How do you find the time, Part 2

These are tips on how to be a good non-grandparent. I'm a little new at this, so if you don't have grandchildren, perhaps you have more ideas. I always thought I'd be one.

1. Find some friends in the same boat. These people might be available for movies and dinner out. We find grandparents have a very tough time scheduling because they are always on call. If dinner is at 7 p.m., they'll call at 6:55 with an emergency and you're already at the restaurant.

2. Find some new friends whose grandchildren are grown and live out of town. They still might not be around on holidays, because even college age grandchildren sometimes drop in for a day or two for 3 hots and a cot. However, these days even gramps might be checking the e-mail and texting his grandson. Be patient. You'd be doing the same if it were you. There's a corollary: if you meet someone who moved to your town to be near their grandchildren, it might be best to just pencil them in. If they made that kind of effort to be near the grandchildren, they aren't looking for a social life.

3. Meet grandparents your age somewhere neutral. We recently tried this with my sister-in-law and husband. We had to drive 100 miles to a Bob Evans, but we had an uninterrupted meal and a good time. We did get to talk to our nieces via the cell phone who found us at the restaurant. And no clean up!

4. Always ask about the grandchildren and admire the photographs. This works best, for some reason, right after "Hello, it's great to see you." These are the days of digital cameras and even the cell phones are loaded either with stills or video. Grannies are getting very good with this technology. It's a whole lot more interesting than the back surgery, arthritis or golf game.

5. We contribute money to causes that will save lives of children. We're the stand-in grandparents who didn't insist on aborting, but who think shacking up is a dumb idea for the long term solution. And say so. We know that you can't overcome poverty, AIDS, poor reading skills or autism by killing the children before you know what the outcome will be. Besides, haven't you noticed how many middle class children are now afflicted with the very problems we used to think only other people had?

Energy bandits and energy boosters

When I first glanced through Laura Stack's "The Exhaustion Cure" on the new book shelf at UAPL, I thought it was just another exercise book, then I read a few items, and thought it was just common sense writ large, but now that I've taken a closer look (it sat on a chair for a few days), I see she's a gal after my own heart--she's just fascinated with how we all use our time. She's made it her career; I never wanted to be that busy.

Now, I never allow myself to get as busy as some of the folks she writes to and about, but I've often observed here and in my real life, that all the verbs we use with time we use with money--we spend it, save it, invest it, squander it and cherish it. And because I'm retired and have virtually complete control over my time, I'm a millionaire--or because of inflation, a billionaire. That's not to say I haven't made some poor investments in the past 8 years. Next to religion, politics, or sports, almost nothing will start an argument quicker than a reference to how I use my time. If I mention that I'm not busy, either people look at me like I arrived from another planet, or that I've just said something against the American flag.

I really like the "energy bandits" concept--a pithy description of the time waster, routine or person who's sapping the life out of you. It's fairly easy for me to avoid those people who just drain all the joy from life, but I remember, I remember. However, she has some excellent things to say about computer use that can benefit how I use my time. She also has a blog that I think I'll add to my links.

If you've ever participated in a 12-step program for alcoholism, co-dependency, weight loss, etc. you'll recognize most of the points in Chapten Ten on Attitude--specifically "Stinking thinking." Stop negative thoughts in their tracks; stop worrying; the damage done by anger; dealing with emotions. Good stuff. Good reminders.

Why is she always late? Monday Memories

It's Monday--the schedule shows lots of meetings. You're tapping your fingers watching the second hand of the clock, wishing the chair would get this show on the road. But they're waiting for the late comers. Why is that? I answered this puzzling question here.

Monday Memories

The B Word

"How often do we hear and use the B word? We're really busy. Can you think of the last time you asked a friend how she was doing and she said, 'Great. Things are really moving slowly. . .' " p. 20

Yes, if you had asked me, that might not have been my exact phrase, but yesterday when I told a woman sitting next to me in Bible Study, who whispered she'd been too busy to complete the lesson, that I'm never busy, you would have thought I'd said, "I have leprosy." It truly is almost a sin on the level of adultery a large carbon footprint to admit you don't like to feel "busy" or rushed or frantic so you plan accordingly. Living that way--frantic and busy--is the adrenalin rush, the home-grown, safe and legal drug for millions of Americans. But not me.

Usually, I wouldn't choose to read the book I'm reviewing, "One month to live; 30 days to a no-regrets life," but someone noticed my blog and made me an offer I couldn't refuse--a book to write about. I wasn't busy, so after some negotiation, I said Yes. More to come.