Baby snacks

I decided I needed a pot of flowers to last at least 2 weeks for a spot of color--we got a hanging pot from a school sale last summer that lasted several months. But enough about my brown thumb. While I was browsing at Marc's grocery, a mommy with a 6 month old ( I'm guessing) in the cart was also looking. Just the cutest and smiling with 2 teeth so I smiled back. I wondered if I should tell mommy that her sweety was eating the flowers while she was distracted. I didn't. Some mom's just don't want advice, and others don't care about herbicides and bugs.

AOC filled a vacuum

Tucker Carlson made an interesting observation last night (don't know if it is original with him). For 2 years the Democrats have done nothing but scream impeach and jail the President, leaving a large hole where policy and plans ought to be. Alexandria Cortez jumped in with the "New Green Mess" to fill the vacuum and is dragging her party further to the left and candidates are scrambling to outdo her to get back control. From her posh DC kitchen (in a complex with no set-asides for poor and middle class) she released a video suggesting her generation stop having babies. It's just not fair (to Mother Earth?). Of course, the U.S. birth rate is already below replacement level. That's why we import illegals--so they can have babies who will grow up and support the social safety net, which is up 60% since the beginning of this century.

The baby she suggests you not conceive or abort, just might be the next scientist or politician who solves the climate mystery of why the climate has been changing for millions of years. He or she might be able to avoid the next ice age.

The blog about a miracle baby

Nick wrote this in July 2016, and I just took a look at this adorable baby’s photo at his FB page.

“Here's the real story, in case you've heard. For the last nine months, my wife, Brooklyn has been pregnant with a very sick baby boy. Three or four months ago, we learned that the baby had severe hydrocephalus. Back in the old days, hydrocephalus was called, "water on the brain"....too much brain fluid. Ultimately, we were referred to the Cincinnati Children's Hospital, where we were told, by several of the most highly regarded fetal specialists in the country, that his condition was dire. The baby's condition was "off the charts bad". It was so extreme, that the specialists stopped measuring and monitoring his brain's fluid level because, at that point, it didn't really matter. The MRI's were sickening to look at. We were told, pointblank, that there was over a 90% chance that the baby would either die shortly after birth or have such severe cognitive impairments that any quality of life would be hard to imagine. We had a meeting with palliative care regarding the use of life sustaining measures, and had detailed, awful, and emotional discussions about the ethics of when we might need to remove or cease such measures - which would result in the baby "passing away peacefully".

Brooklyn relocated to Cincinnati and lived in a hotel close to the hospital - in case she went into labor. I commuted back and forth, while trying to work and take care of Sophie and Lily at home. On July 8th Brooklyn did, indeed, go into labor. Literally, 15 minutes before they wheeled her back to start the C-section, we had another meeting with doctors regarding the use of a breathing tube and at what point we might need to remove that tube and let the baby go to heaven. Guess what?. .the baby came out crying - which was the sweetest sound I have ever heard.

In a nutshell, Charlie Edward Schnarr, stayed in infant intensive care until yesterday - when we all came home. He's seems to be a normal, beautiful baby doing all the things that babies do. He has mild ventricular enlargement, but we can deal with that with checkups. How did this happen??... The doctors said, "we do not have and cannot come up with a medical explanation for what we've witnessed here". Some how, his brain found a way to naturally "clear" the blockage or re-route the fluid that was causing the oppressive "back-up" of brain fluid. During the last week, I heard the word "divine intervention" and "miracle" more times than I could count. Nurses with decades of experience, and esteemed, nationally admired doctors were flabbergasted but jubilant. Because of the "domino effect" of friends, family, clients, colleagues and even strangers praying and asking others to pray for us, I do not doubt that there were thousands of people praying for us.

I'm a practical person that certainly believes in science and medical technology, but I absolutely know, from the bottom of my heart, that God was involved in this. I give ALL of the credit and glory to him. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, notes of encouragement, cards, texts, emails, and outpouring of love. Prayer is positively powerful. God is real, and he still performs miracles.

God bless,
-Nick Schnarr (from Facebook post)”

Dogs and babies at Lakeside

I usually stop to admire dogs and babies when I'm on my walks. Today a man about 18" taller than me was rocking a cranky baby in a buggy. I stopped to peek and admire a little one who'd about outgrown the space.
Me: How old is he?
He: 10 weeks.
Me: Wow. He's big.
He: Weighed 8.5 lbs. at birth. But I was 9.
Me: I was 9.5.
He: Yeah, but I was a twin.

White matter in baby brains and grey matter in mommy brains

A new study led by UNC School of Medicine researchers concluded that patterns of white matter microstructure present at birth and that develop after birth predict the cognitive function of children at ages 1 and 2.

"To our knowledge, this study is the first to measure and describe the development of white matter microstructure in children and its relationship to cognitive development from the time they are born until the age of 2 years," said John H. Gilmore, MD, senior author of the study and director of the Early Brain Development Program in the UNC Department of Psychiatry
.
The study was published online on December 19, 2016 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

White matter is the tissue in the brain that contains axon fibers, which connect neurons in one brain region to neurons in another region. White matter is critical for normal brain function, and little is known about how white matter develops in humans or how it is related to growth of cognitive skills in early childhood, including language development. In the study, a total of 685 children received diffusion tensor imaging (DTI) scans of their brains. DTI is a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) technique that provides a description of the diffusion of water through tissue, and can be used to identify white matter tracts in the brain and describe the organization and maturation of the tracts."  https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/12/161219200955.htm

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"Pregnancy causes "long-lasting" physical changes to a woman's brain, with significant, but seemingly beneficial, grey matter loss in parts of the crucial organ, a study said today. Some alterations lasted at least two years, they reported but did not appear to erode memory or other mental processes." http://www.deccanchronicle.com/lifestyle/health-and-wellbeing/201216/pregnancy-causes-change-in-womans-brain-study.html

 Hmm.  I remember "baby brain" and I'm not so sure it doesn't affect mental processes.  Article appears in Nature Neuroscience 20,287–296(2017), and primary authors appear to be women--probably mothers.

Babies are a miracle not a mistake

http://blogs.cbn.com/thebrodyfile/archive/2008/03/31/obama-says-he-doesnt-want-his-daughters-punished-with-a.aspx?mobile=false   This article clarifies what President Obama said during the 2008 campaign.

Theology of pronouns

If you care about babies (and grammar) you might enjoy this piece by a missionary in Zambia. The Singletons were formerly with the Mt. Morris, IL Evan Free church and are now missionaries in Zambia.

"I had noticed that Zambians have difficulty with pronouns~they will sometimes refer to males as “shes” and females as “hes.” And, I’d observed that babies and children are referred to as “its” and called a “he” or “she” when the child is older. My short answer? A child is never an “it.” This important grammar question also afforded me an opportunity to mount my soap box and share a lengthier viewpoint."

If you've done much genealogy, you see a hint of this not too far back in our history--many babies didn't survive, so it might be some time before they were named.  Also, younger children were often given the same name as one who died.  And in our modern age, a baby is a fetus or a clump of cells.  An it.

The Singleton Story

Cloth diapers vs. disposable

I hadn’t looked at figures like this since the 1970s when we were told diaper services were cheaper than home washed cloth diapers, but noticed it today in a story about a woman who got a $.25 minimum wage increase and now she could afford more disposable diapers for her grandchild.  I hope she doesn’t have any government benefits she’s counting on like Obamacare, because that pay increase could really mess her up in claw back or fines if she skip it.

My first reaction was she should buy cloth diapers, but then I looked it up.  It’s pretty much a wash (no pun)—the more children you have using that original investment, the lower the cost per diaper change, but that’s about it.  Also learned a bit reading the comments.

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/cloth-diapering-a-real-world-analysis/

“If we assume 2240 diaper changes in Year 1, and lets assume that there will be fewer diaper changes in Year 2 (we’ll say on average 5 changes per day – 1825/year) then we would say that over the course of Year 1 and Year 2, there will be 4,065 diaper changes. That gives us a cost of$.28 per diaper change. . .

Total cost to use disposable diapers for 2 years – $1354.25
Assuming 4,065 diaper changes over the course of 2 years, that gives us a cost of $.33 per diaper change.”

Who is this?

This is an early photo (yesterday) of a baby, the son and 4th child of mother, Sarah, whom we’ve known since she was 14.  The family is thrilled, as are grandma and grandpa.  But even if Sarah didn’t want him, even if his brother and sisters were not excited, even if grandma and grandpa said, “Oh, not again,” he would still be a baby and Sarah would still be a mother.  Separate and equal in God’s sight and love.

Jamie Ogg—miracle baby

The doctor said the premature baby boy (27 weeks and a twin) was dead, and he was placed on his mother’s chest so she and her husband could say their good-byes.  After two hours with his mom and dad, and the doctor insisting that his movements and gasping for air were “reflexes,” he was finally pronounced alive. He’s now about three years old.

A few health tips

We've had a bedbug scare in Columbus. I think 2 were found in a school and they sent notes home, closed it and sprayed. Bedbugs don't kill or even spread disease. But sometimes treatment is lethal. Like that NC woman who had renal failure, diabetes, hypertension and depression and was taking 10 medications when she and the hubby decided to treat the home for bedbugs with 9 cans of an insecticide NOT for bedbugs, and 9 cans improperly used. Then she put it in her hair and applied a bedbug and flea insecticide to her arms and sores on her chest. She died 9 days later in the hospital. I just don't think bedbugs were her biggest problem. JAMA, Nov. 9, 2011

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I don’t put anything in my mouth or on my skin that isn’t a product of the USA or a territory, or Canada. For olives I make an exception--Spain or Italy. We pay a lot for USDA and HHS, so I want that protection. Imagine my surprise today when I picked up a 4 oz. Johnson’s baby powder and it was product of Indonesia! I looked at the large bottle, and it only had “distributed by” and nothing about country of origin. Hey! Baby powder is basically corn starch. Are you telling me there is not enough corn in the USA (even with turning it into fuel to be “green”) for baby powder? My empty container says “Made in USA.” READ ALL LABELS.

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‎97.6% of the pregnant women who go to Planned Parenthood for help are sold an abortion. In 2009 332,278 surgical abortions or RU 486 were delivered, or 27.6% of all abortions in the U.S. (1.2 million). Defund Planned Parenthood--they lie about their services for pregnant women. PP is a killing machine using our tax dollars. Planned Parenthood 2009 Annual Report

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'Glee' has a harmful and inaccurate adoption story line

Unfortunately, some teens believe what they see on TV--actually, many adults do too. You don't get a "do-over" with an adoption. There might be problems with laws, lawyers, and birth parents or adoptive parents changing their minds later, but you don't get to yank the baby back from the "real parents," the ones who have legally adopted her.

State laws vary, but most don't allow a birth mother to change her mind after she has signed adoption papers, according to a 2006 study by the non-profit Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. States with a revocation period often limit it to 30 days or fewer.

"For adopted children, the show raises the fear that they may be taken away from their adopted families," says Austin's petition, posted on Change.org, a website promoting petitions and social action. "And for young women facing unplanned pregnancies, many of whom are in Glee's target demographic, the show gives the inaccurate impression that adoption is a temporary solution, not a permanent one."

Fox's 'Glee' has 'harmful' adoption story, petition says - USATODAY.com
There's already enough misinformation out there about babies and single moms. Young mothers of the Glee demographic need to know that the baby will be an adult many years longer than the cutsy first two years.

The comments in this article are telling. The range from "grow up--it's a TV show" to disbelieving that anyone could take the show seriously. Boy, are they clueless!

Snapshot of a Culture of Death

Dr. Kermit Gosnell, who made millions as an abortionist, “induced labor, forced the live birth of viable babies in the sixth, seventh, eighth month of pregnancy and then killed those babies by cutting into the back of the neck with scissors and severing their spinal cord.” Nine employees were also charged. He kept body parts in jars for no apparent reason.

Snapshot of a Culture of Death - By Kathryn Jean Lopez - The Corner - National Review Online

Yes, that sounds gross, but it's not far removed from a case here in Columbus where a father killed his 3 month old by dragging him on the street after he'd abused him. There's only 4 months difference between an 8th month fetus and a 3 month old baby. One is called abortion, the other murder. Both babies were helpless without adult protection. Neither can survive on his own.

Reading Hemingway

There was a dad sitting in a lounge chair at Panera's this morning reading Hemingway to his son. The son was about 9 months old and teething. Seemed to work. He took his daddy's finger out of his mouth long enough to give me a big smile.

Friday family photo--the baptism

Why do people bring tiny babies to the coffee shop--especially with it being flu season? Maybe it wasn't the same baby I wrote about at my coffee blog on Nov. 20. The mother said it was 30 days old, and the one I saw two weeks ago was 24 days. Anyway, too tiny to be out and about.

Yesterday packing away some things I came across my son's immunization and well-baby pediatric booklet from Dr. Batterson. I think at first it was once a month, then every 6 months, then once a year. They do grow up, and I do mean up (over 6'), very fast. I doubt that I took him anywhere except to the doctor when he was an infant. Might have had a few people stop by the house to admire him, but I didn't have a car, so we probably stayed home until it was stroller weather in April and May. We put a lot of miles on that red plaid stroller with a rumble seat.


As I noted before, because I was raised in a tradition (back to the 18th century) that didn't baptize babies (Church of the Brethren), we had no sweet little outfits to pass around at baptism time, so this little double breasted suit was practical. I can tell from his position he's trying to squirm out of my arms and get down on the drive-way to crawl.

Just 24 days

Things have changed since my first child was born in 1961. The thought then was that they needed some time to build up immunity before meeting the world and its bacteria, viruses and contaminants. When I was on my way out of the coffee shop this morning I stopped at a table and asked, "How old is your little one?" "Three and a half weeks," she said. So I looked it up at several web sites thinking perhaps there was new advice. Doesn't seem to be.

"Immediately after birth, the newborn has high levels of the mother's antibodies in the bloodstream. Babies who are breastfed continue to receive antibodies via breast milk. Breast milk contains all five types of antibodies, including immunoglobulin A (IgA), immunoglobulin D (IgD), immunoglobulin E (IgE), IgG, and immunoglobulin M (IgM). This is called passive immunity because the mother is "passing" her antibodies to her child. This helps prevent the baby from developing diseases and infections.

During the next several months, the antibodies passed from the mother to the infant steadily decrease. When healthy babies are about two to three months old, the immune system will start producing its own antibodies. During this time, the baby will experience the body's natural low point of antibodies in the bloodstream. This is because the maternal antibodies have decreased, and young children, who are making antibodies for the first time, produce them at a much slower rate than adults.
Once healthy babies reach six months of age, their antibodies are produced at a normal rate."

Add to that it is flu season; our government is hyping a pandemic; the mother might not be breastfeeding; the table where I sit always needs to be wiped down before I use it; it was noisy and confusing with strangers' voices (like mine) battering her little ears; she couldn't focus yet so was staring at the brilliant can lights above.

Maybe someday someone will investigate the increase in allergies and autism in today's children (peanut butter, gluten, pets, etc.) over those of 40 years ago and find out if they inhaled things in the built environment before their bodies were ready for the insult to their delicate systems.

Friday Family Photo--the cost of having a baby

An article in the WSJ health section really caught my attention--Anna writing about the cost of her newborn--$36,625. I dug around in my file for the medical costs of our oldest son's birth in 1961 (see photo), but could find every tax return except 1961, which means I've looked at it before and misfiled it. So I looked at 1964, for Patrick, and found the total medical costs for all of 1964 were $459, and it looks like $315 of that was for the clinic, so the doctor's bill was probably included in that. Our hospital insurance was $114, which paid $45 of that bill. However you slice and dice it, I was able to itemize the entire event in about 7 short lines for our taxes even though there were many complications, follow up visits, and I was high risk. I recall that I paid cash at the business office of the Carle with each prenatal visit, and I think the doctor's invoice was folded into the clinic because I had no separate item for him. Anna writes:

Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles provided excellent care and thoughtful treatment during my uncomplicated traditional delivery in December. Then the invoices started coming. The hospital sent one for me, and another for my baby. The doctors billed separately. The total charge for three days: $36,625.

People lucky enough to have good health insurance, including me, don't have to come up with such sums. Insurers typically pay a lower, negotiated price for hospital care, and patients pay a portion of that amount. Even people without insurance often get sharp discounts from list prices on their hospital bills.

She then attempts to decipher that $36,625. She’s on a preferred provider plan and her employers negotiated with the insurance company.

“For hospital and surgery services from these providers, I am on the hook for 15% of Aetna's negotiated price. [She later found out, probably researching this article, that Aetna’s price was about $17,300 (much higher than average) and her percentage was based on that.] I also have a $400 annual deductible. Fortunately, there is a $2,000 cap on how much I might have to spend out of pocket each year for my in-network care. I owed a total of $2,118.90, a sum I arrived at only after adding figures from five separate documents.” [Her son had his own deductible when born.]

She decided to check the itemized invoices, 34 items for her and 14 for the baby, not including doctors' fees. “Those charges I could decipher seemed stunningly high. A "Tray, Anes Epidural" cost $530.29. (After inquiring, I learned this was the tray of sterile equipment used to give me an epidural anesthetic injection.) An "Anes-cat 1-basic Outlying Area" was billed at $2,152.55. (I was told this was the cost of the hospital's resources related to the epidural.) These items were in addition to the separate anesthesiologist's charge of $1,530 for giving the epidural. Even though the pain-killing epidural shot felt priceless during my 20 hours of labor, I was amazed that its total cost could run so high.” Then there was $2,382.92 for her recovery, when there had been no Caesarean section. It turned out the charge was for the 90 minutes in the birthing room after delivery.

In the end, patient reader, there is no way to know what the real cost of this newborn was--and she was told it was a mistake that Cedars didn't give her the estimate she had asked for before the baby was born.

There's also no way to know what 1964 dollars are worth in 2008--there are perhaps 6 different ways to figure it (on-line). But using purchasing power figures (we're buying a baby here), $315 (my costs after insurance payout) in 1964 would buy $2,186 in 2008, or higher than what Anna said were her out of pocket costs of $2,119 at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles.

Insurance, both private and government, is what caused health care costs to sky rocket (keeping in mind she didn't pay anything near $36,625 or even the negotiated cost). Notice Anna's comment on how good her insurance is? Well, her "costs" are high because her insurance company is also paying for those people who don't have insurance--they don't put them on the street to have those babies when they show up in ER--they get the same excellent care Anna does, maybe better, because they don't have to negotiate with anyone!

In the 1960s, we purchased our own hospital insurance--our employers didn't. My own parents had no insurance at all--Dad bought "polio insurance" in 1949 because there was an epidemic (a real one, not like the Swine flu scare), but that's all. My parents paid cash for their babies, and I think Mom had a hospital stay of 10 days to 2 weeks. That had shortened to about 5 days in the early 60s, and now--do you even get to stay 48 hours?

When we have Obamacare, and it is definitely coming, it will be even more costly and more limited and more difficult to find out what it really costs. Just go back to the early 90s scare of Hillary and Magaziner and see what happened to health insurance costs when everyone feared a government take over. That nice epidural Anna was so grateful for (as was I)? I'm guessing that will have to be negotiated or rationed several months in advance, and only politicians' daughters will make the cut (no pun intended).

Home made soup

As soon as I read her blog about pea soup (and said yuk) I went to the kitchen and made a big pot of broccoli soup, one of my favorites. I didn't know e-Bay had blogs, but that's where I found these wonderful tips on making money, instead of spending money, with children. She's primarily a seller, not a blogger (once a month? what's that?)

I didn't breastfeed, or make my own baby food, but in the 1960s-1970s, we lived on one income, with one car, had play groups, washed diapers and did most of the other tips that this one-income family does. Snacks at our house were sliced vegetables or fruit. Oh, and we didn't have e-Bay in those days, but we had lots of fun at garage sales, which must be falling on hard times these days with everyone selling on-line. I could give the kids a quarter and they could "shop."

I think I saw her name at a discussion on coupons (I don't believe in them--in the long run they don't save you money because they are a marketing device and lull you into the something for nothing mentality).

The IRS gives wonderful tax incentives to those who have children. We got a child tax credit of $1000 this year, plus a tax deduction worth a fair amount of money by having an extra person in the family. For my family, if we can spend less than $1500 per year on our child, we are making money. Here's how to spend less than $1500. [Note: the family of the 1960s and 1970s got a much higher percentage of income personal deduction. I think it was around $500 per person in 1961 or about 10% of our income.]

1. Breastfeed.

2. Line dry cloth diapers and reusable baby wipes (cheap dishrags or cut-up old towels make great wipes). If you think you might like to use cloth diapers, think ahead. This summer, when you go to garage sales, ask proprietors of sales that have a lot of baby items if they have cloth diapers. Many people have at least a couple that they thought weren't worth putting out. These can be gotten for $.05-$.25 each, and are usually better quality than the Gerber 12-packs regular stores sell (for about $13). Plan on at least 30 diapers. Also, read prior post about how to save on costs of laundry, because this will be important to you if you use cloth diapers.

3. Never, ever buy prepared baby food. We have a pressure cooker in which we cooked veggies or fruit (just add a tiny bit of water to the bottom, and cook for a little while, and they'll be steamed). Run the stuff through the blender and put in freezer containers (or an ice cube tray, then bag the frozen food cubes). It's not difficult at all. If you don't have a pressure cooker, just use a regular pan; however, pressure cookers can be found at garage sales, and they save energy because stuff cooks a lot faster in them. Also, we found that our son would eat anything, even pureed asparagus, if we added applesauce to it.

4. Don't buy snacks, except Cheerios. Those Gerber snacks are overpriced, even with a good sale. A large box of Cheerios doesn't cost much, and they'll last a while; moreover, they are not yummy enough that parents or siblings will be tempted by them.

5. Skip preschool. Sure, kids need some socialization. Join a church mom's group which has kids activities (Coffee Break, MOPS, etc). If you can find a group or two that meets weekly, your kid will get socialization, and you might find some new friends, too. This could save $1000/year.

6. Quit your job if someone else in your family has an income, and save money on child care. To do this, you'll need to find other ways to save money. For wonderful ideas, read "The Tightwad Gazette", by Amy Dacyczyn (available at the library). Creative ways of hanging onto the money you already do have are as good as earning more.

7. Use the library instead of buying books.

8. Use the playground instead of Chuck E. Cheese.

9. Don't buy unnecessary things (such as shoes for babies who aren't walking yet, cute little impractical outfits, etc.).

10. Anticipate baby's needs. You know he'll eventually need size 10 shoes, so don't wait to buy them until he grows out of his size 9.5's. If you wait, you'll find yourself at Wal-mart paying $6, when a $.50 used pair would be far better quality. You know he'll eventually like to have Legos, so don't wait until Christmas to buy them new. Pick them up at the garage sale where they're $1. Kids don't care if stuff is used unless you condition them to care. (You condition them to care by acting like new stuff is superior. Ever say, "It's brand new!"? Phrases like that condition them to think of used items as inferior.)

11. Hit the end of church or school 2nd Best sales. Often they'll have a bag sale, where you can fill a bag with anything you want for $1-$4. This is your opportunity to stock up on whatever you need. If you need it right away, don't be too picky, but if it's something you'll need two years from now, only take the really good or hard-to-find stuff. These sales usually occur in the spring and fall, so watch the newspaper classifieds or Craigslist.

11. When we acquire something, we make it our goal to be able to sell the item for a profit when we're done with it. For instance, we found a very nice stroller free on trash day which we used for a few years, then sold it for $12 when we were finished with it. We bought a newer, but dirty, baby carrier for $.50, cleaned it up nicely and laundered the pad, and were able to sell it for $5 when we were done with it. We trash-picked a crib, gave it a paint-job, and sold it for $40 when we were finished with it. We have routinely sold toys, and even clothes, for a profit at our garage sales. I know there are those who say you shouldn't buy a used car seat, but talk to the person you're buying it from to see if it's been in an accident, call the manufacturer to see if it's been recalled, see if it's not too old, and use your common sense. And with cribs, you have to make sure a used one meets current safety standards. That information is easy enough to find online. But generally, used things should do just fine. I'll write an email in the spring about how to hold a successful garage sale.

12. Have patience. If we feel like we need something for our child, we try to wait. Needs have a way of either going away, or being met cheaply if only one has sufficient patience. Go to those garage sales (but stay on task, don't buy a bunch of junk that will just sit around your house), see if anyone will loan you what you need, keep yours eyes open for discards on trash day--you'll be surprised at what very nice things you can get free or for pocket change.

13. Because you'll essentially be earning money on this baby, check out savings accounts for kids. Often these are better deals than the adult ones (no fees or minimum balance), and the parents' names can be on the account. Just putting the kid's name on the account helps, even if only the adults use the account.

She has some wonderful tips; but isn't old enough or experienced enough to know this frugality will make no difference at all once her children get a hold of a credit card. And btw, don't ever put your child's savings account under her/his own name and social security number. They'll know more at 25 than 18.

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Artificial or pseudo-twinning in adoption

Every event seems to have its own special day, week or month, and November is National Adoption Month. I was not familiar with the concept of pseudo-twinning, adopting children no more than 8 months apart in age, until I read about Nancy Segal who has done a lot of work on the nurture/nature aspects of twins raised apart. Through her research, I came across an article (from 1997) by Patricia Irwin Johnson who writes to prospective adoptive parents who have been through years of frustration with fertility issues and adoption red tape. It's worth reading the whole article because she knows she's going to be really unpopular, that adoptive parents who have "twinned" will be defensive, and she addresses that first.

The author observes, "The goal of parents who artificially twin babies is the same, no matter how these babies arrive: instant family. It is a logical, understandable goal, born out of great frustration and long term disappointment and pain. But pseudo-twinning is usually not a carefully thought through goal and it comes from self-centered thinking rather than baby-centered thinking. Most of the time it reflects parents’ nearly desperate need to regain control over their family planning and to “get” a child. . . Parents of exceptionally close-in-age babies who protest that they didn’t do this on purpose (and many take this position) are kidding themselves. Adoption doesn’t happen accidentally in the way that birth control fails."

But, knowing that adoptive parents will go ahead any way, she has the following suggestions for those raising babies close in age. Our children are 12 months apart and not the same sex, so they aren't "twins" in the sense of this research, but I often got the "are they twins?" questions. I nearly crippled my back for life by carrying one on each hip (they weighed almost the same). For years I tried to make every thing "fair," which does nothing but create jealousy and cranky kids.

I think all nine of these are important points, even if you just have children who are close in age but not "twinned." In my opinion, it is definitely easier if close together children are not the same sex, but if at all possible, I would seek out different teachers in the school system. Each of us pops out of the womb already stamped with our personality, skills, intelligence, and physical appearance in place. Don't saddle close together sibs with the teacher's expectations--yours and grandma's are enough of a burden.

"Here are nine practical strategies for parents of very close-in-age siblings who arrived as babies.

1) People are fascinated by multiple births and will expect your family to want to do “twin things” because they think twinning is neat and desirable and because they presume that lumping twins together is “easier” on parents. You will need to go to extra lengths to refuse to allow yourself or anyone else in your children’s lives–daycare providers, teachers, grandparents, etc.–to “treat” your children as twins. Dress them differently, give them individual toys (and rooms, if possible), acknowledge birthdays separately, etc. No matter how close they are in age, treat them not as a twinned pair but as you would treat children born at least a year apart.

2) Become acutely tuned in to your babies’ age-related developmental differences, particularly during their first two years of life when change and growth is rapid, and be individually responsive to these differences. As they grow older, be especially observant of and supportive about your children’s individual interests and talents while at the same time fostering their sibling interactions.

3) Remain aware that in all families parents and others have a natural tendency to “lump” close-in-age children together even when they are not twins. This is more often about accomplishing the tasks of family life as efficiently as possible than about not wanting to see children as individuals. In your family this issue becomes more important than in families whose close-in-age children are genetically related.
The common fascination with multiples also means that you will need to be particularly aware when your children are babies of the need to establish family privacy boundaries concerning who really “needs” detailed information about the unusual beginnings of your family. As your children become older, help them to develop their own scripts about how to respond to the curious.

4) Being artificially twinned is likely to be harder on same-sex siblings than on opposite sex pairs. If your children are the same sex, you’ll need to work even harder not to twin them.

5) If your children are of the same race, the assumption that they are fraternal twins will be even greater than it will be if they are of opposite sexes or racially/ethnically different. On the other hand, close sibs of differing races may draw even more questions from the curious, causing the children to feel awkward and uncomfortably “different.”

6) As your children grow, support their close friendship but discourage what could be their inclination to become “twin entwined” as exclusive friends who are frightened of separation from one another.

7) Give serious consideration to planning from pre-school forward to separate your children in school by more than just different rooms and teachers for the same grade. There are two ways to do this: you may decide to hold one back from the beginning (boys in particular often benefit from starting formal kindergarten at 6 rather than 5) or, if the cognitive development of both children makes it in their individual best interests to start school at the same time, you might consider sending them to separate schools.

8) If there was a birthparent deception involved in one or both of your babies’ arrivals, honor your child and his genetic parents by fixing the lie as soon as possible. Allowing this potential problem to exist unaddressed can and will begin to feel like a sword hanging over parents’ heads. Furthermore, the longer you wait, the more likely your child’s birthparent–and eventually your child himself–will feel betrayed. Consider engaging the help of a professional social worker or other mental health professional with mediation training to assist you in sharing this information with your child’s birthparent and establishing a more honest relationship.

9) Above all, give yourself credit for having had the best of intentions in being so eager to build a family that your children arrived close together. Be the best parent you can be to your individual children. If you acknowledge and address your family’s unique issues, allowing yourselves to reach out for support or help when you need it, your family will do very well!"

Instant Family (1997)