“I'm glad I didn't spend one minute watching funerals the past few days. Didn't tune in to a lick of them. And from what I've read, the division that ensued turned what should have been life memorials and celebrations into clown shows. Bring back the days when funerals weren't miniseries on TV starring a cast of characters settling scores. Do me a favor, y'all, even if I become rich and famous, if I should die before the rapture (which I don't expect!), please don't put my funeral on TV. There's something morbid about folks with buckets of popcorn and butter sitting 'round their living rooms watching a funeral. Don't send out invitations to VIP folks who have "earned" a seat at the "event." Don't mention my political party. And don't use my funeral to criticize the president, whoever he or she may be at that time. Just get your praise on 'cause I guarantee that's what I'll be doing in Heaven while y'all are crying on earth--and yes, somebody better cry, at least a lil bit! Ain't nobody got time for all this other nonsense. I won't be leaving behind a set of instructions that would bring shame to my memory, and please don't y'all shame it, either. Love y'all, and thank you--WAY in advance!”
Ms. Ross is a former NY English teacher who now lives in Missouri, writes a regular column, is an author, and an inspirational speaker.
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