Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Remembering the Seventies--Monday Memories



I first heard the details about the modern women's movement in my living room. A neighbor/friend with whom I worked on a fair housing committee mentioned she was losing interest in civil rights, but had become interested in women's rights. Not the one from the 19th century, not getting out the vote of the early 20th century, but Equal Rights Amendment, equal pay stuff. Neither of us were employed, although we both had advanced degrees, and that wasn't unusual in my neighborhood near Ohio State University. I think her teenage daughter had run away from home; shortly thereafter she did too, and I never saw her again. Not too long after that I remember attending “consciousness raising” groups on the OSU campus--women sitting around in dumpy duplexes, usually on the floor, discussing the various ways society or more specifically men had kept them from their potential or dreams, and how things would be different if women were in charge. More collaborative. Kinder. More team work. We were so radical we didn’t even serve snacks like church ladies.

Yes, I remember when the professional schools of medicine, veterinary medicine, pharmacy and law weren't over 60% female. I just stared in amazement when the female student vet walked in to look at my 5 week old kitten in 1976. I remember when suburban neighborhoods weren't expensively furnished ghost towns during the day. People were around and children were playing in yards unsupervised. I remember when most pastors in Protestant mainline churches were male seminary graduates. I can even remember when people only went out to eat (unless they were fabulously wealthy) on special occasions. I can count on one hand the number of times I'd been in a fast food restaurant before 1970. I remember when I knew no one who homeschooled and no one sent their children (except Catholics) to private school. Grover and Big Bird were just a few years old and quite innocent; Phil Donahue was leaving Dayton around 1970, as I recall.

I didn't read a lot of medical literature in the early 1970s (except baby stuff), but it seems it was more about disease, cures and epidemiology and not so much about poverty, ethnicity and gender in those days. Children played in their own neighborhoods, or mothers organized play groups and supervised each others children. I didn't see a Wal-Mart until about 1978, or later,--in Bradenton I think. I used disposable diapers only on car trips, held the babies in my lap not car seats, their toys and clothing were made in the U.S.A. (or by me), and I never took my children to grocery stores or church. Like most of the people we knew we had one TV, one car, and one telephone.

That's sort of how I remember the 70s. The women's movement changed everything and brought us many of our current social, economic and health problems. More on that later.

[Sorry, this missed the deadline for Monday. There's no one to blame, but me.]

Obama and infanticide

All Democrats at the federal level said induced labor abortions which resulted in later killing the born alive aborted babies was wrong (Born alive infants protection act). Only one elected man in our government, in the Illinois legislature at the time, believes in infanticide. Barack Obama.

How to have a dialog with a liberal--Shut Up!



Andrew Klavan, HT Pauli.

Why is a political organization in the public school?

Upper Arlington Progressive Action began as a John Kerry fund raising organization in 2004 and a way to thumb a nose at UA conservatives, then flexing its muscles moved on to Barack Obama's enthronment in 2008. Now it is "sponsoring" Earth Day at Wickcliffe School in Upper Arlington, which is supported by my real estate taxes, state taxes, and federal taxes. I can't think of any similar conservative organization (by name), political or religious, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be allowed in one of our public schools (or the library--remember that group that wanted to pray!) to promote a conservative agenda of free markets, capitalism, Constitutional interpretation, party candidates, and the economic fight against environmental regulation and cap 'n trade which promises to hurt children most. Nor would they be allowed, if it was part of their mission statement, to tell the children the story from Genesis about how God created the earth and that he loves them. So why does UAPA get to do this?
    "Please join the Wickliffe Progressive School community, UAPA and Sustainable UA for an Earth Day Event on Saturday, April 25, 2009, at Wickliffe School, 2405 Wickliffe Road. These groups will be working together to get volunteers, Ohio-native plants and monetary donations for a community beautification event in celebration of Earth Day."
Also at the UAPA website is support for the Library levy, something we just went to the bank for 2 years ago, Jennifer Brunner, Democrat, and a tirade against Rush Limbaugh. He's the current go-to-guy-for-hate since Bush left to write his memoirs. Also he's on 610 and they are promoting a different AM station on their web site.

Too much salt, Americans?

In today's health column in WSJ, Melinda Beck writes about America's unfortunate love affair with sodium. She says we have increased our salt intake by 50% since the 1970s. I'll go a bit further and say since 1970, the real beginning of the current women's movement. I think on Thursday I'll write about 13 social, political, spiritual, economic and health problems we can trace to the modern women's movement. But I digress.

Beck says we (average Americans) get 15 times the sodium the body needs to function. Guilty as charged. I salt my breakfast--an apple, some sliced carrots and walnuts. I salt restaurant french fries. I salt canned soup. I'm bad. But I have very low blood pressure. Still that's no excuse, and those things can change overnight. So this morning I'm eating my apple, carrots and walnuts without salt. I noticed Beck mentioned osteoporosis, which of course should always be a concern to fair skin Caucasian women living with little sunshine (for vitamin D) and who don't like exercise. When I Googled "osteoporosis + sodium" I got a mixed bag, so that will take a bit of research. It seems very primitive societies have almost no salt in their diets, have very low blood pressure, but not a terrific advantage on life expectancy.

Even so, until further research, I'll eat my breakfast without salt.

I don't qualify, but maybe you do: "HYPERTENSION STUDY. The Department of Family Medicine at The Ohio State University is currently enrolling for a research study for people with stage 2 hypertension. This study is looking at how effective a combination pill of valsartan and aliskiren works versus valsartan alone. Participation will last up to 12 weeks and participants may receive up to $700. If you are interested in learning more about this study, please contact Paula Smailes at (614) 293-3644 or paula.smailes@osumc.edu."

Who the heck is Peter Heck?

Don't know, but he sure has this one right on the arrogance of our President. Obama sounds like a poor loser instead of a proud winner as he does the global trots defecating on our former Presidents (even Clinton in apologizing for Hutu-Tutsi problems) and besmirching our patriotism and history. Nobody's perfect; no country always gets it right. But he can't take the stance that "this happened when I was 3 years old, so don't blame me," and turn around and throttle the people who elected him for things he doesn't like in our Constitution or history. Read Peter Heck here.
    When abusive monarchs repressed the masses, Americans resisted and overthrew them. When misguided policies led to the unjust oppression of fellow citizens, Americans rebelled and overturned them. When millions of impoverished and destitute wretches sought a new beginning, Americans threw open the door and welcomed them. When imperial dictators were on the march, Americans surrendered their lives to stop them. When communist thugs threatened world peace, Americans bled to defeat them. When an entire continent was overwhelmed with famine and hunger, Americans gave of themselves to sustain it. When terrorist madmen killed the innocent and subjugated millions, Americans led the fight to topple them.

    This is the legacy that generations of Americans have left. If President Obama seeks stronger relations with the world community, perhaps he should begin by reminding them of these very truths, rather than condemning his own countrymen on foreign shores.

One can only hope that the liberals and progressives among us, who outnumber the hardened marxists and socialists, will wake up and demand that he represent the whole country, not just the Soros and Moore and Ayers types that put him in place and pull his strings. There is still time for him to change before Americans rise up and say,

ENOUGH.

Just start a blog

Today I received an e-mail from someone (don't remember--they might have scooped my e-mail address from another FWD list) which extolled the wonders and benefits of their workshop--and I'd only have to spend a few hundred dollars and leave the country! I was told I could. . .
    + Believe in your creativity
    + Stimulate your perceptive abilities
    + Find inspiration in the world around you
    + Get over creative blocks and the fear of failure
    + Engage your curiosity
    + Recognize and use your creative instincts
    + Give yourself the time, permission, and nourishment to do creative work
    + Develop a daily practice to accomplish these goals
    + Work collaboratively
    + Use your memories to engage the imagination
I can do all that for free by blogging. I post my memories, my poetry, my paintings; I comment on my volunteer activities and promote programming that I admire; I research the topics pretty carefully--after all that was my profession--information; I pull a lot of material off my own bookshelves or go to the library when I don't trust what I find in pixel dust; I leave a lot of material in "draft" until it has time to settle and percolate a bit.

And still. And yet. There are people--friends, family and total hit-and-run strangers who come in anonymity--who disagree with me. And that's fine. This is my diary (web log), and I'll write from my own perspective. Just like the paid reporters from the New York Times and Wall Street Journal that these same critics are willing to pay for. They will praise me for my memory or humor pieces, and then turn around and chastise me for caring that my country, under a new president who is trashing our former leaders and our history, destroying our economy, and high fiving and bowing to communist and despot leaders abroad, is going to hell in a handbasket of their making.

Hypocrisy and short sightedness are not in short supply. Common sense and knowledge of history are.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Apple pie, bubble gum and stained teeth



Tonight our Holy Land Cruise group is getting together to share our photos and experiences. My end of the alphabet got pies. This is my sugar free apple pie (3 types of apples) just out of the oven. My neighbor and I are going together because our husbands have a meeting (same). I hope the Greek Orthodox group comes--they really livened up our Lutheran potlucks. As I said before, I used to make really good pies, but lately (last 7 years) not so much. I'm blaming it on an electric oven instead of gas. Actually, on Abington (34 years) I had a crappy gas stove. Sometimes it wouldn't light and I'd have to get on the floor, open the bottom, and bang on the pilot light with a spatula. You could always tell when Mom was baking from the loud noise in the kitchen.

This is a photo of the wild wallpaper in my bathroom. It sort of looks like draped satin with pink tassles. Can you tell gay decorators used to live here? When I first saw this room (after the brown/gold/gray living room, orange dining room, red family room, electric yellow guest room, and royal blue master suite, I thought it was over the top (I think there was a hanging lamp on a chain over the toilet). But now we've toned everything else down several octives to beige, pale gold, and khaki, so it looks a lot better to me. The towel color, called "bubble gum," has always been a problem. It's hard to find (matches the tassles). But today I found a set at K-Mart. I didn't even hesitate.

Have you seen all those ads popping up on your computer for white teeth? I glanced through a study at Ohio State about the home teeth whiteners taking some of the enamel, but it's pretty small. I thought it probably did, but gosh, when you drink as much coffee as I do (did), your teeth start to look bad around age 50 and it's worse if you smoke (I don't). And I've had a few cups since then. I pour my refill coffee into a Rubbermaid pint bottle for the next day. I've been watching the plastic get dark. Now, I could just buy some new bottles, but I know they'd be made in China. Mine are old enough to have been born in the USA. Still, a bit like my teeth. Yesterday I filled them with water and put in a couple TBSP of Clorox. Works like a dream. Unfortunately, that won't work with my teeth. I also wonder if it's degrading the plastic. Anyone know? Cuz? Also, several years ago a dentist (I've since fired) back filled with a little bonding my front teeth because the bottom teeth were wearing on the back of my top teeth. Now when I have my picture taken, the flash bounces and it looks like I have head lights in my mouth.

Enough about illegal guns and drugs, let's talk about people

"The United States (U.S.) is a destination country for thousands of men, women, and children trafficked largely from East Asia, Mexico, and Central America for the purposes of sexual and labor exploitation. A majority of foreign victims identified during the year were victims of trafficking for forced labor. Some men and women, responding to fraudulent offers of employment in the United States, migrate willingly—legally and illegally—but are subsequently subjected to conditions of involuntary servitude or debt bondage at work sites or in the commercial sex trade. An unknown number of American citizens and legal residents are trafficked within the country primarily for sexual servitude and, to a lesser extent, forced labor."

Whether for sex or labor, it's slavery, and the U.S. has had an anti-trafficking program since 2000. In 2007, the last year for records (in the 2008 report) $23 million was allocated for domestic programs to boost anti-trafficking law enforcement efforts, identify and protect victims of trafficking, and raise awareness of trafficking as a means of preventing new incidents. Sounds like a drop in the bucket, for the size of the problem. We give much more to the children of illegal immgrants than we do stopping slavery streaming across our borders.

President Obama needs to toss some more change this direction. And the 2008 report is still up. Reports from the Bush years are fast disappearing from the web. Get them while they last, or before they've been digitally altered. Trafficking in Persons Report, 2008.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Not to be disrespectful of the office. . .



This photo brings to mind several possibilities for captions.
    Buming out.

    May I have this dance?

    Hot (crossless) buns. (Refers to the Georgetown speech)

    Mr. BO Jangles.

    Shucking and jiving.

    How low can he go?

    Please raise the teleprompter--I can hardly see it.

    Who did your nails; they're fabulous!

The original ARRA

You probably can't copyright an acronym, but ARRA also stands for Arkansas Republican Assembly: "News for social, fiscal & national security conservatives who believe in God, family & country. We seek to uphold the rights of citizens under the US Constitution, traditional family values, Republican principles / ideals, transparent & limited government, free markets, & individual freedom. The ARRA News Service is an outreach of the Arkansas Republican Assembly." Just wanted to clear up any confusion with American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, Obama's War against the Economy. Although I think "reinvestment" is a strange word to use when they have instituted the biggest tax grab in history and only citizens create wealth--government spends it--it certainly is more pronounceable than Bush's tax cuts, the 2001 Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act (EGTRRA) and the 2003 Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act (JGTRRA).

Why I won't be supporting the Upper Arlington Library levy

The signs are popping up in yards like daffodils. Can you imagine a worse time to ask people to raise their real estate taxes for a non-essential service? This town is getting grayer and grayer; retired people have lost bundles in collapsing retirement accounts. Our city can't figure out what to do with the little taxable property we do have (like Kingsdale) which only leaves our homes. And it approved a terrible housing experiment for Tremont Road which stands empty.

I'm not at all saying that public libraries are non-essential (although they become less so in an internet world). But this increase is definitely not needed. They just came to us. . . when? Three or four years ago so they could build a drive through book drop and then didn't get it the correct height. And although they want us to voluntarily increase our taxes, when we came to them with our concerns (pornographic and gay sex materials in the lobby) they let the gay activists who don't even live here tell us we have no right to decide what the children see because the library gets money from the county. No concerned parent told the library director that there should be no purchased and cataloged gay material in the library collection. No, the parents of UA said don't leave the free circ trashy newspapers and magazines in the lobby. Let the distributors put them in bars and clubs. This was solved by bringing the objectionable material inside, spending money on special height shelving, and leaving the lobby empty. Great use of resources and input, wasn't it?

No, this library board and director don/t listen to the people, don't buy what we want if we're conservatives, but love to pass the collection plate (oops, can't say that--they don't want church groups to meet in library space if they pray). Sorry. I'm saying NO to this one. I'd say YES to the zoo or the MRDD (or whatever the current acceptable term is) or the schools, but this librarian is saying NO to more money for the public library.

Update: I was wrong. I just checked my blog and the last levy was two years ago. All the reasons I listed then, still exist. That blog content went to the local paper but was never published.

Ten Random thoughts about Aging

1) I think I'm looking pretty darn good. Got on a new dress and the hubby says "you're beautiful" (actually, he tells me that every day no matter what I'm wearing). Then I look around the narthex at church and I'm one of two or three women under the age of 90 in a skirt.

2) I remember something in the closet that always looked good. It was fun to wear. Full of cats (not just cat hair). I pull it out. I started the mental adding machine. Hmmm. Probably bought it in 1995 or 1996, but I have an old photo and it might be even worse than that.


3) To go with that cat vest, I decide on brown jeans. They fit before Palm Sunday, just two weeks ago. But I had a lot of pizza Friday night, and a Philly cheese Saturday night, and now the zipper will barely function. Must be the salt. Couldn't be the calories, right?

4) I've got a new hi-tech thingy I thought I just had to have. It's been sitting on the desk since early February, and I've yet to download (upload?) the guts to make it work. It doesn't help that instructions are on-line instead of in the box where they should be.

5) I got a new version of genealogy software for Christmas. No matter what, I can't get it to print the wonderful lists I used to make with the old version, but it sure will wrap fancy frames around photographs.

6) On our trip last week we found out about a new baby niece no one had told us about. My software can't begin to explain this one. What do you do when it's not even a "significant other" but the mother is still around--some place.

7) Has this ever happened to you? You look in the mirror and find someone else's arms (legs seem to be familiar) attached to your shoulders? The last time my arms looked toned was when Nelson Jr. and I did the egg toss at the senior picnic.


8) At the 2007 Tech class reunion, we have to ask the MC to make an announcement because my husband and one of his closest friends from the 1950s didn't recognize each other so they can meet and talk about old times.


9) And I probably wouldn't know Murray, Guest Blogger of Collecting my Thoughts, if I passed him on the street. (He's the one holding the trophy.)


10) I feel a bit smug about our clean garage--not only will it take two cars, but there is room to spare. Then I take a walk in the gorgeous weather around the grounds to photograph some spring color and see that Joan and Jerry's is clean enough to put ours to shame--and they are cleaning it again! Show offs!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Several new lady links

Sometimes it's tough hanging on to the lady bloggers--they go back to work, or get discouraged, or think they should have more comments, have health or family issues, or someone blows their cover. Today I added three new ones. Kris, Jo, and Maggie. If you think I'm tough, look out for Kris and Maggie. Jo is traveling and photographing. Lots of fun to read her stuff. The dog hair one is priceless.

Economic Recovery Payments to Recipients of Social Security

This one leaves me out. I get a teacher's pension and am subject to the Government Pension Offset. The SS on-line page sounds less sure about how this will happen. "We are currently working on the details regarding how we will issue nearly 55 million one-time payments to our beneficiaries." Bush won over no Democrats when he returned their overpayment of taxes (called a tax cut)--in fact they ridiculed him that it was so small. So I don't think this will fool any of us who see the ARRA has a huge step toward nationalizing the economy and instituting high inflation since Obama is killing those businesses that actually provide jobs and a tax base, just as he promised during his campaign. Chavez recently said he should come out of the closet (no, not that one) and just admit he's a socialist.
    Section 2201 of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 (ARRA) authorized a $250 one-time payment to recipients of Social Security, SSI, Railroad Retirement Benefits, and Veterans Disability Compensation or Pension Benefits. These payments are expected to be issued in May and June 2009.

    In accordance with the provisions of Section 2201, these payments shall not be counted as income or as a resource in the month received and the following 9 months for the purposes of determining eligibility for FDPIR. Therefore, any applicant or participating household that receives the $250 payment would have the value of its total countable resources reduced by $250 in the month received and the following 9 months.

    For example, a two-person household receives the $250 payment in May 2009. The $250 payment combined with the household’s other resources totals $3,158. The household qualifies for the $3,000 resource limit because at least one of the household members is 60 years or older. The $250 payment is excluded as income and as a resource in May 2009 and for the 9-month period of June through February 2010. Consequently, the household would remain resource eligible for FDPIR from May 2009 through February 2010, unless its total countable resources exceeded $3,250. Beginning March 2010, the $250 resource exclusion would no longer be applicable, so the household would not be resource eligible if its total countable resources exceeded $3,000.
So I wonder what is a "resource limit?" SS plus dividends? SS plus part time job? Plus rental income? Plus losses? It will probably generate 3 additional pages on our 2009 income tax (federal, state, estimated), and we pay by the page.

How does evolution do this?

"Desorption electrospray ionization mass spectrometry (DESI-MS) reveals that a simple red seaweed uses 28 different chemical weapons to defend itself against a single fungal attack." Even back in the days when I was a humanist Democrat, I didn't believe in evolution. So don't think this is confined to conservative Christians. Even when I was taught it all through 12 years of public school and college and my master's degree. Even when I was Associate Professor working in a science library. Even when people would point and laugh and loan me books to show me the error of my ways. And this DESI-MS story (which I only found today) is a good example of why at age 6 I had figured it out. So, while chemicals 5, 15 and 27 were evolving over a few million years, how did the seaweed protect itself from fungal attack (which was also evolving at a different pace, I assume). And will it die out before it can evolve #29 because the fungus is also evolving?

The Bible begins in a garden with a man and woman and ends with a city and a bride and bridegroom. You can trust it.

Susan Boyle sings Cry me a River

One of my favorites. Apparently someone found a charity compilation CD at Whitburn Academy (Scotland) . . . and the rest is history. The 47 year old sensation from "Britain's Got Talent" became a world talent when the video of her performance went viral.



HT Hot Air

How did this get into print?

The Ohio State Lantern had a reporter at the Columbus Tea Party on April 15. He apparently interviewed the
    "State Auditor Mary Taylor who said she was happy to see such a large crowd, despite the rainy weather. She said the grass roots campaign showed how much the people care for America, similar to the way colonial Americans cared for America when the formed the Boston Tea Party.

    "I believe in American ingenuity, and I believe that if the government gets out of our way we can solve this problem," Taylor said. "But instead of leadership, we get spending. When was the last time any of you got out of debt by going on a shopping spree?"

    While a few in attendance said the rally had strong undertones from the Republican Party, most agreed that the government's spending, taxes and debt are getting out of control.

    "I don't see how what's going on is capitalism any more," said Matthew Schill, a junior psychology major at OSU. "The careless spending without having a plan upsets me. Spending money we don't have, and increasing the national debt--I don't see how that will make anything better."
Unfortunately for Zach Tuggle, the student journalist for the Lantern, newspapers are going under at a fast rate, and I don't think he'll be able to save his profession which used to have a proud history. In recent years, the papers have been nothing but a collection of op-ed's and anti-business harangues, especially NYT, WaPo, WSJ, LA Times, Cleveland PD, and the Columbus Dispatch. Every "news" item was filled with anecdotes, psycho-babble, and MSW chatter. No wonder subscribers and advertisers gave up on them.

No source

Obama's doing enough bad stuff accurately reported that I don't need to add unsourced material, but if you personally want to read the Navy Seal report on what really happened with the pirates and why it took so long, and why the pirates weren't shot when the captain jumped in the water giving the marksmen a clear view, well, here's the oldest record I found--but no source, on a Baylor discussion list. That's even more poorly sourced than a blog under a made up name (I use my own). I'm just saying. . . it makes more sense than the news reports, but who really knows? Remember, because Bush sat a few seconds in stunned silence while reading to school children when the terrorists flew into the WTC, the marxists-among-us, including certain Hollywood celebs who are experts on everything, say he planned the whole thing. Obama waits 4 days to act, and they think he's god-like and brave.

The Dam


Howard whom I don't know but who is part of Bill's list (whom I do know) is sending this around. I haven't checked the authenticity to see if Mr. DeVries of PA wrote this. Because if it isn't real, there are letters out there that are--like the one my son got (after Geithner the tax cheat was hired) notifying him that he was 50 cents off in his taxes and he owed the government big time!
    SUBJECT: DEQ
    File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

    Dear Mr. DeVries:

    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2007.

    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

    We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in
    this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

    Sincerely,

    David L. Price
    District Representative and Water Management Division

    Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

    Re: DEQ File
    No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

    Dear Mr. Price,

    Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania ..

    A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature's building materials "debris."

    I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

    These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

    My dam question to you is:

    (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

    (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws,
    annotated.)

    I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

    The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

    If you want the dammed stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

    So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007 ? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be prosecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they defecate!

    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

    THANK YOU,


    RYAN DEVRIES
    & THE DAM BEAVERS
So if you've checked Snopes, and this isn't real, you can keep your dam research to yourself and let others have a laugh. Thanks, Howard.