3435 Does Charity really begin at home?

Two recent issues of Kiplinger's used this phrase to mean teaching children to be charitable, so that's what I'll address, although I always thought it meant giving close to home.

In my experience, demonstrating or teaching charity doesn't necessarily mean the lesson is understood or acted upon. I think it depends on whether the person (the grown up child of charitable parents) is active in a community of faith--a church, synagogue or mosque. Based on what I've observed in our family, a real mixed bag of church membership and attendance, and recent research, generosity and charity are tied closely to faith, not what you learned as a child.

Between us, my husband and I have six siblings, two adult children, and fourteen nieces and nephews. We had six parents (his were divorced and remarried), and I knew four of my grandparents and two great grandparents, and he knew three of his grandparents (his grandfather was widowed quite young). So that's my tiny sample which ranges from 7th to 10th generation American.

I knew my paternal great-grandparents (d. 1949 and 1963), but know little about their finances except that they lived modestly and were generous with their grandchildren. Great-grandma Leanor not only slipped candy to us, but gave my father a downpayment to buy his first house in the late-1930s. My great-grandfather (mother's side) was a very generous donor--he gave money to build the Wichita Church of the Brethren in the early 20th century, but lived in Illinois, and contibuted real estate in Chicago to the church to build a hospital. My husband's maternal grandparents and my maternal grandparents were very strong, active church members, his were Presbyterians and mine Church of the Brethren. They were also generous donors to the church and to various causes, and helped out family members, too.

My husband's parents (both couples) were wonderful people, but neither continued with the Presbyterian tradition, or any church involvement after childhood. If they ever donated to anything, it would have been something like Cancer Society, Lung Association or a buck for someone walking the neighborhood for March of Dimes. They didn't take their children to church, but my husband's grandparents took over. My parents remained active in the Church of the Brethren, and baptized and raised their children in that denomination. I don't know what went on later in their life, but when I was a young adult, I know they were giving about 15% of their income. My father scared us in his mid-80s when he decided to gather up donations and take them in his van (driving alone) to an Indian reservation in the Dakotas. My parents cancelled each others' votes at the polls, but were both very generous with church, community organizations and family members.

My husband and I have tithed our gross income for over 30 years, but we gave very little to anything when we weren't members. I think three of our six siblings are also active in churches and generously contribute--we're all there for worship weekly and participate in various ministries. Then we have two siblings who might be in a church for a baptism, funeral or wedding, but don't attend or give. They are more than generous with immediate family, however. One sib is missing in action, and we haven't seen him in years; it's my thought if he can't make it to a family dinner or answer his phone, he's probably not going to church either.

Moving on down the family tree, our own two children don't attend church and don't contribute to a church, and probably donate very little to any community organization. Of our 14 nieces and nephews I think 4 are active members in a church, and although I've never asked, I'm guessing they all are more generous than the ones who don't have a church home. Two of them (children of the MIA sib) have spiraled downward into low income jobs, out of wedlock babies and government assistance. Their own parents (divorced) had no involvement in church as children or as adults, and when this niece and nephew did attend church, it was with their aunts and uncles, because their grandparents also didn't attend.

Randy Alcorn says ". . . fifteen percent of everything Jesus said related to money and possessions. He spoke about money and possessions more than heaven and hell combined. The only subject Jesus spoke of more often is the Kingdom of God. Why? Because the Scriptures make clear there is a fundamental connection between a person's spiritual life and his attitudes and actions concerning money and possessions."

You can take a child to church, but you can't give him your faith. And charitable behavior stems from the faith. If it has worked out differently in your family, God bless 'em. It won't get anyone into heaven, but it will help some organization's bottom line.