Monday, August 29, 2005

1421 Frequent flyer miles for fat kids with bad teeth

Disclaimer: I have no use for loyalty plans. Coupons were always the size and shape of dollars; loyalty plans use credit card sized plastic.

I hate them on a can,
I hate them in a box,
I hate them at the airport,
no matter what the plan.

I hate them more than green stamps,
I hate them more than coupons
I hate them more than barcodes
with scissor clipping cramps.

They add to the cost and the time of purchasing anything. Corporations--Keep your games out of my wallet. Don't make me show a card at the drug store or supermarket or shoe outlet. This is a useless whine because you cannot convince the American consumer that no one makes money giving away their product. We so want a pot of freebies at the end of the rainbow.

But the absolute worst must be the "Upromise" plan. Let's take Nestle for example. Three percent of every participating Nestle fun size candy bag purchase goes into little Jonny's Upromise Savings Account! Great. Fatten him up, rot his teeth, and then send him to college. "You can save 1% on Coca-Cola Classic®, Vanilla Coke® (non diet), Cherry Coke® (non diet), Coca-Cola® with Lime (non-diet), or Coca-Cola C2® (non diet) products when you purchase three or more in a single shopping trip." Such a deal I can hardly believe. Are parents this dumb? Unfortunately, yes.

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