575 Bridging our Culture Divide

Poor Jane Smiley. She’s been seriously hung out to dry by Liberal Larry. And he’s the better writer.

I compiled a list of ten people I know who voted Republican and gave them each a call, in which I basically laid out the real heart of the progressive philosophy in simple terms they could understand.

"RACIST BIGOT GAY-BASHING FASCIST MORON!" I screamed into the phone after dialing my first number. "BIGOT FASCIST RIGHT-WING IDIOT HATEMONGER!!!!"

"Why are you screaming at me?" Grandma asked. "This state went to Kerry anyway."

"NO THANKS TO YOU, YOU INTOLERANT EVANGELICAL NAZI WHORE!" I shouted.

"Jeezus!" Grandma gasped.

"STOP FORCING YOUR RELIGION ON ME YOU NAZI BIGOT MORON!" I demanded, and hung up the phone. Jesus indeed!

And so forth, as he outlines how liberals will bring conservatives back into the fold, to bridge the gap, so to speak.