Remarkable similarities in the four candidates

Have you ever thought about how much the 4 candidates actually do have in common? 

Vance's wife, Usha, and Kamala Harris are daughters of Indian immigrants who were well educated California academics. Say what you will about class and race in America, but Asian Indians are near the top in education, income and entrepreneurship. (Vivek Ramaswamy and Nikki Haley were also candidates and also ethnically Indian.) As an immigrant group they have an advantage since most have a college degree and English as a 2nd language when they immigrate. 

And Donald Trump's mother and wives Ivana and Melania were immigrants (Czech and Slovenian).

Vance and Obama were both raised by their grandparents (Obama technically isn't running, but that's not true in reality). 

Vance and Walz have strong rural backgrounds, Vance with his heart home in rural Kentucky, and Walz in several rural communities in Nebraska and working on a farm as a teen. 

For all they say about the importance of family values (and all candidates say that), fathers don't seem to be on the scene much. Walz's father died when he was young, Vance's father was completely out of the picture and his Papaw was his male influence, Harris's parents were divorced, and other than her father being a Marxist professor, we don't know much about him. Trumps' father is mentioned as a real estate mogul, but I don't see evidence that it was a warm relationship. 

Both Vance and Walz have experience in the military and attribute much of their success and leadership skills to that. 

Both Trump and Harris, children of privilege, attended private schools--Trump's was a military school and Harris' was in Montreal, Canada. 

In stories and rumors of sexual escapades, Trump and Harris match up well.

Can you think of other similarities?

One Lie at a Time

Today I listened to a Becket Cook show, "One lie at a time" that discussed the Norman Lear comedies of the 1970s-80s, like "One day at a time," "Maud," and "All in the family." He referred to Lear's sit-coms as promoting the Marxist plan to abolish the traditional family by demeaning the role of fathers, glamorizing or laughing at sexual promiscuity, promoting subjective truth and no boundaries values, and normalizing the secular humanist view. Certainly something to think about because the younger boomers and older gen-x were simmered in this cultural stew.   One Lie at a Time - The Becket Cook Show - Becket Cook (lifeaudio.com)

Becket had a successful career as a set designer in the Hollywood fashion world. He gave up that career and his flamboyant gay lifestyle when he became a Christian and went to seminary. He speaks at a lot of conferences and churches and has a podcast where he interviews many interesting people, some from the entertainment community (like Chynna Phillips).

The Last Walk by Roland Lane

Last Walk

For me it was a poignant video moment from the hundreds we have witnessed from Ukraine in the last two weeks. Perhaps you saw it too. A father and son walked hand in hand toward a town or city. The son was about four or five years old and was wearing a yellow parka or slicker of some sort. The father was in his late twenties or early thirties. He looked over the head of his son as three or four adults passed by going the opposite direction. Those individuals were carrying backpacks or some type of luggage. Our small family of father and son carried nothing. The video footage lasted about four seconds, but the image spoke the language of this war. What do you say and what are you thinking in what may be the last walk with your son?

My thoughts flew back to the happy memories when I walked hand in hand with my father as we shuffled along through the golden leaves of a bright autumn day in Circleville, Ohio. Circleville was the home of the Circleville Pumpkin show and we walked from where we parked our car on Washington Avenue to Main Street and turned right where parade officials were lining up the floats for the afternoon parade. For me that corner of Washington and Main was magic. Great piles of leaves and brightly decorated floats greeted us along with the aroma of spiced tea, coffee, chocolate, elephant ears, minced chicken sandwiches and pumpkin pie. It was five years after the end of World War II. I was five years old and one of the first baby boomers, a part of the magnificent class of 1945 and a happy recipient of the blessings of peace.

In springtime my focus shifted to Newark, Ohio the childhood home of my mother. On Sundays our family walked a block to church on Western Avenue a street lined with cottonwood trees. It was springtime, and the Cottonwoods dispatched millions of white cotton-like wisps to greet little kids walking to church. The cotton wisps covered lawns and parked cars and on windy days it looked like a snowstorm. I walked hand in hand with my grandmother and I knew from the earliest memories I was not an ordinary grandson. There was a warm and wonderful connection with Grandma Cora that I did not fully understand until much later. My grandma’s eldest son, my uncle Mark died in the last months of the war. I was born six weeks after it ended. I did not discover until much later in life that my grandma Cora saw me as the replacement for the lost son.

My father lived a good life. He was the best man I ever met and although he was almost 92 when he died, all the earlier joys and happy times did not make it easy for me. It was a little past 9:30 am and I and my dad were in his hospital room alone together. I moved his oxygen mask away from his face and bent down to speak into his right ear while I nervously watched the numbers plummet on the oxygen monitor on our upper left. I spoke eight words and he four. My dad and I both knew it was our last conversation. It was one of the shortest conversations in my life and simultaneously it was the most dramatic and most intimate. Be it physical, emotional or mental, most of us will take a last walk with a loved one.

Hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians are now taking that last walk. Much of this might have been avoided had the U.S. leadership not botched the exit and abandoned thousands of friends in Afghanistan. Now, the world watches Taiwan. Biden stubbornly hangs on to the notion of “no oil from here” and begs oil from Russia, Iran and Venezuela. Are we all now in agreement that Biden cannot distinguish friends from enemies? This might be the last walk for the United States.

 
Roland Lane, March 20

Gilead, our March book club selection

To avoid watching the news and the mess Biden has made of our lives, I've been reading the March book club selection while on the exercycle. Gilead by Marilynne Robison promises to be an interesting read, and I believe it's the first of a series. So I've looked for a few reviews. Her first novel was "Housekeeping" but it was about 24 years before she wrote her second.

But Gilead, a book about fathers and sons, where Housekeeping was a book about girls and women, and fragmentary where one of Housekeeping's achievements was its fluid narrative completeness, takes an opposing narratorial position with a protagonist whose insider credentials could not be stronger. In Genesis, in the story of Joseph, Gilead is the casually mentioned place left behind by the merchants who bought Joseph from his brothers. Robinson's Gilead is a small American town in Iowa in 1956. John Ames, a preacher in his mid-70s whose heart is failing him, is writing letters to his only child, now aged six, so that when the boy reaches an adulthood his father won't see, he'll at least have this posthumous one-sided conversation: "While you read this, I am imperishable, somehow more alive than I have ever been."

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/apr/16/fiction.alismith

"GILEAD is better than a good book. It is a slim, spare, yet exquisite and wonderfully realized story that will long stand as one of fiction’s finest reflections on the sacramental dimensions of life, especially the Christian life lived in the routines and wonderments of prayer. It is, like a good sermon, a passionate meditation.

The book is slender only in the number of its pages — a mere 247. Otherwise, it is a fuller, richer and more deeply textured novel than most contemporary fiction twice its size. Robinson makes use of a form — the epistolary novel — that is classic but one of the most difficult to pull off well. It can often seem forced and cumbersome and — to the contemporary reader more attuned to e-mail and instant-messaging rather than the carefully considered craft of composing a letter — irritating in its deliberate pace.

Robinson’s epistle takes the form of a letter from 76-year-old John Ames, a fourth-generation Congregationalist minister, to his just-about-seven-year-old son. Ames is suffering from heart disease, and his letter, written in 1956, is a summing up of the past sprinkled with anecdotes and advice and sketches of the present, especially of his son and his wife and his best friend, also a minister."https://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/2005/03/18/march-18-2005-book-review-gilead-by-marilynne-robinson/4232/

Movie night

We don’t see a lot of movies.  The last time we went to a theater, it was sold out on-line, not only for that showing, but the next.  But our daughter recommended a movie when we went out for dinner Friday night, and since I was picking up some books at the library yesterday, I looked for it.

So last night we watched the movie, "Chef," which although it has an awful lot of food prep and f-words in it, is a wonderful story about a boy and his relationship with his divorced dad. Well worth your time. Also a lot about social media, which the son knows how to do, and dad doesn’t.  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2883512/videoplayer/vi3075386649?ref_=tt_ov_vi

More and more research is showing how important it is for children to have a relationship with their fathers.  It’s best if they can be in the home, but even ordinary things like rough housing with kids can help their experience later in life, and cut down on crime and improve school performance. And of course, single parent households are more likely to be poor which affects even longevity. https://geneticliteracyproject.org/2019/03/07/why-growing-up-poor-could-hurt-your-brain-in-old-age/?

Losing a father

Forty years ago in 1977 we flew to California with our children for an extended visit with my in-laws, Bob and Rosemary. My husband's father, a large athletic man, bigger than either son, had lost about 50 pounds that year, as had my own father, and my husband's step-dad, Jim. I had lost one entire father just from their dieting.

Abortion and fathers

"I was climbing the ladder of success in the acting and performing world. I was not at all Christian back then. My girlfriend at the time was an actress who was using an IUD for contraception but it didn't work and she became pregnant. We both felt we could not go through with the baby because our careers were just getting rolling. I felt I was being very responsible and loyal boyfriend for helping pay for the abortion. I went down to the clinic with her. I read magazines in the waiting room, waiting to escape from the responsibility of being a father. She came out of the room, a changed person. She tumbled into an intense depression. I tried to avoid the pain and dove harder into my career. . . 

I did not learn my lesson. Soon after that I met a woman who was a doctor (M.D.). She was also being considered to become an astronaut. She became pregnant even though she was on the pill (it shows that contraception doesn't work). We agreed that it was an inconvenient time to have a baby because we were "building our careers." We aborted the baby. 

Although my girlfriend wanted the abortion also, the moment she was on the operating table and the doctor was using a suction machine to remove the parts of our baby, she had a powerful urge to say "put that back!" It was devastating to her emotionally. No amount of medical training could explain away the emptiness. There was no explanation for this emotional tumble, except that we had done something horribly wrong. Nothing could cover her motherhood. After the abortion, an emptiness swallowed me. Like many couples who have abortions, not long after it we broke up."

http://catholicbridge.com/catholic/abortion.php

Race Relations and Law Enforcement—Jason Riley

“The shooting death of a young black man by a white police officer in Ferguson, Missouri, last year touched off a national discussion about everything except the aberrant behavior of so many young black men that results in such frequent encounters with police. We talked about racial prejudice, poverty, unemployment, profiling, the tensions between law enforcement and poor black communities, and so forth. Rarely did we hear any discussion of black crime rates.

Homicide is the leading cause of death for young black men in the U.S., and around 90 percent of the perpetrators are also black. Yet for months we’ve had protesters nationwide pretending that our morgues are full of young black men because cops are shooting them. Around 98 percent of black shooting deaths do not involve police. In fact, a cop is six times more likely to be shot by someone black than the opposite. The protestors are pushing a false anti-cop narrative, and everyone from the president on down has played along.” . . .

“If liberals want to help reverse these crime trends, they would do better to focus less on supposed racial animus and more on ghetto attitudes towards school, work, marriage, and child-rearing. As recently as the early 1960s, two out of three black children were raised in two-parent households. Today, more than 70 percent are not, and the number can reach as high as 80 or 90 percent in our inner cities.

For decades, studies have shown that the likelihood of teen pregnancy, drug abuse, dropping out of school and other bad social outcomes increases dramatically when fathers aren’t around. One of the most comprehensive studies ever undertaken in this regard concluded that black boys without a father are 68 percent more likely to be incarcerated than those with a father—that overall, the most critical factor affecting the prospect of young males encountering the criminal justice system is the presence of a father in the home. All other factors, including family income, are much less important.”

https://imprimis.hillsdale.edu/race-relations-and-law-enforcement/

Happy Father’s Day

Everyone is posting photos of “dad,” so here’s mine.  I don’t have a lot to choose from.  We didn’t have digital cameras in those days, or smart phones, and we didn’t record every get-together and holiday.  But this one was on the occasion of three new grandbabies born between September 10 and October 5 in 1961.  Dad wasn’t all that experienced holding babies, as you can see from the shape of his hands.  He was the oldest of nine, so of course my mother thought he must love kids!  He was 48.

Caring for 2—a federal program for mothers and infants at risk

It gives me pleasure to report on a federal health/poverty/race program that actually is meeting its goals—Caring for 2.  I’d never heard of it, but came across the name on the list of referrals we use at the Pregnancy Decision Health Center where I volunteer.

http://publichealth.columbus.gov/uploadedFiles/Public_Health/Content_Editors/Maternal_Health/Caring_for_2/Caringfor2_update_1pager_2011.pdf

Caring for 2 began in 1991 as part of Healthy Start with 15 test sites, and now has 105, two in Ohio, Columbus and Cleveland. Although I don’t believe it began as a race based program, it is now limited to African Americans, and in Columbus to specific zip codes. The mission was to reduce the high infant mortality rate; in Columbus this has certainly been successful (for those enrolled) with the infant mortality rate below the national average.

There seems to be a recent push to include fathers in the program (NHSA’s Where Dads Matter fatherhood program begun in 2007).  Who knew?  Actually the number one advantage for a poor or low income child is to have married parents. That and a job for dad, any job, will provide those parents with the opportunity to leave poverty behind.  No government program makes that kind of promise.

I can’t find anything current under Healthy Start that specifically funds promoting fatherhood, but did find a page of links.  It is mentioned in the national annual report, but is definitely a step child added during the Bush years. http://fatherhood.gov/for-programs/federal-programs-and-resources

California’s program includes a piece specifically for “dads” but marriage doesn’t seem to be a part of that. In fact, it’s not even mentioned as the biggest guarantee that a child won’t grow up in poverty. http://www.healthycal.org/archives/10425

Here is a state by state update on what is happening. Despite the success rate, or perhaps because of it, I was disappointed to read how some programs are being watered down with other issues, like fighting racism, because there are so many other avenues for that, and success has been dramatic by focusing on health and coordinating community resources already available.

http://www.nationalhealthystart.org/site/assets/docs/NHSA_SavingBabiesPub_2ndED.pdf

Healthy Start is currently funded at just under $105 million and authorized through 2013. Healthy Start was first established as a pilot program by President George H.W. Bush in 1991. The last reauthorization of the program passed Congress in 2008 and was signed into law by President George W. Bush on October 3, 2008. The fatherhood component was added under GW Bush.

Monday Memories—Father’s Day 2012

Sitting on the deck he helped build in September 2010 for our 50th wedding anniversary celebration at our daughter’s home.

The colander that brought fresh banana peppers from our son’s garden which were added to the salad.

A wonderful meal of baked salmon with teriyaki sauce, green beans and tossed salad prepared by our daughter.

Free speech or abortion rights?

"Alamogordo resident Greg Fultz’s billboard is getting national attention — and it could land him in jail. The 35-year old owner of internet sales and service company GEFNET bought the space on White Sands Boulevard to run an ad featuring an image of himself holding the black outline of an infant along with the headline, “This Would Have Been a Picture Of My 2-Month Old Baby If The Mother Had Decided To NOT KILL Our Child!” The original billboard said it was “created for N.A.N.I.,” an acronym that is the same as his former girlfriend’s first name.

Nani Lawrence has filed a petition in court against Fultz for domestic violence and charges of harassment and invasion of privacy. Last week, an Otero County Domestic Violence Court commissioner backed Lawrence’s claim, recommending an order of protection for her and that the billboard be removed by 8:14 a.m. on June 17. Judge James W. Counts is expected to approve the recommendations."

Read story at New Mexico Independent

Do fathers have rights?

Father's Day is June 19--think about it!

"To everyone who had a great dad who was always there for you, great. And if you got a crummy one in life's father lottery, well, honor him anyway. The Bible promises you a blessing if you do. It's the only one of the Ten Commandments that comes with a promise.

Men who marry the mother of their children reverse the devastation of childhood poverty. It's worth more than a college education in family economics compared to the single mom household. On the other hand, married dads who walk out on the family, usually for another, younger version of the wife of their youth, hurt everyone involved, including his kids, friends and community." Norma Bruce, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day at Lakeside

The training of children

As I've mentioned before, I've been reading a chapter a day of Westminster Pulpit (10 volumes, compiled from sermons of G. Campbell Morgan preached about 100 years ago). So far I haven't found anything that doesn't speak to today's problems, just a few words with which I'm unfamiliar. In chapter 9 of vol. 2 he discusses "The Training of our children," using Proverbs 22:6--"Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it." He nailed me on this one.

. . . Christian people generally today believe the Bible to be true. A great many would . . .indulge in their own peculiar method of criticism in the presence of this particular text.

"In the beginning God created"--yes!

"And God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son"--certainly true!

"Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap"--there can be no question about that!

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it"--well, that is open to question; we are not quite sure about it.

And in my case, I even believe the book of origins, Genesis, also believed by Jesus, which many Christians toss over the shoulder with a few grains of salt because they learned it differently in school. But he caught me indeed on this business of children. It's easier for me to grasp a 6 day creation than this one, because of what I've seen and experienced in my own life and those I love. I'll laugh at you if you explain a billion years of evolving from slug-slime, but nod in agreement if you try to sort out what happened to the kid we knew who was raised by godly parents, was a pastor for 20 years, who has left his wife and family or she's embezzled from her employer while in a position of respect and honor.

Pastor Morgan doesn't let anyone off the hook here. He's speaking to parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, pastors, Sunday school teachers and school teachers. He chides parents for setting ideals too low--that we want educated, successful, cultured, socialized offspring.

What is Jesus Christ's estimate of greatness? . . . in the Kingdom of God there is never a single blessing pronounced upon having, never a blessing pronounced upon doing. All the blessings are upon being. . . That the boy may be a Godly man, that the girl may be one of the King's daughters all glorious within, that first. Everything after, but that first. To neglect that is to lose sight of the goal and ruin our children by love which is false love. . . You have to be what you want your child to be. . . your boy will be what you are, and not what you tell him to be. . . You can't turn your child toward the Kingdom if you are a rebel.

He spends a lot of time on the word TRAIN and on "according to HIS way. . ." pointing out that what works with some won't work with all, and training is very individualized. But by far, his strongest words are for fathers--that's where Christians have failed, according to him. "Be very much and very constantly in comradeship with Jesus Christ. . . In God's name, if you do not know Christ, keep your hands off the bairns. You cannot train the boy to be a carpenter unless you are a Christian man and in fellowship with Him constantly. The parents' responsibility cannot be relegated to Sunday-school teacher, or Day-school teacher. . . all I can do in the presence of the old affirmation of ancient scripture which is fresh in its application today is to pray that my Father will keep me so near to Himself that I may know how to be a father to my children."

That's a sermon that can still make the congregation squirm in the pew.

Universal pre-school

is one of Obama's plans. In today's WSJ opinion piece lauding such efforts, the writer finally got to the point.

The only lasting effect of average programs documented so far for all kids is a modest increase in behavior problems."

Pre-school, no matter how good, can't overcome the effects of poor parenting, a teen-age mom who didn't finish her education and a fatherless home. It might give them a six month or 12 month head start over the poor kid who didn't have preschool, but it will all be lost. More billions to be wasted.

The number one positive thing the Obamas can do for children, they have done by being a married couple seen in close, familial activities with their children. For so many women, marrying the father or fathers of her children isn't even on the radar. Even having his mother-in-law with them is an excellent decision, because although it doesn't take a village or the government to raise a child, an extra set of eyes and the wisdom of an older generation sure helps. Who knows where Obama would be today if it hadn't been for his grandparents.

A Father's love

This is one of the most beautiful videos I've seen. A picture of how God carries us in love.



"Dick and Rick Hoyt are a father-and-son team from Massachusetts who together compete just about continuously in marathon races. And if they’re not in a marathon they are in a triathlon — that daunting, almost superhuman, combination of 26.2 miles of running, 112 miles of bicycling, and 2.4 miles of swimming. Together they have climbed mountains, and once trekked 3,735 miles across America.

It’s a remarkable record of exertion — all the more so when you consider that Rick can't walk or talk. . . "

Dick the father is over 65 and Rick graduated from college in 1993. He works at a computer laboratory working on a system to develop a wheelchair controlled eye-movements, when linked-up to a computer. Story here. The Hoyt's racing history.

Do children need day-care or daddy-care?

If Democrats want to wag a finger this week, get all the men in a room and demand that they mentor and cajole young men about their responsibilities and to marry the mother of their children. And if you are divorced and can't take care of your first family, don't start a second. Even if the new wife or girlfriend nags. Barack Obama essentially did this during the primaries, and so did several other black leaders. I may not like his politics but he is a good role model for young men. But when the numbers are crunched, it will show that women contribute to poverty when they don't marry the fathers of their children and have babies before finishing high school. Feminists on the left need to report this instead of blaming President Bush, or men in general. Birth control? Just Say No, my sister.

These media poverty stories never change. Even though we can all look around and see an incredible difference between 2008 and 1988 or 1958, in the news it is always the same--doom and gloom. No opportunity. No jobs. Hunger. Hopelessness. It's extremely political, and if I were a Democrat, I'd be ashamed that none of the "hope and change" programs we promised in the past have made any difference. Except that one in the mid-1990s under President Clinton, when welfare was cleaned up. Oops. He was forced into that one by Republicans, and the left was fighting mad. But that is his legacy. Millions of women grabbed hold and became energized tax payers, developed a back bone and showed that old American spirit. Obama will try to change that if he becomes President by sneaking in reinforcements to keep women with a step-daddy in the house named "Uncle Sam." Universal pre-school? One more way to get more taxes and more control and show no gains. Universal pre-school will create more feel-good programs, a demand for more taxes to fight poverty, more low-income jobs to be administered by educators, and more reasons for mothers to get into the labor force. Head Start is over 40 years old--no gains beyond the early years of elementary school.

Take away: The poverty gap is no longer racial, it is marital.

Thursday Thirteen--13 communication tips for fathers

In today's Wall Street Journal a father of 3 writes to Sue Shellenbarger's column looking for resources he can read on spending better quality time with his children. As a former librarian, I'm always happy when someone wants to read a book, but even suggesting that the amount of time you spend is less important than what you do with the kids, rubs me the wrong way. Most kids just would like more time with dad. They are reading you each moment you are with them. They've got the rest of their lives to go to Disneyland, or play golf, or attend recitals, or listen to dad blather and rant on his favorite topic. Parents needs to be reminded of something I often overlooked: your children will be adults much longer than they will be minors.

So here are my 13 tips for quality time with your children, dad. There are lots of ways to communicate (we have 5 senses) and sometimes, keeping your mouth shut is one of them.

1) Show affection and respect for their mother. No longer married? Never married? Don't say a single negative thing about their mother, your own mother or her mother in front of them. You are modeling good male behavior. You are not only the man of the house, but you are Every-man to them.

2) Get home from work at a decent hour and eat a sit-down, in-the-home dinner, not in front of the TV. It's nice if you know how to cook, but not essential. Let the kids help with prep and clean up--it is time together, and a learning opportunity for you both. Save the eating out--even at fast food places or pizza--for special events. You'll also save a lot of money.

3) Always be the grownup around their friends. Clean up your mouth. No dirty jokes, swearing, cussing around the little boys. No flirting or over the top or slobbery compliments for the little girls. They just might be laughing at you instead of with you if you're pulling those stunts.

4) Don't dress like a slob or from the box of donations, even when working in the yard. Don't imitate the kids' fashion trends--you'll look silly and embarrass them. Buy a decent pair of long pants and a shirt with a collar so that when you are in public the waitress knows who gets the check. Pay attention to your personal hygiene. Shave. Haircut. Deodorant. You know--the basics without smelling like the Tommy counter at a men's boutique.

5) Make your home a tech-free zone for at least an hour when you are all at home together or after dinner. No gaming or other addictive behavior. No checking e-mail, blogging, or alternate reality cybersurfing. No cell phones, i-pods, blackberries. No TV, TIVO, or DVDs. Zip, nada, zilch. You'd be surprised when you unplug how you will learn to talk and listen to children.

6) Go to religious services with them; don't just drop them off, or let the bus pick them up at the door, or send them with a friend. Know when the special events are and show up. Find one thing you can volunteer for which will help free up another over-committed dad, but don't let it become something that takes time away from your children.

7) Don't turn your sons into sissies or swaggering macho-men.

8) Don't turn your daughters into prissies, sassies or baby britneys.

9) Eat healthy in front of them. Don't give them cause to fear you will drop dead from a heart attack, COPD or diabetes. Don't smoke or become drunk in their presence. Children watch that behavior like hawks. They see all the ads and billboards--then look at you to see what you're doing.

10) Model good financial habits. Don't ever cheat or skip out on a responsibility--especially not a support payment; pay your bills on time; watch out how you use plastic; teach them a few acronyms and numbers like IRA, FICA, 401-k and 403-b and expand their vocabulary with key words such as equities, mortgage, taxes and mutual funds.

11) Let them see you active, but not so obsessed with running or golf or the gym that it takes you away from them. Don't expect them to enjoy your favorite sport--or any sport, but get them in the habit of moving something besides the finger on the remote or keypad of the cellphone.

12) Spend time with them at bath time when they are little and bed time at least up to age 10; listen to their prayers, tuck them in at night. One by one. Quiet time alone. It may not do a thing for them, but it will do a lot for you and help keep your head on straight about priorities and why you are working so hard.

13) Don't be afraid to do things with them just because it's good for them--art shows, concerts, visiting relatives or volunteering. Tuesday we went to the Columbus Museum of Art with our son and his friend at his invitation and reminisced how we took him to art shows when he was little, protesting the entire time. It's not his favorite thing to do even today, but it's nice to know he can hold up his end of a conversation about art.



Visit the Thursday Thirteen Hub!

Are dads less handy these days?

There's an interesting discussion going on over at the Juggle, the Wall St. Journal work blog. Tom Weber admits he has to call in his own father when something around the house needs to be fixed. My husband is pretty handy, but we do call on our son for advice on the cars, and our son-in-law on many tasks, particularly trimming our bushes or moving furniture. I literally don't know which end of the hammer to use. I think I get that from my dad. If he owned a tool, I never saw him pick it up. My mother did everything around the house, including painting, wallpapering, wiring, plumbing and carpentry and the outside stuff too, like gardening, mowing and climbing ladders to hang storm windows and clean gutters. I really hated that, and vowed I'd never do it. That's why I say I got it from Dad.