How do you find the time, Part 2

These are tips on how to be a good non-grandparent. I'm a little new at this, so if you don't have grandchildren, perhaps you have more ideas. I always thought I'd be one.

1. Find some friends in the same boat. These people might be available for movies and dinner out. We find grandparents have a very tough time scheduling because they are always on call. If dinner is at 7 p.m., they'll call at 6:55 with an emergency and you're already at the restaurant.

2. Find some new friends whose grandchildren are grown and live out of town. They still might not be around on holidays, because even college age grandchildren sometimes drop in for a day or two for 3 hots and a cot. However, these days even gramps might be checking the e-mail and texting his grandson. Be patient. You'd be doing the same if it were you. There's a corollary: if you meet someone who moved to your town to be near their grandchildren, it might be best to just pencil them in. If they made that kind of effort to be near the grandchildren, they aren't looking for a social life.

3. Meet grandparents your age somewhere neutral. We recently tried this with my sister-in-law and husband. We had to drive 100 miles to a Bob Evans, but we had an uninterrupted meal and a good time. We did get to talk to our nieces via the cell phone who found us at the restaurant. And no clean up!

4. Always ask about the grandchildren and admire the photographs. This works best, for some reason, right after "Hello, it's great to see you." These are the days of digital cameras and even the cell phones are loaded either with stills or video. Grannies are getting very good with this technology. It's a whole lot more interesting than the back surgery, arthritis or golf game.

5. We contribute money to causes that will save lives of children. We're the stand-in grandparents who didn't insist on aborting, but who think shacking up is a dumb idea for the long term solution. And say so. We know that you can't overcome poverty, AIDS, poor reading skills or autism by killing the children before you know what the outcome will be. Besides, haven't you noticed how many middle class children are now afflicted with the very problems we used to think only other people had?