A church joke from an internet friend

Subject: Squirrelly

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

Is he a dog or a woman or a tree?

I don't know if Megan Rohrer is a transwoman or a transman, but Rohrer was a bishop in the Sierra Pacific ELCA (Lutheran) Synod. I say WAS because Rohrer has resigned due to another issue, not the gnosis where the mind has delusions of being in the wrong body. The squabble seems to have been about a Spanish speaking congregation with BLM overtones or maybe undertones. ELCA does not speak for "Lutherans" of other synods, and maybe not even for their own members by electing Rohrer.

If my mind tells me that I'm in the wrong body, what's to keep it from deciding my mind really resides in a body that is a dog. . . or a dogwood tree? It's my mind--shouldn't I have a voice rather than your antiquated theories of gender? Because transgenderism has morphed into the woke movement (part of critical theory based on Marxist ideas of oppression and oppressors) there's no reason it can't expand to accept my delusions too. But because I still have a mind, my mind is telling my body to refute and criticize the gender/woke delusions currently residing in the medical, education, religious and entertainment industries. I won't settle there and I won't use their silly language.

Call me slow. . .

We attend a liturgical service at our Lutheran Church—and we’re in the North American Lutheran Synod, which is conservative and pulled out of the ELCA maybe nine years ago. We’ve been in the same congregation but 3 synods in 45 years.   But it’s the same wording for Confession and Forgiveness and we say it every Sunday. I don’t think the informal/contemporary service use this Confession.

“. . . We confess that without Christ (that’s just been added recently) we are in bondage to sin and we cannot free ourselves.  We have sinned against You in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone.  We have not loved You with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.  For the sake of Your Son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us.  Forgive us, renew us, and lead us, so that we may delight in Your will and walk inn Your ways, to the glory of Your holy name. Amen.”

I looked through the 1930 hymnal and with the exception of the archaic thees and thous it’s similar.  However, I notice there is no contrition (repentance, turning away from sin) expected on the part of the believer, no promise or even a suggestion that she’ll change.  How could that be? I know the words of the hymn, Jesus did it all, but I have no responsibility to even try to not sin?

If I borrow your truck and it has half a tank of gasoline, and I return it to you empty, I say, “Oh I’m so sorry, couldn’t find a gas station,” or “I ran out of time” or “I didn’t have enough money”—something like that.  Then next week I borrow it again, and again return it empty, telling you, “Gosh I’m so sorry,” but make up an excuse even more lame.  Then the 3rd week I do it again, but just say, “Forgive me for the empty tank,” and leave it at that.

Even in the Lord’s Prayer, the one Jesus taught, the believer asks the Lord to forgive our trespasses, and then says “as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Ka-boom. A sign of change.  We have to forgive if we expect forgiveness.

Lutheran potlucks

What are you hearing in sermons and homilies?

Howard Kainz, a Catholic, observes, “I was surprised in the last couple months to hear two homilies – one on the abuse crisis and cover-ups, the other on abortion. My surprise is based on the fact that I have never heard these two topics discussed at any Sunday Mass since Vatican II. And I have attended Masses in quite a few states.”

I’ve noticed the same thing at our church.  In over 40 years at UALC, I’ve heard one sermon on marriage and nothing about abortion, homosexuality, same sex marriage, war, poverty, immigration, and just a smidgen on finances, etc. It is up to small groups or social ministries to address those concerns—without a pastor and usually without Biblical leadership.

Forty years ago I was relieved not to hear about the culture and day to day drama from the pulpit, as we had transferred from First Community Church and that seemed the primary topic of the day, but with no gospel.  The preacher there in the 1970s was a fabulous speaker, impassioned, poetic, with sermons that read like the front page of the Washington Post;  and he was also unfaithful to his wife and children leaving in disgrace. Maybe he just had pent up energy or guilt.

But there are times I feel we conservatives Christians are drowning in a culture of hate, bias, misinformation, and scripture twisting. I understand the pastor has to speak to everyone, but it does seem we just quietly go out to coffee in the narthex to struggle on our own while munching blueberry donut holes.

https://www.thecatholicthing.org/2018/11/12/homilies-on-hot-topics/

Hymns of praise

 

We attend the traditional service at our Lutheran church (NALC) in Upper Arlington, Ohio.  There are two other types of services—one I call “happy clappy” which I’m guessing is mostly post-1960s songs and praise music without liturgy and the other “clangy bangy” with very loud guitars and drums, and we have two locations for one congregation. Right now we have a total of five services, but I can remember a time when we had 10, trying to suit all the tastes in worship style and preaching. Our traditional service at Lytham Road has a choir and the other two have praise bands with perhaps a quartet to lead the music.  The pastors rotate, so we all eventually hear the same sermons by the same pastors. Right now we’re in a study called “Gathered,” which is about worship.  Last week was on music (song) with sermon by senior pastor Steve Turnbull and yesterday was the sacraments by Aaron Thompson who is director of the high school ministry.  Lutherans have two sacraments—baptism and communion, but for 1500 years the Christian church had six sacraments, but Martin Luther cut them to two, and today many Protestant and Bible and non-denominational churches have no sacraments, only memorials.

So this all leads to the opening hymn of praise, “Praise the Lord! O Heavens. I always read the information about the hymn writers at the bottom of the page (I don’t like to read words on a screen, because I like to see the music so I can practice my dwindling ability to read music.) This one said, Text: The Foundling Hospital Collection, London, 1796.  One of the beautiful things I appreciate about the Internet is I don’t have to wait long to satisfy my curiosity. An antiquarian book dealer, Simon Beattie of London had one for sale and was discussing its history. You can go to his website for further explanation of the institution and its collection, and also http://www.intriguing-history.com/foundling-hospital-collection/  The hospital has a fascinating history which includes Dickens and Handel. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foundling_Hospital

The Foundling Hospital, Britain’s first children’s charity, had been established by Thomas Coram in 1739.  ‘The Hospital chapel, in use by 1749 and officially opened in 1753, soon became well known for its music as well as for its elegant architecture and adornments …  The singing of the children at ordinary Sunday services was a great attraction to fashionable London and became an important source of income to the Hospital through pew rents and voluntary contributions.  Music was specially composed and arranged for the Hospital chapel, and the success of the singing led to a demand for this music, which was met by the publication of a book called Psalms, Hymns and Anthems; for the Use of the Chapel of the Hospital for the Maintenance and Education of Exposed and Deserted Young Children.  It is generally known more informally as the Foundling Hospital Collection’ (Nicholas Temperley, ‘The Hymn Books of the Foundling and Magdalen Hospital Chapels’, Music Publishing & Collecting: Essays in Honor of Donald W. Krummel (1994), p. 6).  [from Beattie’s blog)

This hymn is in the 1978 Lutheran Book of Worship and the Lutheran Service Book and Hymnal of 1958, which notes the text is by John Bacchus Dykes, 1823-76, which wouldn’t work with the copyright of 1796.

Catholics and Lutherans on Grace

I'm not linking back to this former Lutheran pastor's name until I check with him that it's OK. If it's not, I'll remove the post. He's now a Catholic.

"Catholics and Lutherans both agree grace is undeserved and entirely all God’s doing. How God does it is where the wheels spin off the rails. Catholics held to a”infusion” of grace, Lutherans to an “imputation.” Either way, the same source, God.

Infusion of grace enables sinners to cooperatively “grow” toward God through lives transformed in Christ. Imputation of grace declares you’re never going to be any more righteous than you are at the moment Christ declares you his. Nonetheless, both Catholics and Lutherans hold to the doctrine of sanctification, growth in holiness.

In a sense, Catholics conflate justification and sanctification. For Lutherans, sanctification rises as one gains greater awareness of being justified. Now, for the life of me I can’t tell a whole lot of difference one from the other – justification is through Christ by faith that we may ever become who we are, children of God. But in the rarefied airs of theology-talk, Lutherans accused Roman Catholics of believing that humans can earn salvation, and Roman Catholics accused Lutherans of believing that Christians do not need to have their lives transformed. Neither, examined attentively, is what the other actually taught.

A Waffle House waitress explained it to me when I once – and never since – tried to order grits. Grits are like grace, you know. “Honey, you don’t order grits, they just comes.” Now, does it matter how I eat them when they arrive, mixed with my scrambled eggs, or take them straight from the bowl?""

Hillarycare and ELCA

I used to be a Democrat, and voted for Bill Clinton.  I left the reservation in 2000, and some of my ire was at Hillary for her universal health care plan, when she was FLOTUS, and some was at her philandering husband.  I retired that year from OSU and no longer had to worry about being a Democrat with conservative values. But a 1993 letter shows the worm was turning much earlier.

While cleaning yesterday I came across a  November1993 letter I'd written to The Lutheran, organ of ELCA, the largest Lutheran synod in the U.S.  At the time I didn't know ELCA's position on abortion (anytime for any reason), or I may have left our church.  The magazine had carried a "Special Report: Health Care," and it seems to be written by Lawrence O'Connell S.T.D.  The initials aren't for sexually transmitted diseases, but doctorate in sacred theology. That said, it's HillaryCare. I don't know who gave him that degree, but I give him an F for ethics, after going on-line and checking out various boards, committee, and positions he's held.

The heart of my letter (ELCA didn't respond nor did O'Connell) : "Instead of placing personal responsibility for good health as first, the task force put it number 13.  We would not have a need for such a document or billions spent on health care if it were not for abuse of alcohol, cigarettes, food and sexual behavior.  Once those health problems, all of which are personally manageable, are set aside, we can afford the rest with pocket change."

I go on to ask how is it ethical for O'Connell to decide I should pay the social and economic costs of someone else's abortion, drunk driving, obesity, STDs or even failure to floss?  where is the justice in "redistributing" our resources? Hasn't socialism, which is what "redistribution" and "communal sharing of risks" means, shown itself to be a complete failure in Eastern Europe and the USSR?"

The Pope, the Lutheran and the Eucharist

I have now found a good translation at a Catholic site of what Pope Francis said to a Lutheran woman about taking communion at her husband's Catholic church, although it doesn’t help much. “Talk to the Lord and then go forward” is why we have 35,000 different Christian denominations many with no authority higher than the pastor who organized the church.

 

”I can only respond to your question with a question: what can I do with my husband that the Lord’s Supper might accompany me on my path? It’s a problem that each must answer [for themselves], but a pastor-friend once told me that “We believe that the Lord is present there, he is present” – you believe that the Lord is present. And what's the difference? There are explanations, interpretations, but life is bigger than explanations and interpretations. Always refer back to your baptism – one faith, one baptism, one Lord: this Paul tells us; and then consequences come later.

I would never dare to give permission to do this, because it’s not my own competence. One baptism, one Lord, one faith. Talk to the Lord and then go forward. [Pauses] And I wouldn't dare – I don’t dare say anything more.” http://whispersintheloggia.blogspot.com/2015/11/life-is-bigger-than-explanations-to.html

 

I’m still left with the puzzle that what Lutherans call “present” and what Catholics call “present” have not been the same, and for many Protestants and those who came later like non-denominational denominations of the last 50 years, there isn’t even a “present,” just a memorial.

Dreams, visions and prophecies

Great sermon today by Gemechis Buba, Mission Director of the North American Lutheran Church, at Mill Run, UALC on dreams, visions and prophecies. He reminded us that the culture is pushing the church to the fringes and we need to regain our vision. He reflected that the great churches of Sweden, Norway, Germany, England and Holland sent missionaries to Africa, but neglected their own countries and their children and grandchildren lost the faith established centuries ago. Pastor Buba, who was raised in Ethiopia, noted that a German missionary had baptized him. Now Africa is sending missionaries to Europe to fill their empty pulpits. I crossed the river to hear him and my husband came over after ushering at our Lytham campus. He has a powerful message; will probably be at ualc.org sermon site by Tuesday.

English services in Whittenberg, Germany

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDO2LlQRnhA

In 2 years (2017) we'll be celebrating the 500th anniversary of the Reformation. The cathedral in Whittenberg, Germany, shown in this video is being renovated for the influx of tourists.  There is an English language ministry here of visiting Lutheran pastors for English speakers and tourists at Whittenberg.  You'll hear some really ragged congregational singing of "A Mighty Fortress," but lots of heart. Pastor this week (earlier this month) is Rev. Ronald Stehl of Red Wing. MN.  "How are you going to get to heaven" was addressed, and even Lutherans in his own congregation got the answer wrong, he says.

Lakeside chaplains are now preachers

It's Lutheran Chautauqua week at Lakeside, and the preacher is Dr. Rick Barger, the president of Trinity Lutheran Seminary in Columbus. I heard him briefly at the dockside worship yesterday and then those who heard his sermon at the Hoover service said he was outstanding. So I plan to go to the 9 a.m. chaplain's hour, now renamed "Faith for Living Hour" since the chaplains have been renamed preachers. He will also lead Vespers at 7:15 p.m. on Tuesday (I think it is still called vespers). He has an engineering background, and believes the church can sponsor construction, water, and sustainability projects, but must never forget the people need Jesus first.

http://www.tlsohio.edu/about-trinity/introduction/barger-rick-bio

The Biblical passages Protestants won’t read literally

I went to Bible Study Thursday  led by Pastor Jeff Morlock of UALC and we were focusing on John 4:1-30, the lesson for this coming Sunday. But I drifted a bit to John 6:25-59, where Jesus explains to his disciples, the people gathered in the synagogue in Capernaum, and to us centuries later the meaning of the phrase and promise that he is the bread of life. I've seen entire books written on one word, such as "rapture," "justify" or phrase "fruit of the spirit," and essays on whether the nativity stories mean young woman or virgin.

But here we have a huge chunk of scripture in Jesus' own words about "eat the flesh and drink his blood," with clear references to the promises to Moses and eternal life. Yet millions and millions of Protestants ignore it and say that "I am," "real," and "whoever," belong to pre-16th century superstitions of the Catholics. Frankly, I don't get it. Lutherans depending on the synod sort of fudge it with "in over around and through" and the Anglicans, I think, acknowledge it, but the rest skip right over it. Protestants seem to be taking for their part of the script, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat?" And Jesus is pretty clear in his explanation. "Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever." To say he's speaking metaphorically or explaining bread in spiritual terms, you have to ignore the several paragraphs where he explains what he means.

Here’s what a Baptist web site says about this passage. The Catholics have 2,000 years of church teaching, tradition and Bible research to back their view.  This is one man/one ministry’s opinion with no scripture provided to support his view/belief that Jesus meant something other than what he said, but the writer is very concerned that Baptists not commune with people who don't believe as his ministry has stated.

"Roman Catholics believe that the bread and wine of the Lord's Supper are changed into the real body and blood of Jesus Christ. To believe this the Savior then took His body and made the disciples eat of it, and literally poured out His blood and told them to "drink ye all of it." If you can believe that you should be a Catholic. Bread cannot be His real body; neither can wine be His real blood, but bread can represent His body and wine can represent His blood. The Lutherans differ least from the Romans in regard to communion, for they maintain that "the body and the blood of Christ are materially present in the sacrament of the Lord's Supper, though in an incomprehensible manner. They call it CON-SUBSTANTIATION. The Catholics call it TRANS-SUBSTANTIATION. Both are incredible."

Dr. Gemechis Buba,, NALC Assistant to the Bishop for Missions

There are more Lutherans in Ethiopia than there are in the largest U.S. synod, ELCA. And we are so fortunate to have one in the North American Lutheran Church, residing and working here in Columbus. This morning he preached at our church, and he left the congregation breathless and excited. Rev. Dr. Gemechis Buba has personally experienced the persecution of the church and that was his topic today, the martyrdom of Stephen (Acts 7). When he was about 3 years old and his baby sister 3 months, his parents were taken from their home by the Communists and imprisoned. Eventually his mother was released, but his father was tortured and brutalized for 6 years. The four threats to Christianity today he told us are, 1) Communism, 2) radical Islam, 3) traditional religions, and 4) liberalism in Europe and the U.S.--some Christians in name only who don't preach the Bible and the traditional beliefs of Christianity. He urged us to be strong and to be a praying church of praying families made up of praying individuals.

Dr. Buba left ELCA where he was the Director of African National Ministries and joined NALC after the ELCA decided to allow active homosexuals in the ordained clergy. ELCA evicted the Immigrant African Churches in the United States (United Oromo Evangelical Churches) from their buildings and expelled them from the synod because of their opposition to that policy.

Dr. Buba preaching in Iowa at a young congregation, Faith Lutheran, 3 years old.

Just wondering

Noticed this comment by the new Bishop of the ELCA, Elizabeth Eaton, who got 600 votes to Mark Hanson’s 287.

“We are a church that is overwhelmingly European in a culture that is increasingly pluralistic,” Eaton told the ELCA Churchwide Assembly in Pittsburgh shortly after the election.

“We need to welcome the gifts of those who come from different places, that is a conversation we need to have as a church.”

Do African American denominations or Korean Baptists or Chinese home groups ever chastise their members for their self selection or culture or language?  Is there anything white Christians won’t complain about?

Lack of pluralism is not the reason ELCA is shedding members. Chasing the culture is.

http://www.religionnews.com/2013/08/14/lutherans-elect-elizabeth-eaton-first-female-presiding-bishop-of-elca/

The only issue that matters

Does your church condone killing babies? How about its insurance plan?  What organizations does it support? And end of life issues, and marriage?  It’s all connected.

Filioque—what separates the Eastern and Western churches

The Roman Catholic catechism has a 2 paragraph footnote in the explanation of the Trinity, (Article 1, Paragraph 2,  243, )which explains the rift between the Eastern and Western churches.

245 The apostolic faith concerning the Spirit was confessed by the second ecumenical council at Constantinople (381): "We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father." By this confession, the Church recognizes the Father as "the source and origin of the whole divinity". But the eternal origin of the Spirit is not unconnected with the Son's origin: "The Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, is God, one and equal with the Father and the Son, of the same substance and also of the same nature... Yet he is not called the Spirit of the Father alone,... but the Spirit of both the Father and the Son." The Creed of the Church from the Council of Constantinople confesses: "With the Father and the Son, he is worshipped and glorified."

246 The Latin tradition of the Creed confesses that the Spirit "proceeds from the Father and the Son (filioque)". The Council of Florence in 1438 explains: "The Holy Spirit is eternally from Father and Son; He has his nature and subsistence at once (simul) from the Father and the Son. He proceeds eternally from both as from one principle and through one spiration. ... And, since the Father has through generation given to the only-begotten Son everything that belongs to the Father, except being Father, the Son has also eternally from the Father, from whom he is eternally born, that the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Son."

247 The affirmation of the filioque does not appear in the Creed confessed in 381 at Constantinople. But Pope St. Leo I, following an ancient Latin and Alexandrian tradition, had already confessed it dogmatically in 447, even before Rome, in 451 at the Council of Chalcedon, came to recognize and receive the Symbol of 381. The use of this formula in the Creed was gradually admitted into the Latin liturgy (between the eighth and eleventh centuries). The introduction of the filioque into the Niceno-Constantinopolitan Creed by the Latin liturgy constitutes moreover, even today, a point of disagreement with the Orthodox Churches.

248 At the outset the Eastern tradition expresses the Father's character as first origin of the Spirit. By confessing the Spirit as he "who proceeds from the Father", it affirms that he comes from the Father through the Son. The Western tradition expresses first the consubstantial communion between Father and Son, by saying that the Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son (filioque). It says this, "legitimately and with good reason", for the eternal order of the divine persons in their consubstantial communion implies that the Father, as "the principle without principle", is the first origin of the Spirit, but also that as Father of the only Son, he is, with the Son, the single principle from which the Holy Spirit proceeds. This legitimate complementarity, provided it does not become rigid, does not affect the identity of faith in the reality of the same mystery confessed.

I hope that’s clear. . . because it split the church forever, and all Protestants (who use the Nicene creed) follow the Western tradition. Even the most devout Christian has difficulty explaining the Trinity, and this makes it even more difficult. If you’re looking for age (tradition), then that would be the Eastern church, but the Magisterium would decide for filioque.

 

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Binding up the old memories

This morning I gathered up the pieces of my 1978 Upper Arlington Lutheran Church photo directory and took them to Staples (thank you, Mitt Romney, for helping that company get a start) along with some “new member inserts” and had it spiral bound with clear acrylic covers.  It had been on a shelf with a huge metal clip.  It cost me less than $3.50, and I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.  Looking through it I see many saints who have gone to their reward, and also many families who are no longer together.  One widow, Mary Brenner, smiled out at me.  We met in 1978 and she died in 2005.  I wrote up a few memories of her after attending her funeral.

http://collectingmythoughts.blogspot.com/2005/03/881-saying-good-bye-to-mary-she-was.html

Don't look for help from certain Lutherans

Today I was chatting with a Catholic lobbyist about the HHS Mandate. I told him I didn't think he'd see much support for the Bishops from the Lutherans. I explained that I checked with Lutheran Social Services about its health insurance for employees, and found out that yes, it does cover abortions in employees' health insurance. He seemed surprised, because many Protestant groups have come forward to support them. The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America--UALC's former synod--and LSS are doing much worse than Obama's mandate! If they step up now, they'll be total hypocrites.

I told the Vice President (of the local LSS) that I would not be contributing to Lutheran Social Services any longer and reminded her that over a third of abortions are for black women.

If the mandate were only about extending contraception coverage, exempting religious institutions would be obvious. But it's more than that. It is about bringing institutions thought to be retrograde to heel, and discrediting their morality. It is kulturkampf disguised as public health.
Read more.

Missouri Synod Lutheran is more Christ-like and Biblical in its response and may remember what happened when the German state socialists (Nazi) took over the church in the 1930s.

Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran statement.

“The Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod clearly understands and teaches that Jesus has directed his followers to ‘give to Caesar what is Caesar’s’ (Mark 12:17) and that secular government is used by God for the good of all society. Christian citizens recognize their responsibility to pay taxes, support the government, obey its laws, and pray for its leaders. While it is not normally within the sphere of the church to become involved in secular politics, we do recognize that individual Christians have a responsibility to exercise their rights as citizens, to express their beliefs, and to encourage the government to act in the best interest of society.

“Therefore, we encourage all of our members, as Christian citizens, to express their convictions boldly and to urge the government to be faithful in carrying out its primary responsibility to protect and preserve life. We also encourage our members, as many others in various denominations and church bodies have done, to recognize and speak out against this clear threat to the blessing of religious liberty American citizens have enjoyed since the founding of the nation.

“We also confess and affirm that if the government directs us to do something in clear violation of the will of God, ‘we must obey God rather than men’ (Acts 5:29).”

Lutherans and the sign of the cross

Eastern Christians and Western Christians make the sign of the cross differently, but this Lutheran pastor says it doesn't make any difference. Just don't think it's only for Catholics; it's to remember your baptism.