1051 Cold and Creepy--Planning my Funeral

When we married in 1960 we had a huge emotional and financial safety net--between us we had six parents, seven grandparents, and one great-grandmother. Not to mention our own siblings and all the siblings of our parents and grandparents. We brought to our marriage about $200, some wedding gifts I'm still using, an old Buick that stalled at every intersection, two incomplete college educations, and a lot of youthful naivete. I know we didn’t appreciate the wealth in that bank of knowledge and support--I mean, no one is smart in their early 20s, right? I remember an uncle helping me with the income tax property depreciation in 1962, and my dad explaining mutual funds to me in 1990. My mother’s wise counsel went far beyond finances to religion, marriage, parenting, gardening, cooking, sewing, reading and friendships. One of my aunts never failed to appear with a cheery hello and her bubbly personality when we visited my parents, making us feel special even in our mid-50s. Now they have all “gone to their reward,” “passed on” or are “in the arms of Jesus.” (see my poem “Dying for a Verb). I will always miss my grandmother who died when I was 43.

During the grief of losing each parent (only one was sudden and unexpected), we’d vow to pre-plan (called pre-need in the funeral business) so that cost would be covered and our children or surviving spouse wouldn’t get drawn into bad decisions at a difficult time. Now it is just us, so yesterday we met with a person (salesman? director? planner?) at a local funeral home.

After all the paper shuffling, throat clearing, chit-chat and carefully chosen words, we went back into the room with all the overpriced paper goods and the array of caskets. It was very cold and dark in there. Frankly, I don’t think I need to buy a Kincaid register book for $110, or a $50 box of thank you cards. But if you think you’ll save money by ordering your casket from somewhere else and using it for storage until you need it, think again. We discovered the casket is a very small expense, at least the style I selected, a tasteful olive tone in 20 gauge steel for $1795. Even the Monticello Oak, which was very handsome and simple and my husband’s first choice was under $3,000. The ballooning costs are in the vault (ground or mausoleum), the transportation, and opening and closing the grave.

It’s a good thing we had this little chat, because we definitely discovered we had very different tastes in funerals! (We’ve always had trouble agreeing on furniture and décor, so I suppose I’m not surprised.) It reminds me a bit of planning my daughter’s wedding in 1993. I started with a how-to-book and a dollar figure, and she took it from there. My husband’s plan came to about $13,000 and mine was under $5,000. And yes, you can pre-pay, but it is actually an insurance plan, and it only looks good if you pay at the beginning, because if you pay over 10 years, it doubles the cost and probably eats up any savings. We brought all the worksheets home, and we’ll have to hammer out a few more details, but here’s a break down of their charges (not necessarily what we chose):

Basic services and overhead $1,245
Embalming $ 595
Body prep $ 260
Facilities for viewing $ 425
Ceremony at funeral home $ 495
Memorial service at funeral home $ 325
Ceremony at another funeral home $ 495
Ceremony at any other facility $ 495
Memorial service at any other facility $ 325
Anatomical donations $ 495
Organist $ 70
National music service $ 20
Refrigeration $ 75
Cremation $ 275
Transfer of remains (30 miles) $ 175
Hearse (30 miles) $ 225
Limo (30 miles) $ 195
SUV (30 miles) $ 175
Caskets $795 to 24,000
Outer container $595 to 18,000
Burial clothing $100-$200
Forwarding remains $2,315
Receiving casket from another mortuary $ 895
Immediate burial (no ceremony) $1,720
Direct cremations (no ceremony) $1,664
Cremation containers $95 to $3,975
Package basics $2,195

On top of these costs are the cemetery costs which we’re still looking at. Per square foot, this is pricey real estate, probably Hawaiian coastline prices. I don’t think anyone will be visiting our grave site, especially if we live as long as our parents. So a little flat marble slab in the ground is sufficient, and I haven’t looked at the prices. These prices don't differ greatly from a 2002 article by Motley Fool, but you can see the price creep in just 3 years.

I used to think cemeteries that looked like set-aside prairie reserves or jogging parks were nice, but after visiting Buffalo’s Forest Lawn Cemetery last summer to see the Frank Lloyd Wright’s Blue Sky Mausoleum, I’m lusting after marble monuments and mature trees.



I’d like to write a somber but pithy concluding paragraph for this entry, and usually they come to me if I just keep typing, but somehow, nothing comes to mind.

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Five things not to say at a funeral is at my other, other blog. Caution: contains theological concepts.