Bullying

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear something on the news about bullying. Today it was on Catholic radio and concerned bullying with social media. Here’s an article by a pediatrician, and absolutely nothing in her explanation looks familiar to me, not from my childhood in the 40-50s, or my children in the 70-80s. Bullies are not born. If I was bullied as a child, I must have laughed it off or I gave it back as good as I got, but I do remember some other kids who were bullied, and my perception as a child was that they were objects of scorn because they were different (height, weight, grades, income, teeth, skin, etc.) and not because the person who teased (that’s what we called it then) had psychological or emotional shortcomings.

Now, popularity cliques (ingroup, inner circle, pack) at least among girls were a different matter. By high school, all the mixing and matching we did in 4-H, Girl Scouts and junior choir, camp, and church group was set aside when it came to parties and Friday night get togethers. Also, I dated a lot in high school, so I didn't even go to all the parties, or after game events with my "clique," but I did make it to the birthday events. Maybe I would have been bullied if I'd showed up?

My experience, and that of my children, was that "exclusion" was a bigger hurt than bullying. You could be tall, athletic, good looking and get away with a lot in my children's schools and circles, but if you weren't an outstanding student, then you could easily be excluded by the "in-crowd." Over the years I've talked to other parents who had children in the Upper Arlington school system and I know that their kids were "excluded" from some social circles, but excelled in other areas. They might be homely and awkward, but in the band or orchestra they could excel; or they could have low grades but be outstanding in baseball or track; theater and drama clubs, or singing, saved the self esteem of many. That doesn't mean the top soprano might not make fun of the kid who couldn't carry a tune, or high hurdles guy wouldn't tease the boy with a limp.

But psychological or emotional problems from the taunter? Not sure about that one, Dr. Arca. What do you think?

8th grade, 1953 class trip, Chicago