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Pick up the phone!

if you are

• a Republican anything or
• a gay man or
• trying to get your kid into an exclusive pre-school or
• having an affair with a fellow astronaut or
• with one of your students or
• a Wal-Mart executive having an affair with a subordinate.

You can commit any sort of flagrant misconduct via e-mail or text messaging or even drive off a bridge with a staff assistant if you are a Democrat--it's expected of you, and you guys know how to stonewall it (no pun).

The latest story about the Wal-Mart VP, Julie Roehm, who was trying to portray herself as a victim of bad old Wal-Mart management problems in the aftermath of her firing, but in fact her trail of e-mail dropped little crumbs through the woods dark and dank to the bed of her subordinate Sean Womack. Now it's public; it's all documented. And his wife turned some of them over to the company. Roehm was using company money for lavish lovers' trysts. (story in today's WSJ)

When will executives and politicians learn to 1) be faithful to their marriage vows; 2) obey company policies about expense accounts; and 3) pick up the phone instead of e-mailing or texting their smarmy thoughts, longings and private yearnings?

You've come a long way baby, but Julie, you've proven women can be equal opportunity chumps and philanderers.

Read what Wal-Mart has done for the poor.