Floor lamp saga

Regular readers know that one of my New Year's Resolutions is to stop sitting in the dark, straining my eyes. I'm on the prowl for a floor lamp, one my mother would love, and my husband will probably hate. When I find the lamp, different from all the rest, I'm going to christen it, "Olive the other floor lamps." Hey! After 48 years, I think our marriage is secure. So yesterday about 4 p.m., while husband is watching his 97th football game of the Christmas New Year season:

"Would you like to go shopping for a floor lamp now? I saw a new store about 2 miles from here."

"No, that's OK. You go."

Ten minutes later Norma walks into a contemporary furnishings store on Bethel Road.

"May I help you find something."

Gulping down her shock and surprise at the woman's slovenly, ready-for-the-trail-ride appearance, "Yes, I'm looking for a floor lamp. Do you know how much wattage this lamp uses?" The tag didn't say, and there was one tiny bulb in it, but it did work. The price was $115, which I thought was reasonable because it was a very nice design.

Slovenly saleslady earns points by admitting she knows nothing about the lamp, but would check the catalog. Meanwhile Norma browses. There are floor lamps that look like three giant mushrooms stacked atop each other; there are floor lamps that spiral; there are floor lamps that swing out 25 ft. or so like bending broken cherry pickers on a windy day; there are biblical floor lamps that hide their lights under a bushel.

Saleslady returns, and says as her chin stud sparkles in the wavering light of weird and bizarre lamps, "It will take a total of 125 watts, with 2 bulbs."

It would hurt too much to look at her pretty face which she has mangled with a variety of holes, so Norma mumbles to saleslady's combat boots, "Thank you, but I need something a bit brighter."

After a spin through Marshall's which only had table lamps, and K-Mart which had floor lamps in boxes, one a "natural light" with a goose neck for close sewing that might be a possibility if hidden in the corner, she returns home to husband who hasn't moved from his lounge chair and the football game.