Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My indiscretions

While my husband was in Haiti, I committed a few acts of random wildness. The first Sunday, I walked right into Talbot's and bought a pair of size 8 fashion jeans on sale that started out near $100 last fall and I got them for $18. All sorts of shiny beads, bangles and appliqued leaves and stuff. Then on Monday, while shopping at Meijer's for groceries, I picked up a package of mini-Tater Tots! I enjoyed them four nights for dinner, while eating alone--twice with steak. On Thursday I stopped at a book sale and blew $2.00 on a frayed copy of That Printer of Udell's, by Harold Bell Wright--rumored to be President Reagan's favorite book. The following Sunday I just skipped church altogether! Then on Monday I bought two chartreuse pillows for the couch, because I'd sat by myself through an entire show on HGTV about decorating a living room for $5,000 copying one that cost $50,000. The room was monochromatic with splashes of color, the two chartreuse pillows on a tan couch particularly caught my eye. So here's my poem about my new pillows.

The Vows

Polyester pillow chartreuse chamois,
in accordance with the law
Federal RN# 57893
[or is it Reg. No UT 1417 (MO)],
I will not cut off your precious tag
until we are one,
or bleach you
or place you on the furniture
or on the floor
while you are wet.

And you in turn vow that you
are 100% polyester,
certified by your manufacturer,
that the materials of which you are made
are described in accordance with law,
exclusive of ornamentation,
and that you are 19-21284CSE,
Key 67, $9.99, bar code 0 86268 05831 1
and that you were made in China
and are bilingual in Spanish.

Snip. Snip. Snip.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

YOu rebel! :) Isn't it nice to be so frivolous in their absence.

Melli said...

*blush* Awwww... you're embarrassing me!!! LOL! I'm sO glad you had this opportunity to "let yourself go!"

Three Score and Ten or more said...

Well, when the cat's away the mice will play (not intending anything by the untrue conventional biases regarding species)

Joan said...

I loved reading about your wild escapade in your husband's absence! It reminded me again that I WILL get in my size 8 jeans again soon too. I also enjoyed your poem about the chartreuse pillows.

JAM said...

You. Are. A. Wild. Woman!

Whenever my sister comes home from shopping, my brother-in-law always asks in a dry tone, "how much money did you save me this time?"

Unknown said...

Norma - I LAUGHED OUT LOUD at your introduction, and I swear to God, you simply MUST make that a poem called "Random Acts of Wildness." And this poem "The Vows" is also hysterical and just perfect. I totally love it!