1636 Adult children living at home

Recently I received an e-mail from Tina, one of my closest childhood friends. Her parents moved when we were 16, but the few times we've been together over the years, it's not hard to catch up. But she mentioned a 25 year old grand daughter. I about fell out of my chair. I remember her daughter (mother of the grand child) as a darling toddler, and she's engraved on my memory that way.

Say what you will about people marrying young, but it usually got them out of the house. Yesterday's WSJ had an article about the growing number of adult children returning to live with their parents after college, career mishapes, and marriage failures. I've been hearing that for 20 years, at least, but perhaps it is always a fresh story if you're not aware of "boomerang kids."

I visited my great aunt last week and met for the first time her youngest son (my first cousin once removed). She is a widow and he is single and about 50 years old, so this makes a wonderful housing arrangement for them both. He has a nice home, and she has someone to keep the yard and house in good repair and is able to stay in her own home without fear.

But it sounds like a bad idea for the 25-40 years olds. What do you tell the potential date about who might answer the phone? Or where you live? Do all their friends live this way so they think it is cool?

The author had some suggestions on how to deal with the returning descendants, and I've added my score for reality. 1) Talk about your own struggles as a young person. 4 whoops of laughter. How many kids want to hear about the "old days" when you didn't own a car, had only one black and white TV and a coin operated wringer washer in the basement of the apartment building? 2) Draw up a plan. 3 whoops. Been there done that. No one over 16 wants a parent to devise a plan or budget, no matter how much sense it makes. It always screams, "Here's what you need to do. . ." However, I do this anyway because I write such great plans. 3) Treat them like adults--charge rent, assign cleaning responsibilities, cooking, etc. 2 whoops. If you're charging her rent, she has a right to keep 3 week old pizza scraps and dirty undies all over her room, doesn't she? 4) Financial help-- arrange loans to wean them away from you. This one makes some sense. Pay the deposit on the apartment; make a car payment if necessary, but do something to get them standing on their own two feet and out from under yours.

Our children never returned home as adults--in fact, they left too young (18), in my opinion. But we have helped them financially over the years, with car payments, bills, etc. We've helped them both buy homes, and I think that is a good investment for them and for us. I plan to move in with them some day and leave pizza scraps and dirty laundry around the house.

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