Time, ambition or will

 Although I often say I'm rarely busy, I do have a dilemma right now because I can't get done what I'm planning in my head. It's taking up a lot of space there between my ears and probably melting brain cells--particularly during my morning quiet time when I could be reading the Bible, reading something for book club, or researching.  I know the time is available--it would take about two-three days of intense research, writing or using the telephone (I hate that). Other than going to doctors' appointments, shopping for groceries and exercising at the gym (which is only about 2 miles away) I really am not a busy person.  The ambition for doing anything at all is flagging, and since I've always been highly distractable I don't finish a lot of projects (I suspect if I'd ever been tested for ADHD I could have scored high enough for the school system to have upset my mother).  So it's probably will.  I just don't have the will (determination, strength of character, self-discipline, backbone, tenacity) to sit down and do it.  Just do it.  Isn't that a slogan?

1. Prepare a well thought out argument about the wisdom of UALC's proposed capital campaign for remodeling both campuses. I know no one will listen--I've been through this a number of times since I was 11 years old.  For this I've gone all the way back to 1951 when the Mt. Morris Church of the Brethren (see below 1956, $321,000) began its campaign to "add a few classrooms" for $13,000 to its building on Seminary Avenue and I conclude (in my busy mind) with Covid lockdowns, inflation, use of space in our current huge buildings, needs of our mission partners, and our current bond issue to increase even more our real estate taxes (just had a huge bond issue 3 years ago).
2. Research the seven books of the Bible (Septuagint) removed by Luther and now called "Apocrypha"  by Protestants--Tobit, Judith, Wisdom, Sirach, Baruch, I and II Maccabees - plus sections of Esther and Daniel. It's the Bible Christians used for 1500 years.  Most of my personal library about the Bible is Reformed, Lutheran or Baptist, so it would take some effort to find balanced research. The public library is useless. Sometimes the internet is no help--either has too much or only the "approved" version. 
3. Find out why two words (without Christ) were added to the confession we use on Sunday. Even the 10 minutes I took to look at my old hymnals started me down a rabbit hole of thinking about how hymnals are revised and the copyright works.
4. Many art discussions and shows. Raphael tapestries (yesterday) being the most recent, but find many others, particularly in Magnificat. I have 2 magazines subscription, New Criterion and First things that have wonderful articles, but they sit on the living table for a month before the new issue arrives, then they are moved to my office.
5. Cull and take to resale, books and clothing. A never ending problem. Too much sentimental attachment.
6. My latest decorating mistake--new bedspreads for the guest room--didn't turn out well. Need to replace, and that means shopping and spending money.
7. Research advantages of a smaller car. Our Pacifica is too big and we're getting smaller.
8. Practice math. I need to start talking to myself, something like "I'm good at math," or "I can do this," or "Time to work through a few math problems."
9. Analyze the cost and advantage of new garage doors (most of the residents all ready have them, but since ours was less than 15 years old, we were exempt). It would replace one massive door with 2 smaller ones.
10. Find out how to get an approved Covid test for an upcoming colonoscopy.  I don't want to drive to the east side just because I'm part of a particular group and that's what COPC does.
11. Plan for our upcoming art show which will be hung on November 11, but the room for the reception is Sunday November 27.  Write my stories about the paintings, some of which go back to 1974, some using old photos, 1912, 1944, 1950, plus old Lakeside Rhein Center paintings in workshops. 
    
    
    
12. And my goodness.  So many things to relearn on the current computer (labels, database creation, scanning photos, pdf, etc.) that I knew for the old computer. So many things on the smart phone which I've had since February.
13. November book club. Will I read it?
14. Request several titles from UAPL, but will I read them?
15. Do something, or at least think about the musty smell in all the books and papers in the basement--I mean the "lower level" or the "man cave" aka office.  Had them all cleaned about 5 years ago.  Should I call Janet again--I can't get on a ladder anymore and she's just a few years younger; need to research the right solution to safely wipe down shelves and books. 
16. And did I mention going through all the "archives" of our art collection?  Two painters, plus all the paintings we've collected by other artists since the 1960s. We have frames, glass, acrylic, pieces of matt board, pieces of backing board, all standing up in a closet, or on shelves.
17. Should I buy more food for emergency storage?  Joe is talking Armageddon and nuclear war so we've got a crazy leader in Russia and a demented leader in the USA, and I don't even have extra batteries in the house, and I see a lot of pasta in my "emergency tornado" food box.  How would we cook pasta if Putin dropped a bomb on NYC or DC? Remember in the 1950s when the basement of our school building was lined with huge bundles of dried (I assume) food stuffs.  Must have been for the whole town. And we learned to duck under our school desks.  Sure, that will solve the problem our government doesn't know how to fix.
18. I'd better go do my hair.  Washed it this morning.