Saturday, October 22, 2016

The Church of Climate Change—a parody of Christianity

  • The great pagan deity - Gaia
  • The prophet/top bishop- Al Gore
  • The lower ranked priests are from various science groups, not necessarily related to climate or environment
  • Paid clergy have the keys to the kingdom and can translate and publish sacred scripture
  • The liturgy contains sacred words repeated frequently like sustainable, liberal, progressive, consensus, diversity, multicultural, gender and pronoun free; sexist, racist, homophobe, transphobic, bigot
  • The communion elements are organic, all-natural, free-range, local, gluten free with marijuana supplied if requested
  • The chapels and cathedrals built from recycled materials powered by windmills, roofed with solar panels also  contain safe spaces and intersex bathrooms
  • The vast internet sites which it owns publish witch hunts by trolls and tag along followers on Twitter and Facebook to compost the church’s enemies
  • Heretics are identified, chastised and rejected, as "deniers" (or swamp of crazy) who can be condemned to hell or burned at the stake of public opinion if they don’t recant
  • Courts of inquisition bully or imprison scientists and journalists through loss of government grants and access to research funds and peer-reviewed journals, closing down perceived heresies
  • Demons bearing names like fossil fuel, fracking and plastic are cast out or flogged and exorcised 
  • Weekly and monthly stewardship campaigns focus on redistribution, wealth transfer, tax the rich, eliminate the unborn, reduce the birth rate
  • Sack-cloth-and-ashes (all natural, of course) promote the pessimism of impending doom
  • Orthodoxy of revelation by high priests of unrelated social sciences cannot be challenged
  • Ecclesiastical conformity is essential
  • Grace through ritualistic practices like recycling, birth control is offered
  • Earth Day, an annual holy day of reverential worship with time to reflect on Rachel Carson’s non-contributions to humanity is celebrated publicly and promoted in schools
  • The annual church picnic is postponed because of heat, and called climate change. Too cold? It’s also called climate change. Rain? Never happened in the past.
  • Guilt and condemnation of certain lifestyles, especially for white males, are preached and pushed
  • Genuflections to sustainability are required
  • Indulgences called carbon offsets are sold 
  • Mission projects in third world countries fund human sacrifice by withholding DDT for brown and black people and supporting “women’s health” (aka abortion).  

No comments: