Microsoft? "Great Moments at Work." There are people on the main floor running, shouting, full of joy and celebration. People in the balcony are throwing paper and cheering.

Take a closer look. On the main floor, I assume, are the movers and shakers and decision makers. Eight women and twelve men. Two Asians, one Hispanic, and one black. No one is bald, no one is old. Standing behind them on the balcony are the support staff, the gofers, the clerical workers.

Now look at the clothing. Notice how well dressed the women are. They are. . .well, professionally, sensibly but attractively dressed. Only one of the eight women on the main floor is in pants--and it's a lovely suit. High heels, subtle, tasteful jewelry. Modest skirt length, even dresses, and good hair cuts.

Where do you find women dressed like this in the business world? At the model agency, that's where.

Since the start of the latest feminist movement around 1970, it has baffled me that women go to work dressed for sports or the bar date after work, and then wonder why they aren't taken seriously. I noticed it about 20 years ago when I went to a very large insurance agency that was an architectural client of my husband; I noticed it when I worked at the Ohio Department of Aging in the 1980s; I noticed it at Ohio State University at public meetings with Trustees and Faculty; I notice it in the newspapers when photos are published of the workplace.

It's still the case that a man wearing khaki slacks and a sport coat with an open collar shirt looks like he's more serious about business than a woman in expensive wool slacks and a silk blouse.

211 Computer Administrator--that's me again

Microsoft Windows recognizes that each computer has an administrator, and that person can update and fiddle with things. Well, for a long time, two plus years, that was me. But in January, Microsoft stopped recognizing me, and when I'd try to update our machine I was told I wasn't the Administrator.

Some guys from Chem Abstracts have helped me out. They were really baffled. Tried a lot of things. Last night one of them thought to Google "administrators only" "Windows XP Home" and up popped some directions (when flipping to Groups) on how to fix this. Apparently, I wasn't the only administrator who got pushed out the door.

The solution was at the Usenet group, Microsoft.public.windowsupdate and the topic was "XP Home Administrator Only Error - Updates," offered by C. Brandon Chapman. Everything is working again, thanks to Mr. Chapman and to John who worked his magic with that advice.

210 Slow news day

Saturday is sometimes a slow news day. A good time to look through the Personals and see what people are looking for in the way of love and companionship.

“Single black Christian female, 47, employed, is seeking a single white Christian male with his own teeth and hair, between 30-45 employed, who likes country and western music.”

“A full figured 57 year old woman who likes garage sales and flea markets seeks a financially secure man who likes to cook.”

I don’t know about you, but these two ads gave me quite a chuckle--a middle aged black woman listening to C & W with her sweety, a young white dude who has his own teeth, and a heavy woman who has a rich guy at home cooking while she cruises the flea markets.

Also, women are getting smarter about writing these ads. Instead of mentioning walks in the park and romantic dinners, they now say they like NASCAR.

209 Seeking the lost, frayed and misplaced

January was a good month for finding lost ancestors. About a week ago, cousin Norma from Florida send a mailing tube which contained my husband’s grandparents’ very fragile wedding certificate, a 1935 certificate in teacher instruction from the Presbyterian Church for his grandmother Irma, and a huge formal photo of my husband’s great grandfather, George Brinton Byrum, on something that looks like the coated fabric of a window shade. We only recently learned his name, now I’m wondering about that format. A poster? Did he run for office in an organization, a town?

Earlier in the month I received an e-mail from the Shroads/Shrodes Family website--someone had answered my inquiry about Phoebe Shrodes, my father-in-law’s grandmother. The woman responding was Phoebe’s descendant and we’re trying to sort that out by e-mail.

Yesterday, cousin Jim in Alabama sent a large packet of information. He does genealogy the “right” way. About 25 years ago he interviewed the oldest member of his father’s family. He sent along a transcript of the tape, photocopies of the family Bible, a copy of a letter written in 1968 by a niece of his grandfather, and copies of some pages at the LDS online FamilySearch.

Armed with the information that my husband’s great-grandfather grew up in Beaver County, PA, I went on-line to the Family Forum, and found an entry for that family at Beaver Co, PA. Although the accuracy of the information needs to be checked, someone had posted the family four generations back from my husband’s great grandfather, to Charles, who was born in Scotland but was paying taxes in Beaver County in 1795.

Working through other family names that Jim sent, I learned many of my husband’s ancestors were German Lutheran. One recollection of the aunt recorded on the tape is of visiting family in Pennsylvania who spoke “Dutch,” the Americanized word for Deutsch, or German. Many of my Pennsylvania ancestors were also German Lutherans, so we’ll keep digging to see if we have any distant cousins in common.

I know from discussions in my writing class that genealogy can become a full time occupation, even an obsession. Class members who used to do crafts, volunteer work, or were employed, now devote all discretionary time to their ancestors and tracking down threads and snippets of family history.

Not all people get the bug to look into their roots. When I found the huge cache of information at the Beaver County, PA site, I yelled to my husband in the next room, “Hey Hon, I’ve hit the mother lode. Come here quick.” “The cat is on my lap,” he responded.

208 Index to themes, topics, passing thoughts, and ideas, updated

I am now also posting at Church of the Acronym on matters concerning religion and faith, and at Norma's Journal, on matters concerning books and libraries. So those topics won't be appearing here as often.

academe, libraries 10, 26, 29, 38, 54,67, 70, 75, 134, 176, 197
art and artists 54, 66, 102,126,148, 185
blogging 1, 32, 46, 56, 199,198
books and journals 2, 29, 31, 47, 51, 53, 57, 74, 90, 93,104,110, 115, 117, 119,149, 152, 155, 158, 166,170, 176
condo living 40, 42
culture 31, 41, 139,140,202
economy, finances 7, 13, 33, 43, 61, 96,101, 111,127, 132,163, 201
education 110, 175, 203
entertainment 72, 90, 109,123,129, 139, 186
faith and values 14, 30, 31, 32, 37, 46, 50, 63, 62, 68, 69, 87, 94,118, 127,130, 132,131,138, 141,145,152, 166, 168, 181, 202, 203
family 2, 4, 6, 21, 24, 28, 34, 36, 39, 55, 59, 67, 79, 80, 82, 86, 89, 98,122,128, 143,151, 156,160,165,169, 195, 196,197, 200, 204, 205, 206
fashion 21, 55
food, recipes, eating out 3, 8, 10, 11, 25, 35, 36, 42, 56, 59, 105,108,137,161,207
friends 9, 10, 21, 50, 54, 92,102,168
genealogy 19, 20, 24, 44, 67, 71, 73,106,200
health 23, 25, 36, 39, 48, 53, 61, 60, 81, 83, 88,128,133,146,156, 160, 178, 182,196
history 85
Illinois 44, 54, 63, 67
Internet, Usenet, computers 26, 32, 33, 37, 62, 190
language 117,124,125
nature 31, 42, 58, 57
observations, misc. 5, 12, 15, 49, 52, 113, 114,120, 121,136 154,162, 177, 179, 183, 184,187, 189,191,
Ohio 20, 40, 97,107
pets 27, 39, 56, 92, 122
poetry 14, 22, 44, 55, 63, 80, 153
politics 9, 43, 70, 76, 78, 87, 99, 103, 116, 132, 135, 147,150,159, 181, 188, 193.
science 2, 16, 29, 193
technology 96,142, 194
sports 192
war 100,119, 143,144, 147,
women 20, 23, 44, 63
writing 19, 62, 65, 67, 95,157,164, 180, 204

207 Retro Cook Books

Wednesday is Food and Recipes in the Columbus Dispatch. I noticed an article about Retro Cook Books. Most of mine are Retro, because they are either from my early married years, yard sales, or were my mother's.

The published recipe caused a gag reflex. "Tomato Pudding." I think mother called it scalloped tomatoes. It contains stewed tomatoes, some sort of bread product, and sugar. My dad often made the poor man's version--dump stewed tomatoes (home canned by my mother) into a bowl, crush a handful of crackers and place on top with a spoonful of sugar. He loved it. And if I ate supper at JoElla's house, her dad ate the same thing.

206 Don’t do this

Last week I locked myself out of my car at the shopping center. When I called my husband he asked if I had the remote with me. “Yes,” I said, “on the key chain inside the car.”

This morning, he called me from the Lake house. He had locked himself out of the car with the motor running, but had taken the remote with him. He discovered when returning to the car, what we didn’t know: the remote doesn’t work if the motor is running. I don’t know why this “failsafe” is part of the design, but fortunately the police came and opened the car, and he is on the way home.

205 Waiting for the plumber

My husband is recovering from shoulder surgery and using the time to practice for retirement. So he comes into the office and watches me write my blogs and answer e-mail, and watches me while I fix dinner, feed the cat, iron, fold laundry, etc.

Friday I was racing around gathering items for my art class. "What time is the plumber coming?" I asked. "9 a.m." he replied. At 8:59 he pulled a chair up in front of the kitchen window to watch for the plumber. "You're new at this, aren't you," I laughed as I rushed out the front door. I told the ladies in art class. It got a chuckle. We'd all spent many a day or two waiting for service people to show up, having been stay at home Moms before or after our careers. After class, we took in a small art show and went out for lunch.

When I got home, the shower drain was working again. Snaking had done the trick. "What time did he get here?" I asked. "About 5 after 9," he replied. "What is his name?" I asked. "Matt Miracle."

204 Handicrafts some of us didn't do

We had such a good time in writing class today at the Public Library "Writing family memories." The instructor asked each of us to bring in something that either we had made or something crafted by a family member.

Some of the women had knitted, crocheted, decoupaged, painted ceramics, embroidered, cross stitched, and sewn for themselves and their children. One woman's great grandfather had been a tailor and his wife was a seamstress. She brought in a maroon velvet suit he'd made for her great uncle, and she had a photo of him wearing it when he was 10.

Another member of the class had written about her project of decoupaging wedding invitations for about 25 years, and brought along her box of supplies, including the stained gloves. After not knitting in years, another has taken it up recently and is loving it and showed us a lovely wrap she is working on. She told of sewing her children's clothes in a bandana fabric that matched her maternity top and then taking them on adventures to get them out of the house. "I never lost them," she said. The youngest member of the group--the only one who still has children at home--showed us a lovely fabric hand bag she had just finished when her husband took the children for an outing.

I was never very crafty--don't like to measure or do detail, and that seems to be essential. But like a lot of women my age I did learn to sew, learning both from my mother and from 4-H projects. A month before I got married, I bought a sewing machine for $50 and I still have it--it goes forwards and backwards, but nothing else and I probably haven't used it in 15 years.

So I brought along and passed around a selection of my old Simplicity and McCalls patterns--my 1960 wedding going away dress (blue silk), a ruffled red wool for a New Year's Eve party in 1964, the dress I made of flocked white organdy to match my daughter's baptismal dress in 1968, bell bottom pants and tunic I made in bright lime green in 1969. a midi in brown wool tweed and vest made in 1970, a school dress for my daughter made in 1973, and a denim wrap around jumper made in the early 80s.

Next week we have to write a story about the items we brought in.

203 Teaching children to give

I’m definitely out of touch. I didn’t realize there were funded organizations and programs and websites “to teach children to give.” So the public schools, the very folk who pushed all religious training underground and drove millions to home schooling, now are filling the values gap with “teaching to give.” At a web site dedicated to workshops, lesson plans, history of philanthropy, and civic engagement we read:

“We have relied in the past on churches, families, friends and neighborhoods to teach children the value and significance of service and giving. We have assumed that our children know their heritage as citizens who do not need to be "empowered" by an outside agency, but who are born empowered as their inherent right of citizenship. It is sadly ironic that today, as emerging foreign democracies seek our assistance in establishing philanthropic traditions of their own, the traditional forces for teaching this ethic to children in the United States are eroding.” Learning to Give

Recently I visited a friend homebound due to a fracture. She lives close to my church, it was a Sunday morning, so I skipped the 9 a.m. service and made a house call. We were comparing our faith’s teaching on this. “In the Jewish faith, doing a mitzvah, a good deed, is very important,” she told me. “Visiting the sick is called the mitzvah of Bikur Cholim.” “Same in the Christian faith,” I replied. “Jesus taught that when the sheep and goats are separated on judgment day, those who fed the hungry and visited the sick and took in the stranger, will be treated as though they did it for Him.”

According to the website, the DotNet generation (16-26) have a high level of faith in government and support for much of what it does, but very low levels of involvement in civic life or volunteering for others. Well, I’m not surprised! They probably think the government should do everything all major religions teach their adherents to do!

202 Myths we want to believe

In a women’s group Saturday at a suburban church we were discussing materialism. "The world" is a favorite topic of Christians, and consumerism truly is our golden calf. So not much has changed since Moses’ day. I mentioned the ABC 20/20 Friday night news program hosted by John Stossel, "Lies, Myths and Downright Stupidity; Stossel’s List of Popularly Reported Misconceptions." I believe he has written a book by this title.

One of the myths, # 7, was that "Money can buy happiness." It fit with our discussion. Everyone agreed it is a myth. Sure, we’ve all heard the proverbs and the songs, but still virtually everyone thinks, more is better. He cited a study that showed money does buy happiness if your family income is below $30,000, but by $50,000 it doesn’t affect your sense of well being at all.

A number of the myths in Stossel’s book have to do with wealth, the good life, or even all the issues politicians fight over.

10) Cold temperatures give you colds. Not so--it’s viruses.
9) We have less free time than we used to. Not so. People were asked to track their time, and were watching 3 times more TV than they estimated. 36 million golf; 65 million camp; millions go to the beach; millions flock to sporting events (more than go to church I think)
8) Families need 2 incomes just to survive. Not so, in most cases. It’s a choice. One of the women in the interview group who insisted she had to have a part time job was using the money for a third car (2 drivers in the family).
7) See above--money and happiness.
6) Republicans are for small government. Not so. No Republican administration in 75 years has reduced government. The Bush Administration has grown government by 25% and has increased domestic spending in education, labor, the environment, etc. beyond anything in the Clinton Administration.
5) The rich don’t pay taxes. For this a Democratic Presidential candidate was interviewed and he really dropped the ball--and evaded the question, because he wants taxes on the rich to go up. The richest 1% ($300,000 and up) of Americans pay 34% and the top 5% (over $125,000) pay more than 50% of all federal taxes.
4) Chemicals are killing us. No. We obsess over it, however. A group of children were interviewed and their fear of chemicals was striking. In Uganda two to three million people die annually because the USA won’t make and sell DDT. “It’s fine to be a rich, white environmentalist,” says Amir Attaran on the show. “It’s not so fine if you’re a poor black kid about to die of malaria.”
3) Gun control is making a difference. Not even close. For this they interviewed convicted felons who said they’d never purchased a gun legally, so the laws made no difference to them. They feared armed citizens more than the police or jail they said.
2) We’re drowning in garbage. No. This myth got started with that floating barge of garbage back in 1987. There are plenty of landfills, and many become useful space after compacting and resurfacing.
1) New York harbor is filthy and polluted. For this myth, Stossel jumped into the water. I’m not sure I would do that to prove a point. He isn’t looking quite as healthy and vibrant as he used to.

Myths are hard to give up, especially if they give your life meaning and definition, and especially causes to work for. There’s plenty out there to do for others--just open the Bible to find your “to do” list. It will also take care of the free time problem.

201 The Proposed Lifetime Savings Account

Sometimes I have to work a bit to remember what it was like to be 35. Although we had a savings account, it was really a “put and take” account. If we deposited our tax refund check in May, it was a guarantee we’d need four tires in July, or the summer storms would rip limbs out of the oak tree in the front yard requiring $400 of tree surgery. Vacations? A week at my mother’s farm. So I try to relax about the way my kids save and spend their money. They are no worse or better than I was at their age.

The Bush Administration has proposed a change to the Roth IRA plan and a new Lifetime Savings Account. Both accounts would offer tax-free withdrawals with contribution limits of $7,500 each with contributions to both allowed for a total of $15,000 per person. However, Lifetime Savings Accounts would have fewer restrictions both for contributions and withdrawals. For detailed information on the Lifetime Savings Account, see link. As I understand it, the dividends will not be taxed and there will be no withdrawal penalty.

Americans have one of the lowest savings rates in the world. I don’t know that 35 year olds will suddenly start doing a better job than I did, but maybe it is worth a try?

200 Four years ago

Today is the fourth anniversary of my mother’s death. I’m sitting here with a package of her letters mailed to me this week from my cousin Marianne in Iowa. In genealogy, one uses the word “cousin” a bit loosely but warmly. Marianne is the grand daughter of Mary Ann, the sister of my great grandfather, David. She is my second cousin once removed. She is a serious genealogist who authored “The Jacob George Family of Adams County, Pennsylvania” (1998). She and my mother had corresponded for years about this genealogy, but I recognize that some of the material in the book is what I pulled together for her from Mom’s records.

I didn’t wait until Mother’s death to canonize her as some have done with their parents. I’ve always known I had an exceptional mother (well, not counting those awful teenage years when I knew everything and she knew nothing!). And I’ve never known anyone who thought otherwise. She was, however, a rather private person, kept her own counsel, I think is the phrase. Didn’t dabble in controversy. Didn’t gossip. Didn’t argue. So her letters from 1975 to 1998 are less than forthcoming. Weather report. Crop report. Grandchildren report. Health report (as they aged).

Each year Mother wrote promises or near-promises to travel to Iowa so they could see each other in person, but as far as I can tell from the letters, this only happened for Thanksgiving in 1988, although the Iowans did visit in Illinois in the late 70s.

Since Marianne was her cousin and also Brethren, she did share some thoughts on their common heritage on Christmas: “[at a 1978 retreat] no one of Brethren background could recall Christmas trees except at our country school programs. Most of us hung up stockings as children. Christmas dinners with relatives and programs at church and school seemed bigger than our present celebrations. Gifts were mostly homemade. We had lots of fun and excitement as we remembered.”

She fretted a little on Memorial Day 1975 that she and her sister were the only ones left to place flowers at the grave sites of parents and brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, something their mother had always done. In 1987 she recalls visiting in Iowa her great Aunt Annie as a young child--“the comb honey served at meals and the fat feather mattress we slept on reached with a little foot stool. I wish I might have known them at a later age when memories wouldn’t be so dim and one could appreciate more.”

Finally, in 1998, Mother writes Marianne that “I try to tell Amy (granddaughter, early 30s) stories about the family [learned from Marianne’s mother] so someone remembers how the George family spread out and came west.

199 The answer to my question

In response to my question about why I'm advertising for you know who for you know what, the friendly robot at Google has replied:

Hello Norma,

Thank you for taking the time to contact Google AdSense.

Since the ability for us to serve ads on a site depends on a number of factors, such as our ability to crawl the site, the content of each of the web pages, and the availability of related AdWords ads, Google does not guarantee that we'll always have relevant ads to display.

We appreciate you taking the time to offer us this feedback, and we
encourage you to continue to let us know how we can improve Google
AdSense.

198 I don't choose my ads for Blogspot

I'm using Blogger el-cheapo. So I have a small discreet ad in blue at the top of my web log. Nothing flashy. For free, I can live with it. But in 197 or so blogs, I've probably mentioned Howard Dean once. So whose name is flashing at the top of my Collecting My Thoughts, why Mr. Dean, of course (at least as I'm typing this).

How is that paid for--does a crawler go out and grab anyone who has ever mentioned him? And what if someone talks about Dean Howard, or Dean Martin, or Dean's Milk? Would that flag an ad? Or is it anything political?

Google has asked for feedback, so here's what I've written:

Dear Friendly People at Google:

You seem to be doing an OK job on ads for my http://uglyacronym.blogspot.com, and have included Lutheran and hymnal ads which is about right since I am a Lutheran and blogging about religious topics.

But on my other one, http://collectingmythoughts.blogspot.com, which is about anything and everything, recipes, genealogy, memories, etc., I've probably mentioned Howard Dean once in 196 posts, politics in 10 or 15, but his name appears in the blogspot ad. What's up with that?

197 Mother and the library

This week is the fourth anniversary of my mother’s death in 2000. To honor her memory, we set up a memorial with the library foundation for the public library in my home town which was raising money for an expansion and remodeling of its tiny building. I haven’t lived in Mt. Morris since the late 1950s, but I know 6 of the 10 people on the library foundation board.

Like many small town libraries, the Mt. Morris Public Library was established by a community club, a current events club, that loaned books in the 19th century. Around 1931 a public library was organized and my mother had library card #13 obtained that year and used until she died. In the early 20th century, Mt. Morris wasn’t your average little town--it had both a Christian college and a printing industry--a town of the Book and books.

By the late 1990s, the little library building was busting out at the seams, so a foundation was set up to raise the funds and an architect was hired. It was dedicated in November 2002, and last July there was a special ceremony to honor all the librarians who had served there with a tree planted for each one.

The library’s web page is utilitarian and informational, but doesn’t really show the amazing transformation and lovely interiors. For that, you’ll need to check out the web page of the architect.

196 When doctors made house calls

I drove my husband to the doctor's office this morning and instead of the usual array of magazines to read while I waited, I found a nice book, "Medicine's Great Journey; one hundred years of healing" (1992). I had recently seen the cover photo someplace on the web--it's by W. E. Smith for Life Magazine in 1948 of a doctor in coat, tie and hat walking through the weeds to a rural home.

One of the last house calls I remember was in 1949, when a doctor who drove from Mt. Morris to our house in Forreston to see my ill sister, gave my parents the bad news that she might have polio. I have few tender memories of Dad, but I still see him carrying her, a good sized adolescent, wrapped in a blanket, out to the family car to be taken to the Freeport IL hospital. She survived the disease and therapy, and we were all quarantined. Dad couldn't return to our home after the sign was put on our house. Our library books had to be destroyed rather than returned. My school classmates wrote me letters which were brought to the house and left on the porch. Odd what children put away to remember.

She survived, but post polio syndrome returned to haunt her later years and contributed to her death from a diabetic stroke. I will blog about that in February, the anniversary.

A few weeks before her hospitalization in 1949, my cousin Jimmy had died of the same bulbar polio. We had all been at a Sunday afternoon family dinner together the day before he became ill. In my mind's eye Jimmy was the golden child--handsome, athletic, black curly hair, charming.

Two years ago I went back for a high school reunion and one of the guys, an all-sports athlete, and still an active golfer and little league coach, gave us a walk down memory lane of all the athletes that had come out of our little school. The two in our class who actually made careers out of it were women, and we had no organized, competitive sports for women in the 1950s.

In the course of that presentation he talked about Jimmy. How even at age 12, playing basketball and football, he was spectacular--everyone knew he had the potential to be a state champ. I was so shocked to hear his name--in my years at that school (I transferred there 2 years after his death) I'd never heard him mentioned. I suppose I thought only family remembered him. Odd what children put away to remember.

195 I hate Loyalty cards rant

I've already blogged about how much I dislike playing games with these stupid loyalty cards and rewards programs. Here's a story about how the desire to save a few pennies (well, OK, so it was $15) can really cost you.

I don't have loyalty cards, but I do use my friend Adrienne's. Today I was doing my usual shopping at Meijers, paid for my groceries, and waved to a check out clerk down the line who used to work at the library (a story for another day). She said, "Did you get your 15% off with your Big Bear Wildcard?" I looked a little puzzled. But Big Bear has gone belly up here in Columbus, so in an attempt to win over its customers, Meijer's is offering 15% off the total this week only. Of course, my check out clerk hadn't mentioned it.

I took the groceries to the car, across the ice, snow blowing in my face, debating what to do. I really hate these cards, but have used A's cards occasionally because it's a bit of a hike to Meijer's. After unloading the groceries, I couldn't find my slip, so I got into the car and went through my pockets and purse until I found it. I went back into the store to customer service, and got back about $15 in cash, but they made me turn in the card (sorry, Adrienne, I didn't know they would do this).

I reached into my purse for the car keys and couldn't find them. I hustled to the car hoping it hadn't been stolen because I was pretty sure I would've put the keys in the ignition by rote while looking for the grocery slip. No, not stolen, but the keys were in the ignition and the doors were locked.

My husband, of course, has the other key, but because of his rotator cuff surgery he can't drive. Adrienne actually lives rather close, but I'd had coffee with her at 6:30 a.m. and she told me she was taking the grandchildren out for breakfast. So after a phonecall home, and a neighbor's help, my husband found me at the store just hanging up the phone from my fourth call. So instead of $15, my refund was more like $13, because pay phones are now $.50.