1254 Should politics interfer with a relationship?

She writes: "We've gotten into shouting matches about Supreme Court decisions, gun control, abortion, etc. He's also hyper-rational, and I am more emotional."

I can tell by her description--playing up his "flaw" of knowing what and why he believes, and downplaying her loosely formed passionate attachment to her own beliefs--that he is a Republican and she is a Democrat. She never reveals this in her question, "can this relationship survive our politics."

Annie, the columnist, misses the boat on this one. She counsels: "Politics should never be more important than your relationship." Annie ignores that their differences are also embedded in their personalities. Notice how the writer describes playfully her own weakness ("more emotional"), but stresses his ("hyper rational"). Call me over analytical, but the word "more" is not as loaded as "hyper."

The writer describes her lover as smart, funny and easy going, which means if they marry she can probably look forward to a dogged, nit-picker who wants her to meet his standards in everything from housework to automobile-buying and a nasty wit that will turn on her in front of his friends for her less-than-perfect analysis of today's news. And instead of finding her sweet, adorable and simple in her whimsical thoughts, he'll discover that she lacks the ability to think through the erratic way she disciplines the children or to arrive anywhere on time. All the things that attract you to the "opposite" are the qualities that drive you crazy 10 years down the road when her waist has expanded and his hair has thinned.

Also, the writer wonders if counseling would help--she doesn't say they have an intellectual divide, just an emotional one. See? She doesn't get it! He says he respects her intellect, but not ALL her opinions. Maybe she should try respecting his intellect, and SOME of his opinions.

That'll be $200 please. Now go home and give him a big, emotional smooch.