The jargon creep

Not a creep that uses jargon, but a description of a program so filled with gooble-de-gook you either skim over and don't notice it, or gag:

"Ohio State University College of Social Work [description] First accredited in 1919, the College of Social Work is the oldest continuously accredited social work program in the country. The college, through excellence in teaching, research, and service, prepares leaders who enhance individual and community well-being, celebrate difference, and promote social and economic justice for vulnerable populations. It fosters social change through collaboration with individuals, families, communities, and other change agents to build strengths and resolve complex individual and social problems. As an internationally recognized college, it builds and applies knowledge that positively impacts Ohio, the nation and the world. Social Work's vision is to “embrace difference, seek justice, and be the change.”

• prepare leaders (I hope they prepare a few followers, because without sensible, educated, skilled followers, there's no one to lead)
  
• enhance (vt from old French via Latin; improve, increase
  
• community well-being (a moving target--depends on the amount of the grant)
  
• promote social and economic justice (guidelines from Saul Alinsky, Mao, small sects and cults living on Pacific Islands, various dead, and some living in Chicago, heros from the 1970s and Latin American revolutions--whether in church or college these are code phrases for some form of socialism, never capitalism, the system for which most immigrants come here and with which they succeed)
  
• vulnerable populations (whatever group brings in the most government money--could be Appalachian resettled miners, mentally ill street people, Vietnam vets, unemployed TV and toaster repairmen)
  
• celebrate difference (convince middle class rural and suburban college kids that their own lives and values are worthless)
  
• foster (v. from Old English word for food and feeding; giving parental care or nurture; encourage; promote growth or development)
  
• social change (what academics and government officials do for a living which affords a comfortable life style and sense of purpose for the agent; what they promote when they don't like someone else's values, religion, appearance, beliefs)
  
• collaboration (lots of meetings, task forces, papers, and empire building)
  
• other change agents (non-profits, churches, local government officials, members of the DNC, assorted useful misfits--most surviving on federal grants)
  
• families (any mix and match group)
  
• social problem (crime, education, voter behavior, smoking, obesity, or any people or personal structure that will not respond to government intervention so that the income stream is steady)
  
• you get the idea, jargon.

I've written so many mission statements I could do it in my sleep. You take 3 columns of words, (usually nouns, verbs, adjectives with as little specificity as possible) and start building sentences that will be as vague as possible, and never hold you accountable come evaluation time.

First column: university, college, department, program, unit, committee, community, individual, agent, purpose, class, victims, technology, change, hope etc. etc.

Second column: best, finest, newest, oldest, complex, simple, collaborative, positive, negative, vulnerable, weak, strong, sustainable, eco-friendly, green, digital, economic, social, cultural, diverse, digitized, etc., etc.

Third column: prepare, promote, enhance, foster, nurture, involve, increase, decrease, build, remove, improve, resolve, recognize, change, equip, engage, etc.

Fourth possible column: these would be adverbs, or other squish words, but use sparingly.

Just for fun and comparaison, Google this phrase, "mission statement school of social work" and just browse what the individual universities describe as their mission. Stoneybrook is big on "oppression," and Georgia is concerned about families. Some are specific about skills and expectations; some just float in a sea of meaningless words. You can almost guess the age and political preferences of the writers.