2149 How not to marry a high maintenance woman

Since I wrote on How not to marry a jerk, I thought I should give women equal time. A female jerk is a "high maintenance woman," and we're not talking just money here, but time, energy and emotions. They wear you out and exhaust you with their games, chatter, nagging, gossip and whining. Again, I don't have personal experience with this, but I have friends and family who do. I even checked the internet on this one, and when guys talk about this, they usually mean $$$$. Women have a different interpretation, so I had to do some interviewing to write this one.

She might be high maintenance if

• every crisis is about her. When 9/11 happened, she was worried about her trip to NY, not about the victims or the country.
  
• she's never available to help. She wants you and your buddies to help her move, but she can't even hang a towel or run the vacuum at your house.
  
• she only calls when she needs something. You might as well say, "Hello, what do you need now?" when you see her number come up.
  
• she can't save money. Can't be bothered with learning the magic alphabet from 403-b to 401-k.
  
• she's paying off credit card debt at the minimum, and should have that entertainment center paid for in 2035.
  
• she still depends on daddy to bail her out of messes. He and not she has furnished that nice house and bought the expensive clothes, and he's hoping to unload her.
  
• she interacts very differently with others than she does when it's just the two of you.

She's definitely high maintenance, so just cut and run because it is hopeless if

• You've set the date and she's turned into Bridezilla.
  
• the ring isn't big enough, the right color, yada, yada.
  
• she can't rearrange her schedule because of her hair, her make-up, doesn't have the right clothes, etc.
  
• her clothes take up all the closets in the apartment, and yours are in a box in the basement, but you shouldn't be living together anyway, so you're a putz too.
  
• she is always on a diet, or says she is, but you suspect an eating disorder. Food is missing, or she spends a lot of time in the bathroom after a meal. This will only get worse and you'll be paying for hospitals and therapists.
  
• you've never seen her without make-up. Her bathroom looks like a cosmetic counter at Macy's. If she gets a zit, the world is ending.
  
• she speaks in psycho-babble. "You're never there for me!" "We need to talk" is a prelude to torture.
  
• Narcissis could be her middle name, or her favorite flower, but it's always all about her.
  
• she lies, particularly about her ex-, former jobs, sexual harrassment, what things cost, or even the time and temperature if it brings her the attention she craves.
  
• there are many signs that she is overusing alcohol or doing drugs, but you keep making excuses for her behavior, her tardiness, her missed days at work, her damaged relationships because you like feeling like a hero. If you couldn't rescue her, what would you do with your time?
  
• she can't say no to people, particularly her parents.
  
• she is so overcommitted on activities you have to both get out your PDAs to even have a coffee date.
  
• she won't consider your church--its too liturgical or too informal or too big or too small, or too Catholic or too Pentecostal, but she never attends her own.
  
• she doesn't have custody of her children, and misses her child support payments.
  
• she ridicules people who have disabilities, or who are different than she, or who are a different race or ethnic group.
  
• she's a potty mouth. She knows more bad words and dirty jokes than you do. It might be funny now, but think about your future children and the board of directors if you ever go that high.
  
• you are looking for someone to fix, or someone to fix you.