761 Don't blame June Cleaver

“If modern mothers ever had an enemy, it is June Cleaver. Perhaps more than anyone else in history, June created in us the idea that the good mother spends her day happily meeting the needs of her family. She cooks a hearty breakfast, keeps a tidy house, and welcomes her weary charges home each afternoon with a plate of warm cookies and a tender smile. We never see June complain or wish for a more fulfilling role. We never see her sigh when she finally gets a minute to sit down only to be interrupted by yet another request from the Beav. She certainly never asks Ward to watch the boys for a night because she wants to go out for some "mommy time." June is the superhuman mother who sets us all up for disappointment.” Carla Barnhill, on the “real desperate housewives.”

June Cleaver? Oh please! I’m probably old enough to be Barnhill’s mother. I never watched Leave it to Beaver until this year when I came across it on a channel that reruns old TV shows, and in the episodes I‘ve watched, June hardly appears at all. But I did all the above--until you get to the sentence about not complaining or not going out. I went to a lot of evening meetings and even did my grocery shopping at night because I didn’t like hauling the kids around on errands and I rarely hired babysitters. It was my mother (1912-2000), 10 years older than Barbara Billingsley the actrees who played June, who fits that paragraph.

June Cleaver is being set up a “straw woman.“ I’m not exactly a “modern” mother by this author‘s definition. (I should be a grandmother by age, training and talent.) Many of my peer mothers had gone back to work, at least part time, by the mid-1970s, so many of today’s mothers actually did have employed mothers, or mothers who were returning to graduate school, as models.

A little over 30 years ago I was in a women’s Bible study at First Community Church called “Harried Housewives,” whose members ranged in age from about 30-50. But by the time we gathered for a third anniversary, most of us were in the workplace. One of the women in Barnhill’s story sounds just like the reason we housewives had gathered back in the 70s: "I got blindsided by the responsibility, the emotional ties, the worry, the exhaustion, the discipline issues, and the day-to-day care of children. The reality for me is that motherhood is very draining and tiring and humbling. On a regular basis I feel like a failure as a mom. My walk with the Lord has suffered since I became a mom. Spending time with God feels like another obligation—just one more person wanting something from me."

If Carla Barnhill is correct, the modern women’s movement (then in its infancy), has done absolutely nothing for mothers. Increasingly more casual and relaxed lifestyles have done little for women. Technology certainly hasn’t saved them any time, just made them slaves to beeps and downloading. More how-to-books, exercise classes, and workshops on feelings and empowerment really don’t do much in the long run to rescue women. Much of the article is anecdotal whining, and she’s incredulous that gardening or sewing could be substitutes for board meetings and coffee breaks. But she eventually gets to the conclusion that happy stay-at-homes are there because no one forced them to be and their church encourages them to use their talents, which is the theme of her book, The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Rethinking the Spirituality of Women (Baker, 2004).